SOCKS

“And if all you got is your own two legs, then just be glad you got them.”

“The real road lies between your ears and behind your eyes.”

Dennis Whitaker - Beagle (A compromise between Blood hound and a sight hound. Notice how neither said Golden Retriever, because first he's not blonde, second that's not his personality at all. And if you think it is you've never owned a beagle.)

Trinity Santos - Doberman Pincher

Jack Abbot - Miniature Schnauzer (or any terrier will do, but this one I like the best)

Micheal "Robby" Robinavitch - Scottish DeerHound (BSF says they die young and also they're scruffy af)

Dana Evans- Saluki (again this is correct)

Mell King - Yellow Lab (one might argue Golden Reteriver once again. And once again you'd be wrong.

Frank Langdon - Doodle (This man bought his wife a doodle... also they are known as the drug addicts of the dog world. You're arguements are invalid if you haven't sat through a dog groomer's doodle rant.)

Samira Mohan - Black Lab

Princess/Perlah - Chihauhau/maltese (either is good for both. This list does not take ethinicity of characters only dogs and vibes)

John Shen - Corgi (I think corgi's would also drink Dunkin')

Victoria Javadi - Dachshund

Oglive - Cockapoo (another poodle mix, another groomer nightmare.)

Whitaker can fit nicely into the profile as well give-or-take a few details. And while the BAU boys and girls are going over the profile Abbot is playing SWAT at the station and realises that Whitaker might be at the top of their suspect list so he marches towards The agents discussing who it could be in their ‘A-ha! moment of reveal’ except Abbot is like “he has an alibi for each case, because each one coincides when we both have off and go out with the street team”

and Hotch or Morgan is like “Unless you are out all night you can’t say you know where he is when you go home.” Abbot just smirks

“I go home and eat that boy out till he’s nothing but my good pup?” The agents are unfased, asking the doctor he there’s anyone to coorberate with these alleged alibis and Robby pops up (on his day off to pick up his husband from his hobby-job)

“I can confirm that Dennis is a very good pup.” Robby is also smirking now.

like first grocery trip and she buys a normal amount for herself— three tops probably. And she gets busy they rippen and dennis notices that they’re almost going bad so he eats them all real quick, unable to let anything be thrown out when he can eat them just fine

and thats fine, she buys three more — and this time has plans for them, but then they’re gone quicker

she buys 5, as soon as they rippen gone

6: vanished almost instantly not one at a time not a half sitting in the fridge after some toast no left over gauc to be shared no evidence that she even bought them except the peels and pits

Whitaker keeps mistaking Ogilvie as one of his older brothers or a cousin and follows him around and asks 1000 questions. At first the med student doesn’t mind, thinking its a good way to flex his knowledge around the doctors, but whitaker finds the medical jargon boring so starts asking about what his favorite horse is and goes into a lengthy description of every horse breed there is.

Meanwhile Santos is with Mel basically doing the same thing, but keeps trying to get the doctor to tell her more and more gruesome ED stories. Langdon tries to tell one of his own, but Santos keeps glaring at him because she might not know why but she knows she doesnt like that man. (Whitaker also glares at Langdon because he’s ride-or-die and Santos is his name twin and they both like shetland ponies and the color Pink and that means they’re best friends forever and ever)

Robby and Abbot take the kids home after their shift. Whitaker sobs when he finds out Jack and robby are gay-married because his doesn’t want them to burn in hell. Its Santos that explains that that isnt how that works and because their best friends forever and ever that they should get girl-gay-married and Whitaker isnt crying anymore and is on board with it. And Whitaker nods and says something like “And I can be the husband and then we’d be girl-guy-gay-married” and they force Robby and Jack to play wedding day with them or something.

(the Pitt group chat is a flood of pictures of the two kids)