Just posting anything
Was suddenly struck by a memory of how i finally forced myself to go outside after days of not being able to do so(and being self-derogatory about it), and the only thing that made me do so was the fact that i could go get a hotdog from a gas station 10 minutes away from my house.
And i remember how after a got it and was heading to a quiet spot to eat it actually took me a long time to notice that a guy who made my hotdog put a little :) face at the end of a sausage. And it only NOW hit me that he could have done so because I, probably, looked a little out of it. Of course it's likely that he's just doing it for everyone or that he's doing it to random customers or that he did it for reasons unrelated to how i looked at the moment, but. This thought about how a random guy at a gas station seeing me look as bad as i felt and doing a small gesture to cheer me up means a lot right now because, for some reason, I don't resent the notion.
Usually i hate to know that people actually do notice when i look like I'm not having a good time, and I hate that my mental state does actually affect my appearance, but i guess it doesn't feel as bad when I'm being perceived by complete strangers? Apparently. I mean, I knew for a long time that talking about my problems with strangers is by a lot easier than talking about it with people i actually see in real life often. But this feels new, like "yea, you, the guy from a gas station, you get it, you understand what i need to not go insane inside my head". I dunno haha
