radical optimist

anything you love requires patience

For all its faults Tumblr has truly ruined all other social media for me because my friends all have Instagram and are all trying to get me on Instagram more but every time I open Instagram there are like fifteen things screaming for my attention and when I get over myself long enough to start scrolling it's like. Where is my chronological dash. Where is the following-only option. Who are these people. Why are there so many videos. Everyone is screaming at me. And then before I know it I'm thirty minutes into scrolling and I haven't seen a single thing that I actually care about. At least on Tumblr when I see stuff I don't care about I know someone I follow has found a new interest.

Controversial take some of u will get defensive at, but there IS a right way to give advice (in my opinion). I recently discovered this when I made friends with my former bar manager, a guy in his 50s whom I’m literally in love with (platonically lol). I frequently ask him for advice, and he doles it out to me freely, but he’s also always like “you have it in you to figure this out.” He’s always like “you don’t need me for this; you have it in you.” He’s always reminding me that I have the capacity and experience and emotional intelligence to work through even the toughest weeds. That’s the way to give advice. If you’re not bolstering your friend’s confidence, if you’re not inquiring about their own thought process, if you’re just caustically cutting them off with advice every single time, I’m sorry but to me that’s doing it wrong.

That’s also why some people feel uncomfortable with “unsolicited advice” bc in my opinion most adults have the emotional and cognitive tools to figure out really obvious situations, and the thing they’re really seeking is someone who will listen to them, lend them an ear, and be curious about their thoughts and feelings. In the case that they genuinely are asking for advice, it’s always important to also remind them that they have it in them, that you believe in their ability and choices. If they’re not there, how can you help them get there? Each conversation should be a means to help them fine tune their gut intense and decision making skills. I’m being serious about this too. This is literally what therapy is. This is why so much of therapy is your therapist inquiring about your thoughts rather than just blindly giving advice and instructions.

Another controversial take, but if someone is just constantly cutting you off with advice, I would evaluate why that is. That is not in vacuum. It says something about their character. This is very situation dependent, but there really is a subgenre of people who just like to hear themselves speak. It’s so valid to ask if they really care about you or if they just wanna impart their pearls of wisdom. I personally wouldn’t take advice from someone whom I knew for a fact didn’t care about me.

big fan of deleting posts. you Dont get to see it anymore. be cause i said so

Actually, you are enough. Even if you don’t work. Or study. Or go out. Or have friends. Or have family. You’re enough because you exist and your existence is enough to be enough because you are not a product. You are not a sum of output. You are not a task to complete. But because you are something the universe wanted and put here even if you’ll never understand why. Somewhere in the cosmos your existence makes a difference, even if it’s not the way others existences do.

the secret cheat code for women is realizing you dont have to date men

this doesnt just go for lesbians it goes for bi women and straight women too. i cant even count how many times straight women have told me “i wish i was a lesbian so i didnt have to date men” but guess what … u Dont have to date men 

to be clear this also isnt necessarily saying ‘go date women instead!!’ its just saying…. u dont have to date men. u dont have to be dating women in order to not date men! in fact if ur not attracted to women at all please dont date women just as a substitute for men. but if dating men isnt making u happy… u dont have to do that. u dont have to make a space in ur life for men

Wet Beast Wednesday