Guess whoâs got legal weed and a will to create!Â
(Quick shout out to Dispensary 33, where 1920s facial hair meets 2020s weed edibles!)
Title: A Very Distinctive Backstitch
Rating: General
Summary: Parker returns home to find Eliot has discovered both pinterest and handicrafts, and Hardison has had to use the fire extinguisher again.
Parker got home three days after the boys did, on that particular mission. When they were planning it, they seemed to think this wasnât fair, and sheâd told them they were right; she felt terrible, having so much fun without them. Still, theyâd just have to keep a stiff upper lip about it and sheâd let them have all the fun next time.
(When she mentioned that, Alec got his âYou have misunderstood my intentionsâ face, but she lâŚshe loâŚshe loved Alec in part because even when she didnât understand, he wasnât ever mean or judgey. He didnât always explain, but he always accepted. In this case, he just got her a GoPro so she could tape herself on the stunt bike course during the mission.)
Anyway, she spent three days having so much fun, and didnât even mind the long drive back to Portland in the taquito truck. But when she finally arrived home, letting herself into the loft above the brewpub, she was met with a mystery. As she entered she found, draped over the kitchen island, a large fold of cloth, heavily embroidered in the style of the Bayeaux tapestry.
âDid you take an entire other job without me?â she demanded, as Alec walked into the kitchen carrying an empty plastic takeaway container. He shouted, flailed, and threw it at her. She caught it and tossed it into the sink. (She was all for throwing them away, but Eliot got a really pinched look when they did that, so now they washed them and saved them forever in the Sacred Take Away Container Reliquary, aka the bottom drawer on the right of the dishwasher.)
âParker!â Alec yelped.
âWhat kind of job would you need the Bayeaux tapestry for, anyhow?â she asked.
âWoman,â Alec sighed, but he hugged her, and once sheâd gotten used to them hugs were nice, so she enjoyed that part. âWelcome home. Itâs not the Bayeax tapestry. I have some bad news.â
âIf youâre getting some 7535 you might as well grab the 7110!â Eliotâs voice drifted out from the bedroom.
âEliotâs lost his damn mind,â Hardison finished.
In theory, Parker knew that this job would be rough on Eliot. It required their hitter to take a beating. Eliot had said he was fine with it, but heâd taken more of a hit than anyone (possibly including the bad guysâ goon) had intended. In practice sheâd been prepared for him to be bedridden, doped up, and cranky, but she hadnât been prepared for cryptography.
âWhatâs 7535?â she asked in a whisper.
âEmbroidery thread,â Hardison replied, reaching for a plastic bin on the counter. He held up a hank of wooly yarn, wrapped in a piece of paper that did indeed read 7535. âDid you know there are seven different shades of black?â
âWell, yeah,â she said, perplexed. âI mean, Venetian Black is totally different from Cherry Black, and then thereâs Dark Black â oh! I found it!â she added, plucking the other color, 7110, out of the box. âWhat does Eliot want with red and black yarn?â
âThread. Embroidery thread,â Alex said. âHe got high and picked up a hobby.â
At that point Eliot himself, apparently impatient with Alecâs lack of speed, thumped into the kitchen on a crutch.
âItâs not a hobby, itâs a historical tradition,â he said. âHi Parker, welcome home. Textiles have always been dismissed as crafts while paint and sculpture are arts,â he added, aggrieved.
Parker turned to Alec. He shrugged.
âHe found a really compelling Pinterest right as the opiates kicked in,â he said.
âI learned how to embroider at three in the morning,â Eliot said to her proudly. He held out his next project after the fake Bayeaux tapestry. It was a cross stitch announcing All Cheese is Hubris. Parker studied it, impressed.
âHe also almost burned the building down,â Alec interjected, as if he wasnât used to both of them almost burning things down on a very regular basis. It was cute how he always acted surprised.
âItâs a long story,â Eliot said. âAnyway once I got the hang of it, I thought, Iâve never forged a textile before.â
âOoh, me neither,â Parker said thoughtfully.
âBut thereâs a couple of panels from the Bayeaux missing, right?â he continued. âAnd likeâŚwhy shouldnât one of the missing panels have aliens in it?â
Parker checked the tapestry on the kitchen island. Among other more traditional motifs, it did indeed have two large-eyed aliens abducting a monk.
âHeâs still high?â she asked.
âAnother two days on the Vicodin,â Alec confirmed.
âIt looks very authentic,â she said loyally. âConstruction-wise, I mean.â
âThanks,â Eliot said. He accepted the thread Alec handed him. âIâm gonna go finish this one. Itâs for the kitchen.â
He hobbled off. Alec looked at her, his face a careful mask.
âPoor baby,â she said. âI got to base-jump twice and youâve been tripsitting him through the hobby store.â
âART STORE,â Eliotâs voice drifted out from the bedroom.
âYeah, well, you know, itâs been rough, but I held up,â Alec said, putting on a mock-brave face. She grinned and kissed his cheek.
âGo play some video games. Iâll handle him from here. With a little nudge, he might learn to knit before we have to get him off the hard stuff,â she pointed out. She felt the benefits of knitting were self-evident, but Alec frowned.
âWhy do we want Eliot to learn to knit?â he asked.
âHello? Custom sized winter hats?â she pointed out. Hardison fell well within the one-size-fits-all range of most machine knitted hats â sheâd done measurements while he slept â but she just knew if he had a tailored toque heâd feel better about wintering somewhere it rained every single day from Halloween to St. Patrickâs Day. She herself had quite an oval head and hadnât gone back to off-the-rack hats since her first tailored ski mask.
âIâm gonna goâŚGoose Game,â he said.
âBe extra horrible for me!â she told him, and bounced off to initiate a subtle campaign to shift Eliot from embroidery to knitting.