No Thanks.

Using subtitles as a supplement really shows how subtitles will just. Shamelessly skip parts of the dialogue. Chunks of sentences just get left out entirely.

I like stories where a normal human child is being raised by a sinister supernatural being who is totally malevolent except when it comes to their kid. Those are so much better than the “kids are scary” changeling type horror movies.

Like a perfectly well-adjusted well-mannered friendly child that is like “This is my dad, Surazal. He comes out of the mirrors in dark rooms. He makes really good blood pudding but he’s bad at playing catch. Most people can’t see his corporal form but I can because he says I have special eyes.”

“Mom says that you can stay over but you have to promise not to leave my room between midnight and 1 am. You can play Mario Cart with me! But you have to knock on every closed door in the house before entering just because dad might be in there and if you look upon his visage without drinking the holy fruit juice, you might go crazy or something. Also dad is really excited I have a new friend and he’s going to to make hardtack and mystery stew for us! You’ll love it!”

In high school the kid gets a friend that is an amateur demonologist who initially befriends them in hopes of exorcizing their house but ends up becoming buddies with Surazal too because they crave parental affection.

Surazal stands at the end of the vast dark hallway and says “You Too Have Special Eyes, Little One. You Can See Me Without Being Taken By The Madness. Within You, I Sense Great Turmoil And Sadness. In My Younger Years, I Would Have Exploited The Sadness As Weakness In Your Very Soul. I Would Have Worn Your Skin Like A Mask And Run Through The Village Streets, Supping Blood From Every Man I Encountered. But Now I Have No Use For Woe. Perhaps You Would Like To Watch Beetlejuice In The Family Room With My Daughter While I Prepare Cupcakes. I Am Sensing You Have A Fondness for Red Velvet.”

Monsterfucking is out. Monsterparenting is in.

Boy do I have news for you about what monsterfucking leads to.

Not in this case, Surazal stole the baby.

Imagine you’re like controlling a deep sea submersible camera and filming activity around a long dead whale carcass and you just see like what is very clearly an aquatic homo sapien just scuttling around eating detritus and meat scraps amongst all the weird crabs and shit like not even a mermaid or anything just like some dude kneeling in the sand and like obviously he’s a little fucked up from living so far down like his skin is a little translucent and he doesn’t seem to have any visible hair and his hands have a little more webbing than the average person and his eyes are large and solid silver but he’s still human enough that he could reasonably be just some particularly sickly guy if you saw him walking down the street but you inch closer with the camera and he looks directly at it and then darts away into the abyss with impressive swimming speed but not like a human more like a squid or something and you’re just sitting there with all your colleagues like what in the actual shit just happened and like you have the footage you all watch it over and over trying to find ways of explaining what you just saw as some sort of illusion or misunderstanding but that’s very clearly just a guy eating a whale carcass at the bottom of the ocean and you all spend the rest of your lives trying to find something more to explain this some sort of bones or a bit of dna or maybe even more footage and scientists around the world try to find evidence for or against your findings but you never see it happen again no one ever finds another guy down there and it just haunts you forever like wouldn’t that be fucked up lol

i post for the girls who were lonely and isolated during peak social developmental years

damn you could really just fucking say anything back in the day, huh?

you can say anything now this reads exactly like a modern day shitpost on tumblr.com

hold on i gotta make a post

you dont have to be a picklepuss to enjoy sinking your teeth into the green, juicy, crisp fruit of the improved cucumber 

i love saying i will be "without access" to email. it's a lie. i am fully capable of accessing my emails. i simply will not be.

having access to email is a state of mind, one I do not want

The notion of KonMari as some creepy semi-embodied but entirely benevolent spirit, like a well-intentioned Bloody Mary, is so perfect and wonderful.

Marie Kondo has the same powers but the exact opposite energy of the Duolingo Owl.

Marie Kondo holding your child, while standing on the remains of the Duolingo Owl : The Bird did not spark joy

the best thing about this is that when there’s plenty of resources, domesticated cats will naturally form colonies. in these colonies female cats raise their kittens communally with their kin. so you get situations where moms will raise kittens with their daughters from a previous litter, cats from the same litter will raise kittens together, etc. so not only does this little old kitty see her human as family, she is also excited to help her with her kitten.

Sometimes a grandma is a little creature that lives on the floor

ya being kafkaesque isn’t about turning into a bug it’s about how if you turned into a bug your boss would still be like “ok but we’re short staffed can u still come in”

@gallusrostromegalus !!!

what the entire fuck happened to my side blog last night why does this post have 8000 odd notes

“We made them a nest, but they won’t go to it” is such a universal pet owner mood. 😂

ok hanging out on reddit is actually a great idea. someone said they didnt like henry cavill as geralt because witchers move "10x faster than a human", but cavill only moves at human speeds, and someone replied they were "fascinated by what actor they would suggest instead" given the limitation that all actors are human.

"maybe OP knows the secret to making witchers in real life but no one's listening" bro 😭

Everyone’s assuming her petrifying gaze would have NO effect here and that’s clearly wrong. It would be a healing stat buff actually. She can regenerate and strengthen her girlfriend by looking at her.

Just like girlfriends in real life

Just like girlfriends in real life.