renaissance woman

there's just not enough time in the day for video games. even when I want to play them and dont have anything else going on I still don't end up playing them. this is because there's actually only four hours in the day and nobody is talking about this

“but what if you abort the baby who’ll cure cancer?!” sir the baby who will cure cancer is an organic chemistry major who works at a Home Depot because you use AI to go through your resumes

I'm in a little local cafe and the women behind the counter started griping to each other, "Oh Christ, Stephen's back again," "It's him, is it? I thought he'd stopped coming," "It's definitely him, look, it's bloody Stephen on a Thursday morning," "Do you want me to get rid of him or are you going to do it?" and so I was peering outside, trying to spot this nightmare customer, this pestilence of a person, this pox upon the cafe trade, and then one of the women from behind the counter ran outside, clapping two trays together loudly and yelling "GET OUT OF IT, STEPHEN!" and it turns out that Stephen is an absolutely gigantic fuck-off seagull who hangs around outside, menacing people for crumbs

men b like wow I’ve never met a girl who liked music before..

You obviously know nothing about men if this is what you think they say

Men will see a mouse and eat it

No they won’t because why would anyone eat a mouse that’s stupid not all men are bad and not all men are stupid you may have had a bad experience with a man but not all men are bad granted there bad men but instantly accusing all men as bad is immature I’m dating a man and he is nowhere near stupid and I know for a fact that he won’t eat a mouse and in pretty sure I could name at least five other men that won’t do something as immature as that and saying that a man will see a mouse and eat it won’t get you a anywhere with a man if anything it will drive them away.

A man will see a mouse and be like is anyone else gonna eat this and not wait for an answer

humiliating to be attracted to a conventionally attractive person. I thought I was a more sensitive and refined pervert than this

it must feel good as hell when you’re a horse and you take a big bite out of an apple like ttshoke

your command over onomatopoeia is unmatched bestie

got my first ever official customer complaint because when i was going over the terms of their life insurance they were like "well i don't plan to die" and i was like "well you're going to"