Unsilenceable

So I just saw this reddit thread and am disgusted. A mother is upset that her son is watching rape porn, that her daughter saw it, and that the children’s father is okay with it. Most of the commenters think she’s the one in the wrong and even scold her for “kink shaming” her son.

Why would someone get sexual pleasure from hurting them? Why would someone want to be misogynistic towards women “just for fun”? Why would someone be aroused by rape and sexual pain?

Also, BDSM is not a sexual orientation. Sexual orientation refers to which sex(es) you’re attracted to.

Men aren’t trustworthy, the vast majority of them hate us. They see their dicks as more of a person than actual human females (women).

i think also that any body modification or identity changes eventually gets boring, or at least neutral. you change your pronouns online or even irl, it makes you nervous, bashfully happy when someone uses it, giddy with emotion, etc it consumes your days until everyone uses them long enough then it all loses its spark and you have to focus on normal life again. there's a feeling of boredom followed by sudden thrilling nervewracking excitement when they (and i include myself in that) think of a higher stake like "omg should i legally change my name again? should i change my pronouns for the millionth time? what if i'm genderfluid instead of agender? what if i'm bigender instead of demigirl? what would it feel like? omg let me get into the mind of what those identities would feel like let me meditate and see if the ~vibe~ matches my true inner self let me journal on my blog let me go thru the tumblr tag of it to see if all the memes speak to my soul!! ugh this isn't big enough actually, this hasn't changed my life radically and fixed all my life problems and self-esteem yet, should i go on hormones? should i get surgeries? should i tell loved ones that i know will be bigoted and once they show themselves as transphobes i'll have to cut them off? bc my trans friends will reaffirm that they're as bad as abusers? should i get bottom surgery too?"

and other really good points that i relate to:

“Man,” “woman,” “male,” and “female” are not genders. “Masculinity” and “femininity” are genders. People are not assigned male or female at birth. People are assigned masculinity or femininity at birth. The state of existing as a man or woman is not determined by gender and has nothing to do with gender. Gender is everything that is culturally associated with men and women besides the state of being a man or woman itself. Gender is “boys don’t cry” and “girls wear dresses.” Gender is not “boys are male and girls are female.” That is sex, which is a biological category, and not a social category, like gender is. A gender is not something you can identify your way into being, because gender is a social phenomenon that is socially constructed and socially imposed, and therefore has nothing to do with your personal internal thoughts, feelings, or desires. Gender is an act you perform, not an identity you feel. How gender applies to you is something that the people around you determine for you, because that is how social constructs work. You are only a feminine/masculine person if the people around you perceive you to be feminine/masculine. Whether you are male or female, on the other hand, has absolutely nothing to do with how you are perceived by others, or even by yourself. You are the sex that you are even if people mistake you for being the other sex, just like an amputee is still an amputee even if people can’t tell that their leg is prosthetic.

Gender dysphoria is not a mental health condition or even symptom. Gender dysphoria is perfectly normal and healthy, because all it is is discomfort regarding the social norms and expectations that constitute gender being imposed upon/expected of oneself. This is something that nearly everyone experiences to some degree or another. The people who label themselves as having gender dysphoria are simply people who experience this discomfort to a much more significant extent than is typical. Having gender dysphoria does not make you a fundamentally distinct category of person from other people of your sex, it does not require that you adopt any new or special labels or terminology, and it does not determine whether you are a man or a woman. A woman who rejects femininity is still a woman, because being a woman has nothing to do with femininity, i.e. gender. A man who embraces femininity is still a man, because being a man has nothing to do with femininity, i.e. gender. 

Anything financial: How to file your own taxes. How to budget. How to get a credit card. What to do when something goes wrong (fraud, etc)

Documents: Which ones you need when and how to get them, as well as what to do if they're lost or stolen

How to talk to professors when you have questions

HOW TO SAY NO. How to say no to men who won't take no for an answer. How to say no to a boss that wants you to work overtime during finals week. How to say no to friends who are just a little more invasive than you're comfortable with. All of that. No is an important word. Also, basic physical self defense.

Then some things that I learned before college but that my friends didn't, which are equally as important:

How to use an ATM, how to set up direct deposit, how to get a job, how to work at a job (this only applies to people like my friends who didn't already have a job, but those are important skills)

All of the basic study skills

Basic interpersonal problem solving (what do you do if your roommate leaves a moldy sandwich on your desk?)

What to do when you're sick. When do you go to the doctor? When do you go to urgent care/emergency room? What information and documents do you need before you go? How do you describe your problem in such a way that the doctor can help you? When do you need a second opinion? How do you get a second opinion? How does health insurance work (US especially)? What can you do for the most basic things at home without going to a doctor (cold, flu, stomach bug, headache, etc)?

Everyone with a lived experience of femininity experiences it differently. Everyone has their own scope and breadth of experience. Of those experiences, everyone will feel differently about them. One person's trauma may be another's treasured memory. One person's euphoria may be another's dysphoria. Finding joy in femininity is what unites us in our identities as women, not what we find joy in about it.

It is not your (or my, or society's) role to police what womanhood looks like from the outside. If someone shares their experience of womanhood, your job is to trust that they understand their own experience and experience their story. Add to your own experience library through them. Broaden your understanding of what womanhood can look like. Maybe you want to incorporate part of their experience into your life. Maybe through hearing their story you come to appreciate your own even more. What makes this crazy fucked up world we live in wonderful is *that* we all have unique experiences and perspectives!

1) there’s no way for a woman to “act like a man.” the idea that by being strong, or assertive, or skilled in male-dominated fields, or not wearing makeup or jewelry, or whatever else you’re alluding to, a woman is “acting like a man” is itself sexist.

2) feminine women—women who meet at least basic societal standards of femininity—are the absolute default in media. they are the vast majority of characters on television (for example). the number of women tv characters i’ve seen who appear even remotely butch/masculine is in the single digits, and that’s including minor characters, and almost all of them are in shows with lesbian themes. the total number of women tv characters i’m familiar with is in the hundreds at least.

in this context, saying “it’s important to show that a woman can be feminine and still be awesome!” doesn’t make sense, because feminine women are basically the only kind of women who get to be characters at all. women characters as a whole are of course chronically underdeveloped, but when women on tv get to be awesome, they are virtually always feminine.

it would make much more sense to say “it’s important to show that a woman can be awesome!”

it would also make a lot of sense to say “it’s important to show that a woman can be butch and still be awesome!” because it’s rare for butch/masculine women to be represented at all and when they are they are usually minor characters who don’t get to do much.