Throwaway. Although my husband will probably see this here anyway. Maybe this can be the conversation starter?? I donāt know! I just need to get this out somewhere and have people validate that my feelings arenāt crazy!
Iām sorry if this is all over the place. I am a mess. My (F33) husband (M36) is the most wonderful and caring person Iāve ever met in my life. I thought. Almost overbearingly sweet. Heās always concerned with how Iām doing, how Iām feeling, how is my mental health. Heās an excellent father to our two children as well. I had a difficult birth with my first child. My hospital experience was bad. I felt traumatized afterwards. When I got pregnant with my second, I knew that, barring any issues, I wanted a homebirth. My husband was all for it. Heās a nurse, so I felt doubly safe with him plus my midwife to support me. The midwife filmed and we also had a professional photographer taking pictures. Everything went great. It was so emotional and beautiful. Iām trying not to give too many details away since itās apparently available to ANYONE for their viewing pleasure right now.
I have been pretty possessive of that birth tape. I never uploaded it anywhere. After I downloaded it onto my computer from our cameraās sim card, I uploaded it to a USB, deleted it off my computer, and I keep it in a little āhope chestā to watch when Iām feeling sentimental. It is so beautiful and important to me, and I wasnāt interested in sharing it. I have several friends who put their whole birth on YouTube, but I wasnāt interested in doing that. My birth didnāt need to be shared with the world. It didnāt need to be a teaching moment. It didnāt need to exist to make others feel better. After my traumatic first birth, it was mine and i cherished it. My husband didnāt feel the same way and sometimes had light arguments with me about it. He was never pushy, but several times, when I would watch it, he would comment āthis is such an excellent birth video! You are so happy and calm! I really think you should post this. Homebirths get such a bad rep and this could put so many women at ease.ā I would tell him absolutely not. This is private. Stop pestering me about it. Its my body. He eventually dropped it and hasnāt brought it up since.
My husband and I have never been controlling. We donāt have the passwords to each otherās phones. Iāve never felt the need to check each otherās phones or computers. I trust him implicitly. Well. I did anyway. I know he has a reddit. We both reddit pretty often. But i donāt know his profile or what he does on here. Idk Iāve just never thought about it
A few days ago, I was in one of my parenting subreddits and came across a disturbing thread about birth videos getting posted nonconsenually in a birth fetish subreddit. I thought to myself, that is exactly the reason I didnāt want to post my birth video. The commenter posted the link to the fetish sub and Iāll admit curiosity got the better of me and I went to look. I wanted to know if any of my friends videos wound up there so that I could tell them.
Well their videos DID wind up there. Every single one. The sub has several vast g drives linked to birth videos. But then I saw it. MY FUCKING BIRTH VIDEO. It looked like it had been a YouTube video at one point?? Idk I donāt understand how this works. I cant find it on youtube anywhere, so idk. Iām so fucking ashamed and horrified. There is a closeup ofā¦well EVERYTHING down there in a fucking fetish site. My baby taking his first breaths. Me breastfeeding. It doesnāt even cut off after the birth. It shows my baby getting weighed, and justā¦held. If this is a birth fetish sub, why does it feature so much of justā¦my CHILD. This seems like waaayyyy more than just a birth fetish thing. Idek how to report the video. I reported the post and reddit says it doesnāt violate anything. I am bawling as I type this. Like wtf. Only ONE person knows where that tape is: my fucking husband. I donāt even know how to broach this subject with him.
āHey did you fucking violate my privacy and post OUR BABYāS BIRTH ONLINE, or did you submit it straight to a fetish site, because thatās where it is right now.ā
I donāt know what to do. I canāt believe I even have to have this discussion. Wtf even if he didnāt submit that video straight to the fetish site, he uploaded it somewhere else where they found it, and now his actions have led to THIS situation. He exposed ME to perverts online. He exposed our newborn infant to perverts online!!! Our marriage will NOT survive this and I am a wreck. I should have known he had SICK intentions when he was being so weird about wanting me to post this. WHY? WHY WOULD HE DO THIS?? Iām not even that angry about those sickos seeing me, but every time I think of my sweet little babyās face in thereā¦I feel like Iām going to throw up. Surely this is illegal?? Surely newborn babies canāt be featured in content that people areā¦sexualizing!!! Can they?? Iām also justā¦.absolutely gutted by the fact that so many other women have had this special moment bastardized by that sub. How many of them are in my shoes? Or my friends shoes. Iām horrified. Do I press charges against my husband?? I canāt believe this is how my family is going to end. What will I even tell people. What will I tell my kids!!? Idek what to do!!
TLDR: Husband posted birth video online and it wound up on a fetish site. I donāt know what to do.