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Astronauts are so funny man. Here's just a couple of things I've found hilarious from this past week of space stuff:
It's probably already been spread around here enough already, but in case anyone's missed it; 7 hours after launch, commander Reid Wiseman, dealing with tech issues, uttered the generational quote "I have two Microsoft Outlooks and neither one of those are working."
After fixing the issues that were afflicting the onboard toilet, mission specialist Christina Koch (who has quickly become my favourite of the four) laughingly said “I’m the space plumber, I’m proud to call myself the space plumber.”
On Easter Sunday, the Artemis II crew hosted a makeshift egg hunt, by hiding packets of dehydrated scrambled eggs around their Orion capsule.
The way the crew always makes sure to make it very clear they're in space when doing interviews. From stuff like Wiseman just hanging out floating sideways on screen or Koch letting her hair loose so it can freely span out flowing around her.
While in transit, the crew decided to record a parody of those bad 80s sitcom intros where everyone turns and smiles at the camera.
When the crew reached the furthest point from Earth in the mission, they jokingly clambored over each other in an effort to get to the far side of the capsule, so that they could individually claim to be the furthest person from earth.
At the same time, on the ISS which was at the time on the other side of earth, the 7 astronauts onboard had a light-hearted race to the far side of the station, making jokes about being the furthest humans from Artemis.
On the way back to earth, NASA actually managed to establish an audio call between the crews of the ISS and Artemis II (where they shared the above info), and Koch called one member of the ISS crew, Jessica Meir, her "astro-sister" as the two of them previously spacewalker together in 2019. Meir then responded I'm so happy that we are back in space together, even if we are a few miles apart" (a few here being 230,000).
While Jeremy Hansen was doing an interview, Wiseman and Koch were just in the background swatting the mission mascot (a little moon plush toy named Rise) back and forth between each other.
never make a suicide joke again. yes this includes “i wanna die” as a figure of speech. swear off of it. actually make an effort to change how you think about things.
find something to compliment someone for at least 4 times a day. notice the little things about the world that make you happy, and use that to make other people happy.
talk to people. initiate conversation as often as you possibly can. keep your mind busy and you wont have to worry anymore
picture the bad intrusive thoughts in youe head as an edgy 13 year old and tell them to go be emo somewhere else
if someone makes you feel bad most of the time, stop talking to them. making yourself hang out with people who drain you is self harm. stop it.
Personally i went from “guess I’ll die” jokes to “IF I HAVE TO BE HERE FOR 5 MORE MINUTES I PROMISE YOU I WILL BUY JUST, AN ARRAY OF CLOTHES.” and other wild hyperbolic stuff. Just replace the death part with something ridiculous and off topic. Its very entertaining
This also works with calling myself things like stupid, worthless, trash, etc. Even if you do this jokingly to yourself, your brain still believes it, and keeps up the cycle. Seriously, I found that when I stopped saying these things about myself, even jokingly, it made a massive difference.
Here’s a tip I picked up from a friend that’s helped me a lot — replace self deprecating jokes with ironically self aggrandizing jokes
Like every time I trip and fall, instead of saying “l’m just a disaster human” I say “I’m the epitome of grace and beauty”
Or like, when I draw a picture I’m not 100% happy with, instead of saying “my art is trash” I say something like “you know I think it’s time we replaced the Mona Lisa”
When you do that you get to make a joke, but you’re ALSO getting practice building yourself up, y’know?
And eventually it becomes a reflex and you get so used to it that you can say nice stuff about yourself even when you AREN’T joking
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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The imperial army attacks your village, on a dark moonless night, the time when you, the strongest Solar Mage, would be powerless. However, you are a Star Mage actually.
It is a clever strategy to move at night when your soldiers have quiet feet and you have the foresight to stain their armor black with ash. However, the Emperor has a noted distaste for cleverness that comes from outside his own head and he insists on leading the imperial army himself that night. As a result, the only cleverness to be found comes in the form of one hundred men managing to find the one path through the woods to their remote village that allows them to march two by two rather than single file.
An emergency meeting is called close to 2am, summoning the adults and elders to the community hall. Unlike the soldiers, they do not shine under the full moon and their thin, leather shoes make no sounds as they sneak from home to meeting.
The windows are shuttered and only a small magelight in the chief’s hand lights the two dozen townsfolk. It casts a blue glow across anxious and fearful faces. The light hits right under the chief’s chin and brings to mind the face of a grim reaper as it throws curling shadows under his eyes.
“The only option is to evacuate,” the chief says. Behind him stands his own mother, the chief before him. She nods along with his words. “We know the mountains better than them. We can take the North passage.”
“The North passage is already slick with ice,” a villager says. They speak in the same hushed whisper as the chief. “The children and the elderly won’t make it.”
“We can hide them in caves along the way,” a man says. He’s clutching his hatchet as if its his lifeline. He looks anxiously in the direction of the woods as if he can see the army drawing closer. “Come back for them when it’s safe.”
“Coward,” someone hisses.
The man stiffens. “None of us here can fight ten men, much less a hundred! To survive we need to—”
The crowd shushes him as he raises his voice.
“Why our village?” someone blurts out. Their hands are wringing. “Why us? We’re barely a village at all.”
The floodgates of anxiety open.
“The Emperor is mad.”
“They know about the mines!”
“I think it’s because of a prophecy, that’s what I heard about the last one—”
“If they trample my fields, we won’t have enough for winter—”
“Ach! Winter. Let’s focus on now--
The chief holds his hand up for silence. Reluctantly the room fills with it until the only sound is the distant whinny of a horse.
“They’re very bad at night assaults,” the mage observes. She’s leaning against the wall, her nightgown covered by her latest crochet project. The blanket is nearly finished, but she’s a bit embarrassed that the entire town is seeing her loose ends. She frowns back at the glares she receives. “What? They brought a horse. And the path they’re on has all those low hanging branches so they probably aren’t even riding the—"
The chief pinches the bridge of his nose. “Mage. Please.”
The mage raises her hands as if to say mea culpa and falls silent.
“We will evacuate,” the chief repeats. “It doesn’t matter why the Emperor is here. Our only focus tonight is survival. The army draws close. We must leave before they breach the first gate. Gather only what you can carry.”
There’s a moment when the villagers seem like they’re going to follow his instructions. They like the chief – he works alongside them in the field, shares his kills on hunts, and always mediates fairly. However, he isn’t his mother. He’s young.
There’s a beat of silence. Then—
“Chief, the North passage isn’t safe—”
“We need to get the donkeys from pasture—”
“—ridiculous, they’ll be louder than the horses—”
“Or,” the mage says loudly, no longer whispering, “I can finally do my job.”
They stare. The mage stares back.
“It’s night time,” the woman closest to her says.
“Yes,” the mage says.
“Magic doesn’t work at night,” another villager says.
“Solar magic doesn’t work at night,” the mage says in the town of someone who has explained something many times before. “I’m not a solar mage, I’m a star mage.”
“Wait,” the man who suggested the caves says, “you weren’t joking about that?”
She props her fists on her hips. “Do I seem like the joking type to you?”
“We just thought you weren’t that funny.”
“Hey—”
“You can’t call the sun,” the chief says. He ticks off each of her faults on his fingers one by one. “You can’t warm the earth. You can’t bless our crops.”
“You’re just listing solar magic,” the mage says. She huffs and heads for the door. “I don’t have time to re-explain what I can do. You all should start evacuating. I’ll do what I can. If I win, I get to say I told you so. If I lose…” She pauses in the doorway to adjust her blanket. “Well. Maybe the Mage Tower will finally send you the solar mage you all hoped you’d get.”
The village shifts guiltily. Tellingly, no one denies her words.
“You are part of the village,” the chief offers. He clears his throat. “This has become your home.” Even if you’re not useful, goes unsaid.
“Which is why I’m going to do my job,” she says. She strides out. Because she’s feeling a little mean, she takes her blue magelight with her, calling it from the chief’s hand to her own with a thought. “You can use torches. They’re close enough now they must know we can hear them.”
The townsfolk flutter behind her. They’ll evacuate quickly. They have no faith in her abilities. Sure, she graduated top of her class, but why would they care about that? They’ve always just seen what she can’t do.
You are part of the village.
Unfortunately for her pride, she is. The moment the Archmage assigned her so far away, away from the light pollution in the capital, it became her village. And her village may think her incapable, but she knows the truth.
And soon so will the Imperial Army.
The stars hum above her. The moon is a warm presence against her shoulders. She can feel the moonlight sliding down her back, pooling and filling the gaps in her aura. She invites it in, breathes in the night, cajoles the stars to spark at her fingertips. She ran out of her home without shoes and she digs her toes into the chilled earth. Her magic cycles from above to below and then above again, growing more powerful with each repetition.
The army clanks and groans and shuffles. She can’t see them, but knows the path the chief mentioned. Even if she didn’t know it, she’d be able to guess. She pulls starlight under her feet and lets it propel her a little faster. Her magelight winks out, unneeded as her magic sharpens her vision and senses. The chief said they needed to evacuate before they breached the first gate. She intends to get to them sooner than that.
The magic she intends to use will definitely trample the fields if deployed too close.
She makes it to the treeline just as the first man emerges. His eyes have adjusted to the dark, she can tell. He stares right at her, hand on the hilt of his sword. A red cape falls across his shoulders just as the moon falls across hers.
He says, “I am—”
“Leave,” she interrupts. She doesn’t want to hear who he is. Some general or other who has his orders. She has hers. “This will be your only warning.”
“How dare you interrupt the Emperor?!” a soldier snarls. He does draw his sword. “You’ll pay for this slight!”
“You’d be killing an unarmed mage,” the Emperor says. He examines her, eyes lingering on the choker that marks her for what she is. “You have no power without the sun. Pledge your loyalty to me and we will let you live, mage.”
Well. She did warn them.
The first star hits the rearguard. The man screams as the silver orb strikes with the weight of a cannonball, tearing and searing his shoulder through the armor. His horse cries and breaks loose, running into the forest. She’ll need to let the villagers know to send a search party for it after.
The Emperor is frozen at the sight. He can’t see the injured man in the dark – his vision isn’t as good as hers – but he saw the star. He saw the magic. “Star mage,” he breathes.
“At least someone knows,” she says.
The second star hits. Then the third. The fourth. Men scream. People die. At some point, the Emperor lunges at her. Her cloak of moonlight burns him and the next star that falls puts him out of his misery while he’s screaming on the ground.
She does her job.
When it’s over, she surveys the battlefield. Not a single soldier made it past her. Her magic curls in satisfaction. Her village is safe. However, the fields aren’t. This mess will spoil them. She checks her reserves and finds just enough left.
Ice and frost creep out from under her feet. It spins in fractals across the dirt path, running up the blades of grass and spiraling up the trunks of the trees it touches. The ice slips over the bodies like a pall. The moonlight gleams.
She raises her arms to the sky, her blanket fluttering in an ephemeral breeze. The word she speaks isn’t in a language she’s ever been taught. It’s one she’s known since she first entered the Mage Tower at seven years old, excited and giddy with the chance to play with magic.
Return.
The bodies disintegrate. Flurries of snow spin up towards the sky. Some of it is red. Most of it is white. When the snow clears, the path is clean. There are craters from her barrage, but the fields are untouched. She is alone in the night and as much as she wants to revel in such a beautiful evening, she can’t. If she doesn’t go back now, she’ll have to track the villagers across the North passage to coax them back home.
With a sigh, she goes back. At least she gets to say I told you so.
----
Thanks for reading! It's been a hot minute, but excited to share a flurry of stories with y'all! If you'd like to read them a week ahead of everyone else, please consider supporting me on Patreon (X)
Next week's story is already up!
Summary: You are a therapist who believes even villains deserve better mental health. This, of course, means all your clients are villains. (recurring therapist-to-villains here (X))
With a bonus extra two-part story as well!
Summary: Your fiance is a villain. Your family is composed of superheroes. You only knew about one of these facts before sitting down to Thanksgiving.
It's a two-parter about finding new family when the one you have no longer fits...and there's superheroes too.
life may be rough rn and the world may be looking bleak but everyday i wake up knowing i will never have to participate in another bundesjugendspiele ever again so i guess that means there will always be light at the end of the tunnel
Pre-manufacturing cultures will really be like, here is the most elegant and gorgeous outfit you can imagine, and it’s achieved entirely with rectangles, ropes, and pins.
Over and over again, across the world, in cultures that never even knew of each others’ existences. Just, rectangles, knots, and pins. And I love that for them.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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[Image description: Screenshot that reads: St. Julian the Hospitaller is the patron saint of clowns and circus workers, innkeepers, fiddle players, jugglers, childless people, and murderers. End description.]
Aika - "Pretty Please I Don't Want to Be a Magical girl" - @kianamaiart
Tammy - "The Three Tomes" - @thethreetomes / @breanimator
Sahara - "Wheels and Roses " - @fumichun
Ami - "Towards Galaxy's End" - @towardsgalaxysend / @kenzyxluv
What happens when you get 4 Black Animation Industry femmes/folks that love magical girls ? You get 4 BLACK magical girls with 4 different spins on the genre. Black girls belong in every genre, Black girls can go on adventures. Black girls can be loved. Black girls are silly, whimsical, witches , skaters , space vampires , and magical.
✨Black. Girl. Magic. ✨
(A celebration of the work of my friends/industry peers as we tell our stories the way we want because we deserve to be seen in all ways. You can watch all of these magical girls on youtube)