smells of kraft dinner

Yeah this is my wet hay perfume. this one’s my wet forest soil one, but then this other one is just plain wet soil. This one’s rotten citrus wet soil. That’s my fresh tennis ball one. Ohh and that one is supposed to represent the horrors of war lol

god dammit, just battled an ancient evil too powerful to defeat alongside my heroic allies and now they're all talking about "locking it away" and "binding it in a vessel" we are soooooo fucked

the party mage just brought up the idea of each one of us taking a part of the sealing artifact to prevent them from being reunited again and releasing the evil, no way these dumb assholes aren't getting corrupted 🤦

okay so after a little time bonding with my shard of the blackstar, I've decided that 1) this was actually a pretty good idea and 2) all the armies of the earth must tremble before me

ive decided to become a Lawful Good edgelord abt driving a car. *looks broodily away from you* what's wrong...? no, you wouldn't understand. I've been burdened with a great and terrible power. a lethal metal machine that obeys my every whim but which whispers dark things to me...tempting me to move ever faster, to grow careless in my movements... I've seen this power corrupt many others. my father. my great-aunt veronica. I've seen them neglect the wisdom of the turn signal. I've seen them text while driving. every day I must remain vigilant lest I become over-used to this dark power......

there is a whole lotta wow in this painting even before you get to the fairy with a brass horn up his ass

plants love being polyploid its one of their favorite things to be

you give animals an extra set of dna and they crumble into a little cartoon pile of ash. you give plants an extra set of dna and they say ahh finally an extra set of dna to do activities with

some people seem to be under the impression that i am taking 6 hours to do a single sudoku. this is not the case. i am doing more sudokus than you could possibly comprehend in those 6 hours.

evangelicals being like "god made men to do This and be like This and women to do That and be like That that's just how it is" and it's just a picture of a white man and woman following traditional gender norms makes me so insane like you boring fascist fucks. god made 2 million species of beetles. god made whales, ducks, humans, and 1500 other species capable of same sex behavior. god made fish and amphibians that change sexes. god made more than 30 different intersex variations in human beings. god, in his infinite curiosity. wake up!!! fuck!!

"god wants women to have perfect no-makeup makeup looks and stay at home not talking back and upholding capitalism" god??? that guy who made lizards that shoot blood out of their eyes?? that guy who made salmon do whatever the fuck that is?? are you fucking crazy???

I bet it feels good as fuuuuck to slightly draw your sword with all the other knights in anger when a treacherous knave shows their face in the court

if I were a bee I'd fetishize the idea of a beekeeper clipping my tiny wings so I can't escape (remembers you're not supposed to say shit like that) I mean yesterday I ate two yogurts normally

watching twin peaks for the first time and kyle maclachlan is just sooooo cute he looks like a porcelain wedding cake topper who wished to be a real man

Item: Teapot Animal