♡

wait here while my manservant fetches the anti-elf rifle

im getting really fucking sick of all this “it gets better!” bullshit. im going to have depression for the rest of my life. it’s not going to “””get better””” fuck you

i have really great news guys, despite it all

i could smell your boytoy coming from down the road. Wretched little rotted morsel of a thing, may he fall to time and become carrion

Oh. Shit.

my dad is very intensely involved a battle with his city’s public administration over a playground they have tried to forcibly remove like five times in the past 20 years and DID remove once in like 2005 but then had to rebuild because my dad was such a pain in their asses and came through with undeniable receipts of the zoning plan from the 60s/the historic/cultural value of the urban planning…. like there’s a woman in the city office who is his arch nemesis. he is literally the daredevil of urban planning

everyone in the tags needs to stop saying they want to fuck my dad.

Ok. What you're gonna want to do is chop up a cucumber and put it in a bowl. Then you're gonna sprinkle a generous portion of salt on top. Then you're gonna drizzle them with a balsamic vinaigrette and gently shake to combine, leaving you with a cool and refreshing summer snack. In 15 seconds dangerous and burly men are going to drag me away to an unknown second location. Remember everything I've taught you. I love you

mind palace that was formerly a palace until the ruling family was killed mercilessly for its crimes. and now it's the thinking woman's socialist republic.

Mind People's Congress

It's nice that loud noises don't stick to clothes like smells do. That would be really bad if they did.

problematic sudoku solving skills gap

once you realize you don’t actually need to sleep, you can really (stops talking abruptly and stares straight ahead for 4 minutes)