Here Comes A Thought!

a/n: hey guys!! my best friend (@hazydespair / @pitifulbaby and I have teamed up together to bring you Things The Avengers Are Not Allowed To Do. We write these for our own entertainment and hope that you find some hilarity in them, too. Please follow Hazy’s account, as the second part will be published on her Tumblr! Thanks everyone! Enjoy!

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The Avengers Initiative states,

Upon becoming an Avenger, each party shall read over these guidelines and sign their name, stating that they hereby agree to the terms and conditions of the DO NOT's of being an Avenger. Shall a party break any of these rules, punishment is certain.

1. Bucky and Sam are not allowed to bully Peter while on missions, any other time is free game

2. No calling Bruce Shrek

3. No calling Loki Elsa

4. Scott and Phil are not allowed to sit and gush over Steve Rogers

5. Tony isn’t allowed to draw fake mustaches on Fury's photos

6. You can’t send T’Challa cat toys

7. Don’t ask Fury how many fingers you are putting up

8. Thor isn’t allowed to put his hammer in front of anyone's door

9. No cosplaying each other

10. Thor isn’t allowed to put his hammer in the elevator

11. No using Steves shield as a turtle shell

12. No putting Bucky and Sam in the get along shirt

13. Don’t ask Bucky for a hand

14. Helping Steve cross the road is not helping the elderly

15. Don’t ask Thor how high he can count

16. Don’t steal Peter’s lunch money

17. Don’t let Bucky use Steve's shield as a sled

18. Bucky and Bruce aren’t allowed to listen to heavy metal

19. No telling Thor that Jane dumped him, it makes him ‘salty’

20. Please don’t show up at Peter Parker's place of work or school

21. Don’t call Natasha momma spider and Peter baby spider

22. No more calling Tony, Tony Stank

23. Scott isn’t allowed to have insect fights with Peter

24. No asking Vision how his vision is

25. Stop asking Nick what is in his wallet

26. Don’t put a metal detector against Bucky's arm

27. Sam and Clint aren’t allowed to make bird noises at each other

28. Please stop putting googly eyes on pictures of Nick Fury

29. Please don’t take Thor to Halloween horror nights

30. Tony isn’t allowed to move the furniture slightly to the left so Pietro will run into it

i sure hope not

who's to say

that's between me and God

i'll tell you for $100

i don't think so, why?

not to my knowledge

sometimes

No I just work here.

I'm an Artist!

I'm sorry we're out of those, may I interest you in an Amish Paste Tomato instead?

Not until 5:30

I’d wondered how much he’d practiced for that routine because it seemed like a lot but also maybe just talent? But no, my boy Daniel literally said I can’t disappoint the gays and he went HARD.

ALSO, apparently this show is about two Angels convincing God not to end the world by showing him around and. I mean what. So it’s not just that he’s a priest, he’s the angel Ezekiel pretending to be a priest, twerking in Drag to keep us all alive, I MEAN—

Rage.png

Sexual jealousy

Constant aggression

Rigid hierarchy

Must win sports

Homophobia And Sexism Is Normal™

Eat people

Cool new werewolf instincts:

There is no five second rule

Corvids are friends

Hang out as a pack

Karaoke

Separation anxiety

Unconditional love and loyalty

Being able to sleep in almost any situation or position

Irresistible urge to chase squirrels and rabbits

Hating the vacuum cleaner

Wanting to do everything with friends

Loudly and repeatedly announcing to housemates that someone is at the door

Long, shouted conversations to other werewolves across the neighborhood (bonus points at 2am)

Taking advantage of any and all free food

Werewolf-vampire solidarity

Fighting any animal that trespasses into the backyard

Boundless energy

Too much energy

Eating out of the trash if it smells tasty

Being bad at sports because you don’t want to let anyone else take the ball from you. Then destroying the ball in front of everyone because you want to make a point

Trying to fight things 10x your size like a fucking idiot

Being unable to hold a grudge for more than a few hours

Trying to make people feel bad for you over mundane things that aren’t actually that bad. And somehow succeeding.

Snoring

Needing to try a bit of your friends’ food, even if you’ve tried it 5645674 times before and have never once liked it

Getting way too friendly with random strangers

Being in a love-hate relationship with water

Digging. For no reason.

Thinking you’re a badass despite being a hyperactive ball of emotions and hedonism

Multigenerational households!

Kids get really excited when someone comes home with groceries

“I can HELP put away the food!” “Oh, and have you whisk away the ice cream like last week? I’m fine, dear.”

Love to travel and follow food trends

Mostly very social and must have roommates/family/significant other/kids/friends around

However, not uncommon to travel alone for periods of time, especially after leaving home

Big friendly communal meals with lots of ritual around who gets served in what order

“Let grandma take her pick of the turkey first. It’s respectful, and she won’t take kindly to you cutting the line.”

Full pantries, stocking up on basics, the kind of people who always have extra oatmeal, or batteries, or a jump cable

Can hold conversations using body language and eye contact without saying a word

Cuddlers, especially with the social group

Yelling to get everyone to gather, and phone chains for anyone who lives further away

Lots of singing, the pack has a bunch of favorite songs that everyone knows by heart, and some may be song writers

“Can you smell this? Does this smell weird? Does this smell good?”

Lots of candles and incense with unusual scents

Passing houses and farms and land down through generations

Love home renovation

Communal child care and sometimes communal nursing

Kids are all really into wrestling and being outside

When someone is ready to leave the household, the younger they leave the further they tend to travel. Someone who leaves at 18 might go to another country, but someone who leaves at 26 might just move a town away.

Whether someone moves far or close to home, it’s not unusual to move back in at home a few times before settling down

“You know the futon is always open for you. Your cousins are in your old bedroom, but you’re always welcome!”

Kinda grumpy about neighbors pushing property boundaries

“Why do they have to let the damn mulberry tree hang over OUR driveway?”

Good endurance runners

Late walks at night, naps in the middle of the day

Really playful, especially with kids

Vs.

Game of Thrones:

It’s

it’s

The only thing that should go against them in any way shape or form is asking, “Are you sure?”

And only once, don’t annoy or pressure them into changing their answer

If they say yes, drop it