Welcome to Random

Thank you for stopping by, I know I usually do not do this but it's very personal to me

My Aunt in law (although might as well be Mother In Law) recently lost her home, she was previously living in a very rundown trailer that she was suddenly evicted from, she has 3 wonderful kids all who are special needs, as well as a less than helpful husband.

This woman is very dear to both me and my wife and I really hope some folks are willing to donate, even if it's a dollar, she needs the help, and deserves it more than any woman I know.

https://gofund.me/38f524aa4

So please take a moment to consider helping out, even if you are unable to provide funds I ask kindly to please just reblog this post and keep it spreading around!

So if you've got a dollar or two to spare, please help her out. I'd be happy to make something for you in return as well.

for example just barely after i start getting anxious about something happening to my friends/loved ones, I clench my right fist three times and then hold it for a second (sometimes to my chest, sometimes with the other hand). and it genuinely helps! i feel like i did something that, even if its not realistic or effective at all, was still something to Do with the anxiety. and kind of sweet sentiment-wise.

Example:

As a kid, I constantly lived in fear of damaging shit in my parent's house. The walls. The floors (especially the floors. The wood was beautiful. Shiny. But so easy to scratch). The cabinets.

As a sixteen-year-old, I once took my car to the dealership after work and paid a very dear sum of $250 ($10/hr cashier salary) to fix a slight scratch in the paint because I knew if my father saw it there would be hell to pay. It didn't matter that I parked far out, like I'd been taught, and someone scratched it anyway. It was my fault. I failed in my duties as a steward of my vehicle.

Every time I scratched a rim on a curb while parallel parking or got a door ding or, god forbid, didn't wash and vacuum that car every weekend, it was treated like some sort of moral failing.

Last year, when my husband and I first moved into our house, he scraped the side of our car when parking in our (Very Narrow) garage. When he told me, my first instinct was to be afraid for him. Like something terrible was going to happen to him because of this mistake. I urgently reassured him that it was okay, it was an accident, I wasn't mad. Baffled, he was like, "Yeah? I know? Like, thank you for the reassurance, but I'm only a little annoyed, I'm not upset. It's just a car." And I had to take several minutes to process that. It's...just a car.

We keep the car tidy. We maintain it. But we wash it maybe 4x a year. We only vacuum it after dirty road trips or when the dog hair starts to get annoying. It has scrapes and dings and the leather seats have stains. But that's ok. Because it's just a car.

This morning, I realized that a small rock had gotten embedded in the felt foot on one of our bar stools. Neither of us had noticed. There are now scratches on our beautiful hardwood floor. My immediate response was fear accompanied by a heavy measure of paralyzing guilt. "I'm so sorry," I told my husband, "I should have noticed. I'll figure out how to fix it, I swear. I can probably sand down that section and match the stain and--"

"Whoa, hey," he said. "It was an accident. And it's fine. Floors are going to get damaged. They're floors. We live here. There was damage in places before we even bought the house, remember? It's not a big deal. It's just a floor." Right. It's just a floor. Right.

My husband's mom is visiting and this afternoon, as I was sitting in the kitchen looking at the scratches on the floor, I offhandedly asked her if my husband had ever broken or damaged anything as a kid. "Of course," she said. Household items. A TV. A wrecked car during his teen years. I asked how she punished him.

"Why would I punish him for things like that?" she said. "They were all accidents."

"My pet human, Greg, hasn't left his bed in a long time. He's just scrolling his phone all day" Greg needs enrichment. Add enrichment in his enclosure and take him on walks

"Greg has been super lethargic and sad recently for seemingly no reason" Greg need vitamins, take him outside for some vitamin D and fresh air. Perhaps a picnic

"Greg won't sleep even though he's been super lethargic" Greg needs a schedule, especially for the lights in his enclosure.

"Greg has been super distant recently and keeps crying to sad music" Humans are pack animals, he needs to hug another human and hang out. Perhaps pack bond with a rock together

"Greg has been flailing around and panicking, his breathing is way faster than it should be" Greg is overwhelmed. Take Greg out of the situation and give him time to calm down. Perhaps somewhere cozy with tea and a movie

"Greg won't do what he needs to do" Train him. Humans do great with positive reinforcement, give him little treats when he's doing good

"Greg he's been super anxious and tired, he can't seem to enjoy his days" Humans needs to move around. Give Greg something to exercise with. Things like stretching, weight lifting, walking, or even dancing will help

"Even though I've taken really good care of Greg, he still has been having issues" Greg is ill, take him to the doctor. You might need a specialist (therapist, optometrist, oncologist, etc)

- You Are Not Stupid. Thats not up to debate. There are things that you are better at than any of them will ever be, and things you know more about than they ever even thought could've existed. You've learned everything they were born with from scratch, you've put in more effort to be human than they ever will. You're not stupid.

- You Are Not a State of Being. I know, it feels silly to be weirded out by someone calling an action "acoustic", but imagine yourself saying something derogatory about an action and attaching someones name to it. They'd be offended too. Its okay that you're uncomfortable.

- You Are Understood. By a select few people, sure, but thays what the internet is for. Even if nobody in the room gets why spontaneously popping balloons might make you upset, strangers on the internet genuinely do have your back- like, they get it and they're willing to defend your ability to be comfortable even though they don't know you well. There are thousands of strangers that would drop everything to answer you a question ans give you some comforting words. You are more loved than you ever could've imagined. These strangers can only love you a fraction of how your friends and family, however you choose it, are capable of.

- If You Wouldn't Say It About Others, Its Not True. You aren't stupid, or easily offended, or full of shit or attention seeking. If someone called another autistic that, what would you even do? We all want to believe that we can just snap back and defend ourselves and others, but in the moment there is nothing that you want more than to shrivel up and die, on the spot. Even if its late at night, and you're just recovering, keep in mind that there is no world in which you would say these terrible things to anyone, ever. Because they aren't true, and they never will be.