Reverse Mulan about a young man who disguises himself as a noblewoman and has to learn how to do passive-agressive politicking at dinner parties.
He does so to dodge the draft
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@pxe-333
Reverse Mulan about a young man who disguises himself as a noblewoman and has to learn how to do passive-agressive politicking at dinner parties.
He does so to dodge the draft

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so many people don't understand how abelist it is to kill your brother with a rock
Danny, de-age to a seven-year-old: Hello. Would you care for a shoe shine?
Bruce: ....Yes, of course. How much?
Danny: Oh, whatever you can spare. *setting down a portable shining bench* Please put your feet here.
Bruce: Of course. Have you been doing this long?
Danny: a couple of weeks. I'm getting really good at it.
Bruce: You are. These look brand new. *hands him a $ 100 bill*
Danny: Wow! Thank you!
Bruce: Of course. Do you have a safe place to sleep?
Danny: Nope.
Bruce: .....would you like one?
Danny: Sure!
Bruce: Really?
Danny: Yeah, if you're offering!
Bruce: Its never been this easy before....somethings off. Aren't you the less bit wary of me?
Danny: Nah, I can sense people's intentions. You're not a creep trying to get a kid to a second location. You just want to give me a safe place off the streets.
Bruce: .....Are you a Meta?
Danny: I don't belive in organized religion.
Bruce: That's not....you know what, nevermind. Have you had something to eat?
Danny: I found a half finished donut in the trash earlier.
Bruce: Oh. No. Let's get you some dinner.
Danny: I'm buying! *waving money Bruce gave him* I had a good day of work!
When cats walk up to you all "hi can I perhaps interest you in me, kitten boy? I'm literally warm and soft"

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i dont care what you’re doing take 1 minute out of your day to watch this you wont regret it YOU NEED SOUND
Sweet precious babies!
“we live in an uncaring universe” yeah dude and I live in an uncaring house. and I shit in an uncaring toilet. but do you touch an uncaring lover? do you comfort an uncaring child? do you guide to sleep each night a cold and uncaring self?
please hurry up in reblogging this I wanna jorts it before someone puts it in one of those heartwarming tiktok slideshows
i was like 'what could jorts it possibly mean' but as with many things clicking the original post immediately clarified the situation
Finding out Hans Zimmer is a transphobe genuinely had me falling to my knees
Thank you blastybaku for explaining this!/gen
If you've ever heard a movie score and thought "holy shit, this is incredible", there's like, a 50% chance it was Hans Zimmer who composed it.
This is a pretty major letdown, ngl.
Anyways, fuck transphobes, which includes Hans Zimmer, apparently.
Anyway shoutout to John Williams, amazing composer and probably the one who made the other 50% of "holy shit amazing" soundtracks (Jurassic Park, Star Wars, Superman, and incidentally the original Harry Potter theme and score) who famously worked closely with the first openly transgender woman to be nominated for an Academy Award, Angela Morley. He respected her, and so far as I can see, has never made transphobic remarks.
Yum.
there was an incident at work today

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we need to start legally protecting these like make this kind of bathroom part of the national park system
time travel fanfic idea where Jason comes back to before he was adopted, him and Batman still meet and he still ends up being adopted by Bruce Wayne, but he just refuses to acknowledge Batman and Robin, he acts like a civilian boy, he has over thirteen extracurriculars that Bruce does his best to keep up with. He regularly works out and trains all the fighting he's learned over the years, he goes on a gap year before college to recuperate the all blades and pretends to be the civilian in a family of crime fighting vigilantes.
He's doing pre-med and keeps nagging his siblings to go to college too (Cass, Tim), Duke is the one who spends more time with him bc everyone else is nocturnal and sleep through the day, but Jason likes to drive Duke to his classes and pick him up so they can have lunch together, Damian had a hard time at first, because Jason speaks every language that he speaks and all bat related things have to stay at the cave, his league training didn't prepare him for a civilian brother.
During an attempted kidnapping during one of the Wayne galas, Jason's whole plan almost gets blow up because one of the guys has taken a woman hostage and his Red Hood fried brain just pounced on the dude with all his might, wrestled him for the gun and kept him stuck under his boot with the gun pointed between the guys brows.
He had to pretend to be scared when Batman came to the rescue and act like he didn't know how to handle a gun.
+ Alfred 100% thinks Jason was on a children gang and that's why he's so good with knives, guns and rifles, but who's he to say anything about people's past
Tbh, Alfred probably knows that Jason at least knows his way around handling weaponry for maintenence really well. Grandpa-Grandson bonding time can include Maintenence on Alfred's armory! Using the hidden shooting range while everyone else is Out!
Just because he isn't out as a Cape doesn't mean he isn't still living in Gotham, and therefore should at least learn the safe handling basics! Or so the argument in favor of that goes.
Only Alfred is aware of how damned skillful their Family Civilian handles all of it when B is out of sight, tho. He too is a Theater Kid, he'd be delighted to help his grandbaby maintain his skills and wield them against the fam.
He's not one to poke at things like traumatic backstories. If Jaylad wants to tell him stuff while they work on cleaning & stuff for the Range, he will.
(Alfred canonically has an armory stashed around the Manor, there is plenty of room for him to have a Range somewhere too. And it wouldn't be Bat territory like the Cave, bc B has Gun Trauma thus Alfie is okay with tucking it elsewhere. He wasn't going to cripple his ability to defend a traumatized bby B, but he can politely tuck it all where B won't notice it 99% of the time.)
YOU CAN'T HIDE THIS NO SIR NO
“I just- I’ve never- I just.. I have never shot a shotgun before. I-I always saw Alfie polish it and he would teach me hot to hold it properly- you know? Said if I ever needed to keep the family safe to not hesitate, guess he didn’t think it he would be the one-“
“Deep breaths Master Jason, that’s it lad.”
Jason was having a hard time keeping his laughter down, oh Alfred was good, thankfully the uneven breathing could be explained away by building panic and shock.
“If you need a moment we can continue this another day Mr. Wayne.”
“God, Mr. Wayne is my dad, just Jason commish, thank you but no, I just want to just get this over with. Anyways Alfie is as close to as a grandfather I have ever had, he helped raise me y’know? So when, when he got dragged off I didn’t hesitate to grab the shottie from the trunk and went after them.”
Jason looked to the warehouse ceiling and pulled at his shock blanket.
“I ran around like a headless chicken and recognized the warehouse from the broadcast from when I was on the streets and just snuck in the way I used to and took the shot.”
He brought his eyes back to the body bag being loaded into the ambulance and watched as the doors were closed.
“You know, after all the terror, and all the years, you almost forget he’s just a man… Was. He was just a man, and all it took to end the madness was one pull of the trigger…”
A firm hand fell to his shoulder as commissioner Gordon gave him a look of weary understanding.
“You did the right thing. As much as I trust Batman and his crew, I know that Arkham can’t fix a man who didn’t want to be fixed.” He then took a carton and lighter out and lit a cigarette and took a long drag as they watched the ambulance pull out. “I just wish our crew got here in time to take this weight off your shoulders...”
“If that is all commissioner, our ride is here and I feel it is best if I take my charge home. It has been a long day and I’m afraid the boy needs to rest.”
“Of course, we may need to do another interview later and you should probably talk to your family’s PR team on this whole thing. I’ll try to keep the hounds at bay for a day of two but both of your faces were in the broadcast. I can’t cover your involvement. For now, take care.”
“‘Course Commish, thank you.”
And with that, the two actors exited stage left.
Jason, later, *using his civilian status to trick his family into resting for once*: so I've been having trouble sleeping ever since the situation with Alfred and the Joker and I was wondering if we could have a sleepover here. I really don't want to be alone and I'd feel better if I knew you were all safe and close.
Batfam *they melt. They all skip patrol that night to cuddle with Jason. They wake up feeling more rested than they have in years.*
Jason *hides a smirk and makes it a point to make it happen at least once a month.*
I'm definitely thinking that Jason's skills only come out when there's an all-hand-on-deck situation—mayhaps something with the all-blades because being soul bound they could have travelled back with him.
Batfam and JL on the news: *getting their asses beat by a demon*
Jason, putting on an unholy amalgamation of all of his family member's outfits because no single outfit fits him before running off to go kill a demon in 15 minutes: I cannot believe that this is how it ends..my long con...ruined...
Batfamily the next night: *whispering about the mysterious vigilante with a well made but unrecognisable costume*
Polycules should be able to trade people like sports teams do
Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car.
MEGAN THEE STALLION makes her Broadway debut as Zidler in Moulin Rouge! The Musical (March 24 - May 17)

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we're for real gonna be telling stories about this man for centuries
yall I feel like I'm floating right now
prev tags are not staying in the tags: #The humble ambulance