I haven't changed this blog since I set it up

I love getting unaccompanied minors (kids flying alone) who so clearly just. Don't want to be here lol. Sometimes I get to know a little of their story, like their parents are divorced, or a family member died and they're heading to the funeral, but usually they just don't want to talk about it and that's fine. But I always treat the flight like it's a challenge to make them smile. I offer them snacks and soda but that's never enough, that's whatever, they could get those from an airport vending machine. Chump change. So then I tell the worst jokes. Just the most embarrassing, kindergarten teacher, annoying dad jokes you can think of. And those always get a groan, or a "Seriously??" And that's my in! Now I can say "Why, what's your idea of a good joke? No, come on hotshot, make your best joke, let's see it." And they hem and they haw but of course they eventually tell me their very best joke because kids are little competitive comedy goldmines. And it's always super funny, so I laugh, and that's where they slip up. Because you know what you almost always do when your joke successfully makes someone laugh? You smile. And I'm like. Gotcha. Rookie move. Now you're going to end up having a good time in spite of yourself. I win.

Did this with an 11yo u.m. today and he said "What did the ghost say to the other ghost?" And I said "What?" "Nothing. Ghosts aren't real."

fuuuuck i just realized that the future idealized version of myself cant exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things. has anybody heard about this

People who think sheep are killed for their wool are so hilarious to me. Does your barber slit your throat whenever you get a haircut?? Are you a returning customer to Sweeney Todd? Lmao it grows back, fools.

This is completely ignoring the fact that the sheep's soul is stored in its wool. So sure, the body remains, but the spirit, the essence of the sheep, that's gone forever, and then as the wool regrows a new soul moves in.

What

Same for me, I get a new soul with every haircut. That's why my personality changes so much.

Tumblr citizenship means being completely unsure if the person posting about sheep souls is being 100% serious or is just taking the piss.

THEY TAKE THEIR PISS TOO?!?!?

Yup, stockpiling it in giant buckets to pour on the poor

It’s already there probably but fuck it @hellsite-hall-of-fame

ID / TL;DW: young Black man explains the history of voodoo dolls: they originated in England, where Black people where prohibited from learning to read or write, to help witches keep track of what ailed their patients. Eg., person goes to witch and laments headache, they treat their headache and make a small doll (called "poppet"), trying to represent them as good as possible, stick a needle in its head and put it up a shelf. When they return next week, the witch takes their poppet and asks about their headache. If it's gone, they remove the needle, otherwise they know they have to treat a rather persistent headache.

in the next batman movie selina is back in town to con bruce wayne which he knows but he missed her so much and obviously he can afford it so he just lets her

she reveals she's robbed him and he's like oh that's fine lol if you needed money you could have just asked :) and writes her a check for a million dollars and asks when he can see her again and she's like dang this guy is insane??

he was terrified she could never love him for bruce wayne meanwhile selina's like okay edgy badboys are OUT rich himbos are IN but its the same guy

she expects batman to try to stop her at some point but he never does so she concludes that he just really hates bruce wayne for some reason which makes him all the more attractive

batman realizes she's falling for bruce for real and he's not even jealous he's just like "you really like him? 🥺 that's great 🥺" and selina's like wtf

anyway she sneaks into bruce's study or whatever to crack the safe hidden behind the painting and it's full of roses, jewelry, bruce's blank checkbook and a little note asking her to dinner. he thinks that this is normal behavior btw

what is THE worst thing you've ever drank. all liquids acceptable. please tell me what it was, bonus points for why

this post is getting 50k easy

9/10/2022

I was wondering what happened to this post but it turns out the fucking trekkies (affectionate) got to it

It’s only fitting that this gets reblogged today

This is the only eagle that deserves reblogging on the 4th

Happy 4th of July Americans. Be like this eagle. Attack fascists.