PleasureKraft @punkshifter - Tumblr Blog

Why is it easier and more comfortable to sit in a position that actively damages my joints than it is to just sit with okay posture. Why does my body crave its own destruction

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skunkes

sadcena

A little drink and a smoke to take the edge off

chromaticabrasions

lacing my blood with poison so when those mosquitoes try to drink from me theyll be in for a nasty surprise

chromaticabrasions

huh. guys i feel a little funny

librarycard

normalize flopping. it’s ok to fail baby. sexy even

librarycard

the amount of people saying "i thought you meant flopping on the ground". target audience

imactuallyagiraffe

normalize flopping. it's ok to flail baby. sexy even

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nealashitposts

So I've got this friend whose nervous because she's trans and dating this guy who she hasn't told yet because they've only been on a two dates. For this story let's call the friend Jane and the guy she was dating Jason. Happy ending don't worry.

So I tell Jane to bring her boy over to a bbq I'm having and she can tell him she's trans at my place surrounded by queer and trans people who love her and will support her if he ends up being awful.

She waits till the end of the bbq to tell him the news, by which point the rest of us have learned that Jason is a kind, friendly, empathetic, hard working, dummy. So we sit down, all of us a little worried about this gym bro's reaction when she tells him she's trans, and that she understands if he doesn't want to keep dating her it's no big deal.

He's baffled, so we explain what trans is, and after the disclosure that she hasn't had bottom surgery yet...

"Oh you have a dick?"

"... yeah."

He look's around at the room full of people with baited breath, his clearly a little afraid girl friend says

"Oooohhhh! I get it! You think- don't worry Babe! Watch this!"

And ya'll this man jumps up, runs into the kitchen and returns with one of the bratwurst we had for grilling and proceeds to tilt his head back, put it down his throat, hold it in his mouth for a moment, and spit it up without even a whisper of a gag and then looks around at the group absolutely beaming with pride.

My mans saw his worried girlfriend and her support network and thought to him self "Oh they don't think I can't please my girl, but I'll show them!"

nealashitposts

I do feel the need to add that later he excitedly tell the group that as a straight guy, he never thought that skill would be useful outside hotdog eating contests.

hyperrbolic-orange

"Man its too bad that im straight since I've got like no gag reflex and all."

"Honey, I must tell you, i am in fact trans and I have not had bottom surgery."

"My god... everything's coming up Jason."

dancinbutterfly

Pure of heart dumb of ass hetero of sexual

twinkhole-destroyer

but babe you love being chained to the radiator

note-a-bear

Employers when you try to use your pto

moveslikekeithrichards

got cornflakes for fried chicken & the back of the box has its own recipe. easy as pie. "rinse chicken tenders with cold water and coat with crushed kelloggs corn flakes cereal." and then cook. no binding agent. no seasoning. nothing but a pile of flavorless chicken with a side of the extra-dried-out cornflakes that fell off it. serve warm with your favorite dipping sauce. doesnt even say serve hot. Serve Warm. wouldnt wanna get too wild with it. truly this is the spirit of cornflakes

memento-mariii

emptyglittervoid-deactivated202

jumpingd33r

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terraswallows

I was confused you see.

enigma-the-mysterious

The reason Goncharov (1973) is such a hit is because it allows Tumblr to unironically participate in its national sport:

Lying

paxamericana

hungwy

how the fuck do you hate music

When I hear music all i feel or see or know is the devil

storm-of-feathers

tumblr is great bc its like a diary where I can take other peoples diary entries and glue them into my own diary

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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marxism-transgenderism

REMEMEBER IF HARD WATER IS CAUSING CALCIUM BUILDUP IN YOUR BONG, JUST LET SOME WHITE VINEGAR SIT IN THAT THING FOR A FEW MINUTES AND SHE'LL BE LOOKIN BRAND NEW. JUST DONT SMOKE WEED WOTH THE VINEGAR INSIDE PLEASE

marxism-transgenderism

I am not nearly advanced enough to come away from such a maneuver unscathed

leolaroot

a kitty is like a stuffed animal that is so heavy and it bite you and she loves you so much and you're best friends

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