Rescue me, Chin Boy

She was the first black woman to go to space on tv (and her impact on representation on TV should also not be understated) but she also campaigned for NASA applications of diverse voices. Her campaign led to the recruitment of Sally Ride (first American woman in space), col. Guion Bluford (first black astronaut in NASA), and Mae Jeminson (first black woman in space).

After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, “is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?” We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we’d never have a lasting relationship of any sort.

She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.

Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing. They all said that at one point in their marriage, the “feeling of love” had vanished or faded and they weren’t happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.

The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.

The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.

Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful. I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I’ve never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I’ve chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days.

red: the color of meat that is in soup (or tomato)

yellow: the color of a creamy broth or stock

green: herbs and vegetables in the soup

pink: the color of love (that you have for soup)

a man

is acting