I had a dream about this

On the other hand: “Oh good, it wasn’t really a ghost,” followed by “It was the One Ring of Sauron, the most powerfully evil and dangerous artefact in the world, in my home, for weeks.”

"And Frodo's actual uncle used it to rearrange the banquet spoons that one time that we all still talk about."

• Keyboard with a working N key

Can’t get this on any other social media

was talking to a coworker and realised i could not for the life of me remember his name but i was too embarrassed to ask because we've spoken multiple times so mid-conversation i started concocting a plan to nudge the conversation towards the ID photos on our building passes so that i could be like oh my ID photo is awful haha the camera they use to take these has a real talent for making me look as unphotogenic as possible and then he would say oh yes me too haha everyone says that (because they do) and then i would be able to say well let me see yours it can't be as bad as mine! and he would show me his ID because we are coworkers and why wouldn't he and this would allow me to see his building pass which of course would have his name on it and then i would be able to say well yours is perfectly nice it must be me that's the problem! and then we would have a polite chuckle about it and i would have his name without needing to ask for it and he would be none the wiser and all would be well but then before i could execute this fine plan a little voice in my head went "so this is some light yagami bull shit you are about to pull" which was such a violent reality check it shocked me completely out of my embarrassment and i went "hey im so sorry your name has slipped my mind could you remind me" and he did and it was fine.

remembering that time i got drunk and told a guy he looked like a wrought iron gate

he didnt respond to my observation. just sorta stood there

... much like something else i know of

I feel like an alien tomb would be sooooo fucking cool until a alien mummy gets up and chase you

This happened to me. You think mummies are slow as fuck and you can outrun them. But alien mummies have a ray gun.

do not trauma dump on my posts please

Somehow you got an anon from an ancient sumerian

It will get cold again eventually. The summer will not last forever. I’m not doomed to live in this unbearable heat for all eternity. <- said while gripping the countertop so hard that the tile is starting to crack