Half person half void entity

couldn't keep a straight face reading these, had to cover my mouth and look pensive because I'm proctoring a test

screaming crying throwing barking frothing at the mouth BARK BARK ABRKM BARKEAKKJ BAKR BAREKRKJRKJKRNHSA BARK RURUHUUH HUGHRUGRGUHR UHURHHRGHURGHU I WANT TO EAT YOU ART RECORD A FUICKING MUKBANG WITH YOUR ART I AM WANTING IT BETWEEN MY PEARLY WHITE TEETH I WANNA SINK MY GNASHERS INTO THIS RURHRUGGRUH UGHRHURHGURUGH URGRUHURGURH (positive)

I hateee the "Mandela effect" no dude alternative universes ain't shit its just humans have piss porn memory get over it

"forgetting Pikachu's tail color is proof the universes are crossing over 😳" do you think aliens built the pyramids too

Hey uh I think your phone auto corrected poor to uh

You know how it is

op came from the piss porn universe

No I’m pretty sure piss porn exists in this universe too. 

im just a gay italian man i can’t handle these stresses

Luigi when he inherited that haunted mansion

remember that interviews are not about giving a good and honest first impression that they'll carefully consider. interviews are about saying the special words and phrases they're looking for that give you points and when they tally those up whoever earned the most job points wins

they don't want to "know you" they want you to walk in there and regurgitate everything the job description said

isnt even a joke btw if you're autistic and/or unemployed and nobody taught you this yet i'm really sorry

Good news! Elementary schoolers of the modern day still believe this is part of vanilla minecraft. I have borne firsthand witness to these discussions.

the folkloric gate to heaven requires journeying to hell to get its building material

POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS: i am not a creep. i am not a weirdo. i do know what the hell i’m doing here. i do belong here

one of the best/funniest dynamics on TV is antagonistic best friends who insult each other constantly but are immediately in cahoots whenever there’s a whiff of shenanigans. nothing better than two bozos bickering nonstop as they execute the stupidest plan you’ve ever heard

bro i'm not coming over the only drinks you have is nefarious elixer

oh your dad works at nintendo? that's crazy. my father was a flea. a flea on the back of a dog.