I'll always talk up internet radio stations because I don't think the average person is aware that they're free, can run in your browser (or in any program that can connect to them), work on your phone, run better than a youtube tab, and give you a much better selection of music than you could get from a general algorithmic playlist
(also lots of them have live shows which you can tune into for free)
if u like folk and/or roots music: wumb.org !!! it is AD-FREE it has ZERO MORNING TALK SHOWS it is on air at 91.9 FM in the BOSTON AREA but streams WORLDWIDE on the WEB it is perfect.
Maybe niche but for any Irish speakers or learners out there, Radio na Gaeltachta streams online and is a great way to listen to some Gaeilge without YouTube.
All of these resources are fantastic, but I wanna give a specific shoutout to Raidió na Gaeltachta streaming online - and I say this as a person who works in Irish-language visual media - if you wanna gainna better grasp of spoken Irish and how the language is used in casual settings, Raidió na Gaeltachta is the way to go, not visual media 😬📻😁
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She got the idea for the study while walking with her advisor at Stanford to discuss her thesis topic, and the paper she eventually published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology in 2014 is sharp enough that it should have ended the seated meeting on the day it came out.
She ran 4 experiments on 176 people. Same person tested twice. Once sitting, once walking. The creativity tasks were the standard ones psychologists have used for decades to measure how good a brain is at generating novel useful ideas.
81% of participants in the first experiment produced more creative ideas while walking than while sitting. In the second experiment, 88%. In the third, 100%. Every single person walked into a more creative version of themselves. On average, people generated 60% more novel useful ideas the moment their legs started moving.
The skeptical question is the obvious one. Maybe it was the fresh air. Maybe it was the scenery passing by. Maybe it was the change of environment doing the work, not the walking itself.
Oppezzo killed every one of those explanations with one experimental decision. She put people on a treadmill facing a blank wall. No scenery. No fresh air. No environmental change. Just legs moving in place while staring at white drywall. The 60% boost held.
Then she ran the experiment that closed the case completely. She took participants outside in two conditions. Half of them walked through a Stanford courtyard. The other half were pushed through the exact same courtyard in a wheelchair. Same outdoor stimulation. Same scenery passing at the same speed. The only difference was whether the legs were moving.
The walkers produced dramatically more novel high-quality ideas than the wheelchair group. The outdoors did almost nothing on its own. The walking did everything.
She also tested the opposite kind of thinking. Convergent thinking. The kind where there is one right answer and you have to narrow down to it. Word puzzles where 3 words share a hidden fourth word that connects them. The seated participants did slightly better on these. Walkers got slightly worse.
Walking is not a general intelligence enhancer. It does one specific thing. It opens up the divergent search inside your brain. The part that generates options. The part that produces unexpected connections. The part that takes a problem and finds five ways into it instead of one.
When you need to converge on the single right answer, sit down. When you need to find the answer in the first place, get up.
The mechanism is now well understood. Walking selectively activates what neuroscientists call the default mode network, the system inside your brain that runs when you are not consciously focused on anything. The DMN is where mind-wandering happens. Where memories cross-reference each other. Where ideas that have been sitting in separate folders inside your head finally bump into each other.
When you sit at a desk and force yourself to concentrate, you suppress the DMN. When you walk at a natural pace, the executive part of your brain gets just busy enough handling the walking that the DMN comes online and starts doing the work that focus was blocking.
The most useful finding in the entire paper is the one almost nobody quotes. The boost did not turn off the moment people stopped walking. Participants who walked first and then sat back down stayed elevated. Their next round of seated creativity work was still significantly better than people who had been sitting the whole time. The rest lingered for at least several minutes after the legs stopped moving.
You do not need to do creative work while walking. You need to walk before the creative work. The brain holds the state.
The thing is, even if you were lucky and your parents taught you how to clean, they probably didn't teach you how to clean the stuff you clean stuff with, like brushes, mops, sponges, rags, and so on. Or how to clean your cleaning appliances, like a dish washer, clothes washing machine, and clothes dryer and its ducts (if you have a ducted dryer), or a carpet cleaner, vacuum, Or how to clean up clean messes, like spilled bleach or detergent.
My parents threw away all of these things (even the vacuum cleaners and the dryer) when they got too dirty to function, because no one even told them THAT they could be cleaned. Cost them thousands of dollars over the years.
All I'm saying is that cleaning is not intuitive, and not knowing how to clean is not a moral failing, but it is something you can learn.
I'm going to reblog this post with resources for learning how to clean things and how to clean cleaning things (I'm not at my desk at the moment). If you have any favorites, please feel free to add them in too!
I like this video because it does a great job of introducing the basic foundations of house cleaning (and because he doesn't use bleach, which is a common allergy in addition to being awful to inhale). He also talks a little about how to clean a vacuum. And why you shouldn't put grease from your pots and pans down the sink drain. I also love that he mentions that different houses and different people have different needs and different versions of what clean and cleaning looks like.
He doesn't mention though that the toilet seat comes off. I take my toilet seat off to clean under the hinges and clean the seat more thoroughly once a quarter.
This is another video from the same guy about cleaning and depression. This advice, especially at the beginning, can feel really really difficult and oppressive to hear. However, I find that it's generally pretty solid. But I'm autistic and so is he, so that gets a massive Your Mileage May Vary stamp on it.
I have a favorite part of this video. It's from 10:52 to 12:36. I think we could all use to hear that. There's a HEFTY pause after that one. I promise the narration does come back.
I'm also going to recommend KC Davis' book "How To Keep House While Drowning"
This is a pair of videos about how to correctly load and use a dish washer.
The first one is a quick 1 minute 30 second overview on loading. I can't find the exact video I'm looking for, so consider this a substitute for that. If I can find the one I'm looking for, I'll swap it in.
The second is a half hour deep dive on dishwashers and detergents. The short form of that is you shouldn't need to pre-rinse anything, detergent pods are overpriced and can cause problems, some dishwashers have a filter in the bottom that needs to be cleaned (but most don't), run your sink until the water is HOT before starting your dish washer, and put a little detergent in the pre-rinse dispenser when you're washing extra dirty dishes (or on the inside of the door if your dishwasher doesn't have a pre-rinse dispenser).
How to clean a front load washer (with bleach). This should be done monthly or every time you wash really soiled clothes.
With expert tips and tricks for all types of washers.
How to clean a top loader (without the removable agitator thing). This should be done every 1-3 months depending on you unit, or every time you wash really soiled clothes.
Regular cleaning of a top-load washing machine will prolong the life of the appliance and leave your laundry cleaner and brighter.
How to clean a top loader (with the removable agitator thing). This should be done every month, or every time you wash really soiled clothes.
These carpet brushes are a LIFE SAVER if you have dogs. This thing allows me to go from vacuuming about 4 square feet before my vacuum is full to vacuuming half the living room (I don't vacuum often enough. You should vacuum weekly, and I just can't.). I have to unclog the vacuum less often. It fluffs up some of the flat spots in the carpet. And I also use the brush to shampoo my rugs in the spring.
A spot cleaner (or a carpet cleaner with a spot cleaner attachment) is another life saver, ESPECIALLY if you can afford to splurge on a heated one. I see them at Goodwill or at yard sales occasionally, and they're worth picking up. The shark one in the video is great too.
This channel is gold. There's tutorials for cleaning EVERYTHING on there. Just go subscribe!
Gonna throw another potential resource at the end of this very long list, which may be potentially helpful for others like me who loathe videos. It's... the weirdest thing that has genuinely been helpful to me in housekeeping. Absolutely full of useful advice, and bizarrely still relevant in large part. (Though, caveat, research ANYTHING to do with chemicals or cleaning products more complicated than vinegar + lemon + water for modern information.)
It's America's Housekeeping Book (1941). Available for free download on the Internet Archive. (Large PDF file at the link here).
The LISTS y'all. The step by step lists. The emphasis on efficiency and arranging spaces for the least resistance possible. The basic concept of "take a tray or basket into a room when you are tidying up so you can put things that belong elsewhere on it and take them out LATER in ONE GO".
as far as I can tell the "ultra-processed food" concept is basically vitalism. the idea is that food has a natural state which is good for you, and if it stops looking like it's natural, it loses its vital essence and becomes bad for you. processing is not a coherent nutritional concept. it covers a hundred things with noninterchangeable effects on the food. it isn't anything. if you want to talk about anti-caking agents you have to talk about anti-caking agents because emulsifiers are not the same substances.
also the rubric of "don't eat things with ingredients you don't recognise / can't pronounce" is just the old idea that ignorance is the state of grace. innocent children of nature unpolluted by knowledge or machinery will eat the innocent fruit of nature and they will be happy and good. we've been here before.
God thank you this shit drives me nuts and I don't understand how it's the one kind of woo my otherwise very skeptical mother has got sucked into.
Like, sure, there's maybe something to be said about junk food companies having an incentive to make their food taste good via liberal application of salt, fat and sugar without telling you about it (though for anyone who thinks that's a "processed food industry" thing I have bad news for you about restaurants) and possibly even for "the way our food is made, transported to us and expected to be used necessitates the addition of preservative and other anti-spoliage ingredients that would not otherwise be necessary and we should be aware of the dependency of our food supply chains on these additives" but none of that is even what this "Ultra-processed food" thing is, it really genuinely seems like the idea is "The act of transforming a food into a different kind of food removes a bit of its magic soul and if you do this more than about twice the result is essentially nutritionally worthless and full of moral badness substance" and it's like mate what the genuine fuck are you talking about. It frustrates me so much because it's so obviously bullshit but there are so many otherwise intelligent people who seem to have been sucked in by it because it's science-flavour bollocks instead of crystal healing flavour.
I think this take is VERY misguided and here's why.
First off, lots of good quality research has shown that the more ultra processed food people consume, the worse their long term health outcomes tend to be. We don't know exactly why yet, though there are lots of potential culprits, but this is very well documented. That should be enough to tell us that it's not "so obviously bullshit" to be wary of them but let's keepgoing.
We also know that microplastics can be very bad for our bodies in a lot of ways, disrupting various systems and causing damage. Again, we don't understand it all yet as well as we could but research has shown this very clearly. And you know what ultra processed food interacts with a lot of? Plastics. Specifically, plastics under stress from high heat, chemicals, acidity, friction, and other things that cause them to shed micro pieces.
Take an apple. It's got certain nutrients. Maybe you put it in plastic wrap. That's fine, in terms of health impacts, the plastic wrap isn't getting into the apple.
Now take that apple and turn it into a component of some more complicated product that that's produced in mass industrial quantities. On its way to the shelves it's going to be cut up and pureed and mixed with other substances, and in every step along the way it can be accumulating more and more micro plastics. It can have all the same nutrients (well, not necessarily, many plant products start losing nutritional value the moment they're harvested meaning that you can get a lot more value from fresh stuff) but very different potential long-term impact on your health.
And that's just ONE factor implicated in the (again, very well scientifically validated) fact that ultra processed stuff is worse for us.
A recent conversation in a discord group reminded me of something important. If you're on the younger side (under 25 or 30) and you haven't seen all the incredible, dark and disturbing fantasy films that came out in the 1980s and late 1970s, then I would strongly encourage you to do so. There was something so dark about that genre during that time that I absolutely adore and that isn't really around in modern films for children and young adults (once they learned that it traumatized a whole generation of us).
My faves in case you need any recommendations. (Some of these are really not appropriate for children, so keep that in mind lol).
The Dark Crystal - 1982 - the Skeksis will give you nightmares. I am honestly very proud of the remake for being just as disturbing if not more so than the original.
Watership Down - 1978- NOT FOR CHILDREN - Jesus Christ why did so many of our parents show us this film at a formative age? It's all about trauma and death and displacement and there's literal blood and murder. Not a G Rated Film. Still, it's very good. Loads better than that CGI remake from a decade ago.
The Secret Of NIMH - 1982 - Incredible movie. Minor disturbing elements. Probably my favorite on the list. It's just a great adventure story with real world issues (animal experimentation, mental health problems, disabilities) and there's even a lovely romance. Highly recommend.
Legend - 1985- This film is just straight up disturbing. Yes, there's a lot of beautiful shots of unicorns and sexy, 20-something year old (insane Scientology wack job) Tom Cruise and gorgeous Mia Sara, but there's also torture, madness and literally the Devil (Tim Curry is the entire reason you should watch this film)
Labyrinth - 1986 - I only really have two words. David. Bowie. My 10 year old self found out about a lot of burgeoning kinks while watching that man prance around in eyeliner and a codpiece. It's a wonderful adventure as well - if you ignore the blatant romantic and sexual tension between Bowie and an underage Jennifer Connelly (none of us could)
The NeverEnding Story - 1984 - Lots of disturbing imagery in this one! The Nothing was fucking terrifying, and the creatures in this world seemed uniformly creepy, but still incredibly well done. Love the adventure of it.
The Princess Bride - 1987 - Not technically a kids film maybe? Lots of adult themes and adult jokes, but safe for kids imo. I adored it and still do. Incredible performances by Cary Elwes and Mandy Patinkin. R.O.U.S, Hello! My name is Inigo Montoya! (need I say more?)
The Last Unicorn - 1982 - A beautiful film with stunning representations of innocence, good and evil. Just gorgeous really. I should rewatch it as it's been 20 years or so.
A romance / Action film about a knight and a maiden who are cursed. Her to transform into a hawk during the day & him into a wolf at night. Forever keeping them apart.
DragonSlayer
A coming of age tale about a wizard apprentice who must save a village from a dragon & the sacrifice lottery the village has established around it.
(Rare example of 1980s genderfuckery)
Willow
LOTR before we ever thought a LOTR film would ever be possible. You've probably seen this one, but just in case.
The Flight of Dragons
Transplanted into the body of a dragon a scientist must come to terms with magic, even while explaining it.
Krull
Classic adventure story severely undervalued in its time.
Some of the creepiest spider stop motion to ever exist.
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use overdrive, libby, hoopla, cloudlibrary, and kanopy instead of amazon and audible.
use firefox instead of chrome or opera (both are made with chromium, which blocks functionality for ad-blockers. firefox isn't based on chromium).
use mega or proton drive instead of google drive.
get rid of bloatware
use libreoffice instead of microsoft office suite
use vetted sites on r/FREEMEDIAHECKYEAH for free movies, books, games, etc.
use trakt or letterboxd instead of imdb.
use storygraph instead of goodreads.
use darkpatterns to find mobile game with no ads or microtransactions
use ground news to read unbiased news and find blind spots in news stories.
use mediahuman or cobalt to download music, or support your favorite artists directly through bandcamp
make youtube bearable by using mtube, newpipe, or the unhook extension on chrome, firefox, or microsoft edge
use search for a cause or ecosia to support the environment instead of google
use thriftbooks to buy new or used books (they also have manga, textbooks, home goods, CDs, DVDs, and blurays)
use flashpoint to play archived online flash games
find books, movies, games, etc. on the internet archive! for starters, here's a bunch of David Attenborough documentaries and all of the Animorphs books
burn your music onto cds
use pdf24 (available online or as a desktop app) instead of adobe
use unroll.me to clean your email inboxes
use thunderbird, mailfence, countermail, edison mail, tuta, or proton mail instead of gmail
remove bloatware on windows PC, macOS, and iOS X
remove bloatware on samsung X
use pixelfed instead of instagram or meta
use NCH suite for free software like a file converter, image editor, video editors, pdf editor, etc.
feel free to add more alternatives, resources or advice in the reblogs or replies, and i'll add them to the main post <3
Intersex people need and deserve support from our LGBTQ+ allies!
This brochure (link) breaks down how intersex people are impacted by current regressive politics—bills and policies that harass students in sports, restrict necessary healthcare, ban access to accurate ID documents, and endorse nonconsensual intersex surgeries.
The brochure is free to print and distribute anywhere. You can share it at Pride events, with local LGBTQ+ groups, legislators, providers, teachers, EVERYONE—and insist on intersex justice!
Our complicity in this will never be forgotten. Time is short. Please raise your voice on this today. Here's an easy link to auto-dial your reps if you're a USAmerican: https://act.uscpr.org/a/letaidin
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Btw much as I love to make fun of twitter and reddit's business decisions, I have 0% trust in tumblr's management to not go a similar route so this is your gentle reminder that you should regularly go to your blog settings to export your blog. That's a fancy way of saying you can download a backup of your blog so if everything goes down you'll still have a backup of your posts & convos.
It's gonna come as a surprise to most of you, but if you don't want to do that for whatever reason you're allowed to not reblog this post. I'm not holding a gun to your head here I'm just trying to spread the word for people who do want a backup of their stuff.
The story is supposed to go like this: a trans cult, or maybe the medical establishment, steals a young girl under its ghastly wing. A wounded girl, a scared one, desperate for reprieve from a violent world that has whipped her into self-hatred. The kidnapping cultists promise an escape. A cure to the horror of her body. Then, mutilation follows, which a brave few will eventually try to undo—only they never quite can.
No, wait.
The story is supposed to go like this: some people are trans men. They are assigned female at birth, but they are men, and so some want to make their body male. But sometimes, a select few regret their transition. They aren’t trans men. They’re actually cis—in agreement with their sex—but they’ve made a mistake for whatever reason. They are very scarce. A statistically inconsequential minority to which we ought not cede ground. After all, why should a society be concerned with a statistically minuscule people?
Regardless of which way you tell it, two constants remain. One: the trans and the detrans are antagonistic; the detrans have been hurt by transition care and now threaten its existence. Two: those that detransition are seeking to correct a prior mistake. Be it from the right or left, the story is always that of failure and regret.
Part I: When Your Worst Fears Come True
September 2023 marked the eighth anniversary of me starting testosterone. Getting HRT was something I’d fought for with great difficulty and determination: I’d burned bridges with an abusive family; I’d come out a year prior to the entirety of my university class and had already lived as a man; I then dropped out of university so I could work a full-time job to afford HRT. I did all this with full knowledge that I could not access the legal transition system in my country. I’d be unable to change my gender marker and would have to deal with that fact in a place where most people barely know what ‘transgender’ is, let alone accept it. But I was willing to weather all of that, and to my luck, I had no trouble passing for a man, and the vast majority of friends and acquaintances accepted me.
Needless to say, I was ecstatic to start testosterone. In adolescence my masculinity had been denied to me, the feminine traits of myself and my body forcibly exaggerated to put me in my (woman’s) place. Now, it felt like having all the features I’d come to despise overtaken by new growth. Like a ruin reclaimed by fresh ivy. I wasn’t entirely content—I wanted to be indistinguishable from a cis man, untouched by any insidious womanhood whatsoever. Only I found most cis men either uninspired-looking or repugnant, so… a pretty cis man? Androgynous, but not too androgynous, so I don’t get gay-bashed?
The real end goal I wished of my body was nebulous. There was no man I could cite as the Ur-Man for me, trans or cis, neither in character nor appearance. It wasn’t for lack of the much maligned Good Male Role Models in my life; I simply resonated with none of them. But there was life to be lived anyway. So I put one foot in front of the other, and sometimes, I knew my steps were dictated as much by fear of transphobia as they were by my own desires.
There are many things to fear while living as trans. One of my most personal anxieties was detransition. A forced one would be most horrid; to be put in a position where my bodily autonomy, so hard-won, could be stripped away as if it never existed.
But my strangest fear was that I would want to detransition. Not from some cruel necessity or right-wing brainwashing or what have you; genuinely, rationally, actively want it.
I knew why I feared that. Whenever I met another trans man or heard of their stories, some jigsaw puzzles would simply not fit. I never once desired to be a man until I learned of trans men’s existence. Never sought to play the role of a man and only half-enjoyed them now, if at all. Never, not even now, dreamt of myself as a man. At times another trans man would have the same ‘odd’ pieces, but then something else would find itself amiss again. On and on that list went.
One might call this a foregone conclusion in retrospect. Shouldn’t I have known? Shouldn’t a doctor have known? But this rather ignores that the psychology and study of transsexuality are hopelessly warped with attempts to eradicate it. My country’s procedures were dated. The questionnaires I took to have my doctor conclude I’m transsexual? Those were lousy with decades-dated misogyny (do you like housework? do you get aroused by housework? or maybe by cars?) and with voyeuristic, invasive questions (how do you have sex? how do you masturbate?) There were correct answers; there was no variation, which is only allowed for the cisgender. That procedure has since improved, especially in the West, but the traces remain. How does one introspect on one’s gender when that was the model for it? How does one even attempt to unravel the relationship between misogyny and desire to abandon womanhood when to do so threatens access to medical care? What sign ought I have looked for to distinguish myself from trans men when it was demanded no distinctions exist?
One does not exit a hostile care system with a healthier, more stable identity. That is nothing short of a miracle.
September 2023 marked the eighth anniversary of me exiting hostile care with a coveted prize in my grasp. It also marked the moment I looked in the mirror and saw exactly what I’d sought to win in that hellscape: an indisputable man. Not a cis man, of course, but one bereft of all the features that had haunted me to the point of self-harm. I was free, I had won; no one would ever look at me and think me a woman—no one ever did, those days.
I had won. And in my victory, I felt nothing at all.
Part II: Failure and Regret
The Right invests much bombast into transition regret. Loud ring the warning bells: this could happen to you! Your child! A girl with so much to live for, rendered barren, flat-chested, a misshapen man-thing! You, too, will live to regret it!
It amuses me. Queerness and butchness had marked me long ago; I was never particularly buxom or fecund. Never, in the heterosexist sense, something worthy of desire. I was a misshapen man-thing far before I asked people to call me ‘he.’ The people who made sure I knew I was a monster man-woman were precisely the kinds of people that now warned me away from turning myself into what—according to them—I already was. The sheer parental panic with which I’d been forced into makeup and dresses, you’d think I transitioned already.
Even more amusingly, sometimes the Right claims to care about butch lesbians. Tomboys are being mutilated, they say. It’s an imposition of gender stereotypes; women can be masculine!
But if the Right believes women can be lesbian and masculine, what’s with the whole fixation on ruined femininity and birthing wombs?
Indeed, the Right’s acceptance of detransitioned women is full of little caveats. They are to be paraded as damaged goods at conservative rallies. Their lost breasts and ovaries will be ever-ogled, figuratively if not literally, and the ‘irreversible damage’ left by testosterone examined with morbid fascination. They are the Right’s Magdalenes. They’re proof there’s good in the transgressive—that is, that the enemy can be pitied, assimilated. As an underclass, of course. They’re never to truly cease being damaged, for they must be proof that sex can only be ruined, never changed.
For a detransitioner, there is temptation in the Right’s conditional acceptance. It offers an easy answer to their current pain. The past choice they may regret or suffer under—why, it should’ve been prevented! If only you listened to the right authorities, all would’ve been well. Not altogether different than regretting a marriage or college major. Many an adult decries stupid choices of youth—and those certainly happen—but what’s scariest of all is the notion you weren’t making rash or ill-informed decisions. I know I wasn’t. And if that is so, then it means the current self—the mature one, the one with 20/20 hindsight—could make a mistake, too.
Right-wing detransitioners take for granted there exists a guardian angel that could’ve healed them of the gendered distress they once felt and showed them a path to contentment. That is a very tall order, considering how misogynistic and hostile psychiatry and psychology are, historically speaking. And that’s to say nothing of religion. But at least they would’ve been prevented from transitioning; misery averted—right?
My guardian angel, you could say, was lack of funds. I wanted top surgery—double mastectomy—but there was no way I could afford it, not in many years’ time. Now I realise I would’ve come to regret it and would’ve likely sought to reverse its effects. So I’m all good, right? I benefitted from how flawed trans healthcare is, didn’t I?
Perhaps. But there was a reason I wanted a mastectomy, and not a frivolous one. Every time I needed to see a doctor for a respiratory infection, I did so in fear of transphobic malpractice. I would minimise the time I spent in places where my chest could be exposed—gyms, pools, beaches, goddamned corporate retreats. And then there was the way my body, breasts included, had been used to prove to me I was not just a woman but Woman, a biodestined vessel for coy giggles, cookware, and pregnancy. And how that made me feel.
Indeed, I would later find out there are women and nonbinary people that do not identify with manhood yet seek the exact same top surgery I once wanted, for similar reasons. With no regrets. They wish to take control of their body and do so. And I know that, had I been able to get top surgery in the past, it would’ve made me happy for a good while.
So what’s more important: years of constant anxiety, or lack of hypothetical regret?
The right-wing detransitioner assumes one’s current self to be the ultimate judge of one’s choices—but take that principle to its logical conclusion, and it will seem like no decision should ever be made. There is always a prospective Future You which possesses more knowledge. Always the possibility of regret. Of course, decisions in life are sort of inevitable, but don’t worry about that—the powers that be will handle that. Ancestral tradition, or a caring authority figure. That’s also all humans with exactly the same issues, but don’t worry about that either. Maybe God is speaking through them. You never know.
In the end, the prescripts of the Right march to the same grim conclusion. That the only decision you can ever make with total certainty is death.
Part III: Death, the Tarot Kind
Queer culture delights in tales of transformation. We were all once larval—in the closet, often abused and scared. Trapped in a world of rigid roles and brutal dominion. But one day, we hope to metamorphose into our true shape and to take flight above a blissful, lawless, ever-shifting sea of change.
Most queer people are cisgender, and more still do not seek to transition, but the nature of all our transgressions is intimately entwined with gender anyway. We’re all doing it ‘wrong,’ by the wider society’s definition, even the most masculine of cis gay men or the most feminine of cis lesbian women. Unsurprising, then, are the queer community’s various attempts to embrace gender variance and to lay bare the plasticity of sex.
There is nothing per se about detransition that does not fit this mould. If gender is to be fucked with, why not take it for a swing? Indeed, in my experience most queer people would agree it’s entirely possible to detransition without weaponising transphobia or lapsing rightward.
But that’s usually a hypothetical thought exercise that ends exactly there. Maybe that queer person knows a detransitioner, maybe they don’t; regardless, the lives of the detransitioned do not interact with queer ideas of sex/gender, or indeed queer ideas about anything. The only time the detransitioned are really remarked on is only to state our statistical insignificance—or rather, the statistical insignificance of transition regret. I don’t personally regret my transition for the most part, so I wouldn’t even count there.
Whereas the Right sings lyrical about all the motivations and trials and tribulations of the detransitioned (and deftly twists the verses to fit the chorus), the Left does not usually consider the lives of the detransitioned at all. Mistakes happen, they suppose. Kind of funny we ‘failed at gender’ twice. Too bad we’re so miserable, they guess. What, ‘the patriarchy made you do it’? BuzzFeed feminism is so-o-o 2010s, bro.
It would be accurate to surmise the queer community has ceded the concept of detransition to the Right. The queer stance is, in effect, ‘it doesn’t matter anyway’—a defensive and reactive one.
That is not to say the Left as a whole is to blame for grifting detransitioners or the Right itself—the blame is always, first and foremost, on the ones that actually do the harm. And the negligence of the Left doesn’t really harm those that happily push others under the bus—sadly, some people are just assholes. No, the consequences are felt instead by detrans people that have no desire to participate in the transphobia circus, and after that, trans people themselves. The Right’s deathgrip on the detransition narrative means detransition itself is conceptually tied to the Right. Because there is no alternative trans-positive narrative, there is no way to exist as detrans and not affirm someone else’s transphobia, no matter how many times you say you don’t hate trans people. After all there is only one thing people think of when they hear ‘detransitioner.’ And now you are it, whether you like it or not.
I feared I would detransition because, on some level, I knew I might. But why fear it? It’s hard to be trans. There are clear privileges to socially presenting as your birth sex. Doctors will readily help you undo transition. I didn’t want to grift—well, fucking fantastic. Easy enough to not do something. What’s the problem?
I feared it because it’s soul-crushing to know your existence hurts the people you love most. Your friends, partners, mentors. So many cis people in my past knew me as The Trans Person—and now what? How much of the good I had done would be ruined? And by what possible example could I imagine my life as a detransitioner? What is there to even aspire to? And what about everything I’d sacrificed to transition in the first place? All the strife and ridicule I endured, only to have it whispered to me from leering faces: “See? We were right all along.”
All that, to face alone.
At a certain point my resistance to the idea of detransition was motivated only by this. Only by what others would make of me against my will. Not my personal desires. Nothing else at all. To be turned into such a spectacle, a public property of a person, felt like nothing short of death.
Part IV: Afterlife
I decided to start this substack after listening to every podcast appearance by Lucy Kartikasari I could find. She is a detrans woman with a similar yet different story; she transitioned much younger, but went through a similarly arcane approval system and years of waiting; she is not a lesbian; she has detransitioned, and she speaks in favour of trans healthcare and trans rights. The name Dolphin Diaries also originates with her—or rather, with a different, anonymous user, whose idea she broadcast on her TikTok. A dolphin as a symbol of detransition; a mammal that evolved from the ocean to walk on land and then returned to an aquatic life. I find it an appealing and pithy comparison, one free of unnecessary gendering or judgement.
There are precious few voices that speak of detransition in a positive, non-right-wing light. It’s a perspective fraught with thorny, uncomfortable questions. A perspective which is easier to ignore—unless you can’t. If for no one else, I write this for people that felt the same way I did. Trapped, not by ‘mistakes’ or by ‘gender ideology’, but by the image others have painted of them before they could even protest.
I do not write this for the Right. There is nothing I can say that would sway you, and there is nothing you can say that would sway me—and believe me, I have listened more carefully and with far more good faith than you ever have. Feel free to comment how much you pity my womb, or something. I promise to leave its fertility a mystery. I’m a tease that way.
As for other potential readers of this blog: while I do believe it a failure of queer rhetoric to adequately synthesise detransition into the overall gender politic, I don’t believe it’s everyone else’s job to create that synthesis. Who better than a detransitioner, after all? I ask not that you solve my problems for me.
the article ends on "as for other potential readers of this blog: while I do believe it a failure of queer rhetoric to adequately synthesise detransition into the overall gender politic, I don’t believe it’s everyone else’s job to create that synthesis. Who better than a detransitioner, after all? I ask not that you solve my problems for me." i'm not a detransitioner but i would say that it absolutely *is* the job of queer people, especially trans people, to embrace detransitoners. do we not have more things in common than we dont? multiple lived gender experiences in one lifetime, experiencing a masculinizing or feminizing puberty/second puberty and having to navigate the world after that while living your preferred gender? navigating interpersonal relationships with cis people who don't understand your existence?
detransitioning is a neutral act, not a malicious or dangerous thing to do. detransitioners deserve to be embraced and supported
Thank you for your response, I appreciate your support. It's very true that detrans people have far more in common with trans people than cis people, and I believe out struggle is shared.
To be annoying and um-actually you a bit, what I talked about at the end of the essay was a call to rethink detransition within a queer and trans framework--that is, a transfeminist framework. I said it is the job of detrans people--myself included--because we are best suited to reflect on our experience. Support and a listening ear are greatly needed and welcome, but they are not the same thing.
Also I wanted to address something in the tags:
It is indeed correct that many people detransition not because they want to, but because they have to, or feel like they have to. Which is why, especially with the current political climate in mind, I caution against simply stating that detransitioning for any reason is fine, or valid, or whatever. People who detransition because of poverty, or because they're deep in a spiral of transition doomerism, do not need to be told what they're doing is okay--they need help transitioning.
In the same vein, my needs as a willing detransitioner are not the same as that of someone who detransitions by necessity or coercion. In the end we're all in it for the freedom to live as the gender we are and embody the sex that we wish, but our lived realities create different needs that require different responses. The reason we're banded under 'detrans' is due to politicisation of detransition, not because it actually makes much sense. It only makes sense from a cis perspective, not a trans or detrans one.
It's important to recognise that trans people are punished for transitioning, threatened with forced detransition, and fed misinfo about transition to gaslight them into detransitioning. It's also important to recognise voluntary detransition as something that exists and differs from forced detransition. One is a form of punishment and violent assimilation, the other a mode of voluntary sex modification and gender mobility.
It will be impossible to draw a completely hard line so long as transition is so heavily marginalised and cisness so comprehensively enforced, but ignoring either one or the other creates a leeway for further marginalisation of transness altogether. Disregarding voluntary transition opens a pipeline to misrepresent it as proof that transition is harmful, and it abandons detrans people; disregarding forced detransition opens a pipeline to happily patting trans people on the back as they're beaten back into closets. And it won't be too good for detransitioners, either, because we need all the same meds.
Random fact: They did a study on courtship and mating behavior of American alligators at the St. Augustine Alligator Farm in the early 1980's. This study revealed that, among other things, the majority of alligator sex is gay
keep a part of yourself reserved for yourself alone and build a relationship with the silence at the heart of your solitude. who you are before that silence is the closest thing you can get to an unobstructed view of yourself. the noisier it is in your head, the further away you are from the middle. take medication if it helps keep the volume down. remain in your body and listen to it. whatever the day disintegrates within you, make some attempt to reintegrate it each night. whatever emotion is shaking you like a rabbit in the jaws of a dog, go limp and wait for the dog to finish before you take action or speak rashly. keep all promises to yourself. eat and sleep and drink as well as you can. figure out what makes the integity of your self worse and quit doing it. show up every day to the job of taking care of yourself. forge close personal bonds with your peers, if you can locate some peers. dance.
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As governments around the world become more and more repressive, as cops with the full arsenal of high-tech surveillance tools collude with fascists on a daily basis, and as the alt-right grows its’ army of basement-dwelling incel internet trolls, it has become immensely important for activists to practice good security culture. Here are a bunch of articles and resources to help you get started.
Security Culture
- What Is Security Culture?
- Riseup.net: Digital Security
- A Step-by-Step Guide to Direct Action: What It Is, How It Works
- Towards a Collective Security Culture
- Security Culture: A Handbook for Activists
- Is S/He an Informant?A Ten Point Checklist
General Guides, Getting Started
- Your Security Plan - What Kind of Security Do You Really Need?
- Security in a Box: Digital Security Tools and Tactics
- Surveillance self-defense: Security starter pack
- Essential Online Security: An Anarchist’s Guide for Everyone!
- Privacy rights are under attack. Defend yourself
Doxxing
- Anti-doxxing Guide for Activists Facing Attacks from the Alt-Right
- Speak Up & Stay Safe®: A Guide to Protecting Yourself From Online Harassment
- How to Remove Yourself From People Search Directories
Password Security
- Find Out If Hackers Have your Password with HaveIBeenPwned.Com
Smartphones
- YOUR PHONE IS A COP: An OpSec/InfoSec Primer for the Dystopian Present
- Take Care of Yourself, Take Care of Your Friends: Some Starting Places for Drawing Digital Boundaries
- Never ever turn off your phone: rethinking security culture in the era of big data analysis
- 12 ways to hack-proof your smartphone
More Reading
- A big list of Security Culture related zines from Sprout Distro
- Take Back Your Online Privacy: Computer Security Resources For Activists & Everyday Humans
I really hate a lot of the advice on the Internet about taming birds.
So much of it is literally "isolate your birds so they bond to you instead of each other" or "clip your bird's wings so it can't get away from you when it feels nervous." I'm no expert, but that's fucked up, man.
I can verify that you are absolutely correct because that's pretty much exactly how two of my great-grandmothers tamed a shitload of wild-wild songbirds and a condor, respectively.
