🩸 taste the blood 🩸

one of my friends started going on dates with her mailman but he cut things off and now it's like a situation where she's seeing her "ex" (lack of better term) like every day because he's her mailman

do you guys remember when we used to say oh worm all the time. remember that

is anybody out there

I asked my five year old cousin what he would do if there was a scary skeleton and he said "I would pour water on it and then kick it" and I've been losing my shit laughing crying about a wet skeleton for about fifteen minutes straight

Evil haunted dead wife picture locket that makes u hallucinate memories of a dead wife u never had frolicking in a wheat field and running across the beach and baking a big cake and she puts a lil frosting on ur nose and painting the walls on a house you never lived in

washing dishes is evil because you go "oh fuck there's so many dishes this is gonna take foreverrr" and then you enter the dish abyss and emerge with your abdomen somehow covered in water and your hands all wrinky and then you look at the clock and what felt like half an hour was actually 10 minutes

sorry to everyone out there who thinks they have the funniest tshirt but i think i can confidently say i just saw the actual funniest tshirt just now. i passed by a beautiful black woman with long multicolor braids blowing majestically in the beach breeze & she was wearing an oversized tshirt that said in gigantic letters "WHITE BOY OF THE YEAR"

Got sad today because two sixth grade students shared some inside joke that was so funny they collapsed against each other in giggles and I was hit with a massive wave of “I’ll never be young again.”

Got happy today because one of those same sixth graders (they’re seventh graders now) approached me after seeing me have a irrepressible giggle with a friend and said “you and [my friend] are just like me and [his friend], you can’t stop laughing.”

it's so fucking cute. That war wlf is frolicking

Someone drew this in anger, they drew this and said "look at what a terrible beast you are"