Platypus

the iconic all stars 2017 rozanov-hollander helmet kiss hits the internet

later, rozanov gleefully decides to repeat it when hollander scores in a regular game... against? boston?

what the hell is he doing? that guy is so weird. at least hollander, unflappable as ever, seems to take it in stride and just laughs it off. even rozanov struggles to get under hollander's skin, huh?

("can't i appreciate good hockey?" he says, later, when asked about it. "a beautiful goal is a beautiful goal, even if it is from hollander!")

("does this mean you'll kiss any opposing teammate who scores an impressive enough goal?")

("no ❤️")

rozanov scores against montreal a few minutes later, and holds out his arms to hollander expectantly. hollander's answering 😐 is so iconic it enters several people's reaction image folders once it hits the internet.

the next time hollander scores in this game his teammates are ready. they get there first. back OFF, rozanov. if ANYONE is going to kiss hollander for that beautiful goal, it's US.

all five teammates on the ice with hollander pass him around to take turns smooching his head while rozanov loudly protests he should also be allowed to have a turn and gets laughed off.

shane hollander would just like to know how he got here? why is this happening to him exactly? hello?

unfortunately for shane hollander, he gets a hat trick this game, which means the metros new tradition of "linemates, defensemen, and the goalie all have to pass hollander around for kisses" is cemented. he's not getting out of this now.

it continues on into other games. it's just a thing now. it's popular with the fans, and it always makes hollander laugh and roll his eyes, and everyone loves when a camera manages to get a close up of shane hollander (the most beautiful man in the entire league) laughing.

("jaaane i didn't mean for this to happen. i don't want to see all these other men kissing you 😭😭😭😭")

("You did this. I have no sympathy. This is directly your fault.")

("this is u right now isnt it 😾😾😾")

("Fuck off.")

the people of montreal really love this bit. not only are the crowds blowing hollander kisses every time he scores in a home game, but also he's getting ribbed about it during post-game press. Everyone Loves Cap Kissy Time

it becomes something of a montreal local meme. every time something good happens (nailed a job interview? got a promotion? got back a straight-A report card?) you have to blow a kiss to the centre bell. for captain hollander.

this is all well and good until the day they just barely lose a game to boston in overtime. and then rozanov turns to blow a kiss across the ice to hollander.

Thriving: "I got this"

Calm and steady with minor mood fluctuations

Able to take things in stride

Consistent performance

Able to take feedback and to adjust to changes or plans

Able to focus

Able to communicate effectively

Normal sleep patterns and appetite

Surviving: "Something isn't right"

Nervousness, sadness, increased mood fluctuations

Inconsistent performance

More easily overwhelmed or irritated

Increased need for control and difficulty adjusting to changes

Trouble sleeping or eating

Activities and relationships you used to enjoy seem less interesting or even stressful

Muscle tension, low energy, headaches

Struggling: "I can't keep this up"

Persistent fear, panic, anxiety, anger, pervasive sadness, hopelessness

Exhaustion

Poor performance and difficulty making decisions or concentrating

Avoiding interaction with coworkers, family and friends

Fatigue, aches and pains

Restless, disturbed sleep

Self-medicating with substances, food, or other numbing activities

In Crisis: "I can't survive this"

Disabling distress and loss of function

Panic attacks

Nightmares or flashbacks

Unable to fall or stay asleep

Intrusive thoughts

Thoughts of self-harm or suicide

Easily enraged or aggressive

Careless mistakes and inability to focus

Feeling numb, lost, or out of control

Withdrawal from relationships

Dependence on substances, food, or other numbing activities to cope

*At the other side of the 118*

someone at dinner is talking about the complexities of funeral arrangements and how hard it is to organize everything when already grieving and ilya sees The Look happening on shane's face at his side and is then just

knowing he's going to get woken up at fuck o'clock tonight to talk about the fully-detailed options of cremation versus burial shane is going to run past him.

Most common I've seen in this fandom I think is switching their draft pick order, but let's get more funky!

Bisexual Shane x Gay Ilya, they would be totally different characters and I wonder

Experienced and Confident Shane x Inexperienced and Eager Ilya, hot hot hot

And, one thats been diabolically ping-ponging in my brain for a while...

Toxic and Abusive Family Dynamics Shane x Stable and Supportive Family Ilya, when the danger of Russia and the safety of Canada are not total and absolute, and everything gets murkier...

I thought we made fun of MRAs because they are misguided and misogynistic for believing that feminism is against their interests and they need a movement apart from it. I thought we made fun of them for not understanding that feminism is in favor of men's liberation from the oppressive patriarchal binary as much as women's.

But some of you are actually making fun of MRAs because you think men have no problems to complain about, and feminism ISN'T for men, because they don't need anything, and the patriarchy isn't the enemy, men are?

But some of you are actually making fun of any men who ask to be taken seriously and have their needs met and issues heard, even though they aren't talking over women? Some of you are making fun of marginalized men for talking about the experiences at their unique intersections of identities and asking for justice because you actually DO think "all men [insert bad behavior here]?"

This is why you sound like a clown if you say "trans men who want feminism to be for them are misgendering themselves" and "trans men benefit from the patriarchy because all men benefit from the patriarchy" and "trans men experience no unique injustices because misandry isn't a systemic axis of oppression" and "trans men have male privilege so they can't be oppressed."

Because even if you take "trans" out of these statements, they're still incorrect. Feminism is for people of all genders. Men can be harmed by the patriarchy. The ways in which men are harmed by the patriarchy are different from the ways others are harmed by the patriarchy. Having certain "privileges" in certain contexts doesn't negate the harm of a rigid social structure that punishes nonconformity.

The patriarchy is a system where ALL people have rigid roles imposed upon them. All else being equal, certain advantages are more likely to be given to men (or masculine people, or people AMAB, or people with male sex characteristics, depending on CONTEXT). But all else is RARELY equal and even when it is, the range of experiences is vast, and the system is rigged against almost everyone.

Because the goal most individuals have, and the right all individuals deserve, is to be themselves, and to do so by choice. And no matter who you are, the patriarchy stands in opposition to this goal. It tells you who you're allowed to be, who you're not allowed to be, what you're allowed to do, and what others are allowed to do to you. This is an injustice for people of all genders.

We're ALL trapped. This system can only be dismantled if we understand the WHOLE thing. Which means we need to listen to everyone when they talk about the harms the system is causing them, from where THEY'RE stuck in it.

Shane and Ilya are obviously hunkering down at the cottage together. There's no hockey, but they don't know for how long, so they're still training all the time. They're doing interviews and having to make it look like they're in completely different places. Ilya has to keep being reminded that he's supposed to still be back in Ottawa.

Ilya's teammates keep asking if they can be in a lockdown bubble together and he's gotta be like "No, can't do that. I'm not taking any chances." But now they're worried because he hasn't seen or been around another human being in months and they've noticed that even before lockdown he made more jokes about killing himself than the average person, so they're stressed to their eyeballs about his mental health.

Meanwhile Ilya's living the kind of domestic fantasy with his man that he didn't think they were going to get until retirement. For the first time ever most days he can truly pretend that he and Shane are the only people in the world. Sometimes David and Yuna come over for dinner because they are also isolating at their cottage. But most of the time it's just endless hours of just the two of them and neither of them could be happier. Their biggest decision every day is when and where to fuck. Some people are getting into sourdough – Shane and Ilya have committed to learning one new sexual position every day.

its a speeding ticket (not uncommon) with a traffic enforcement photo attached and its undeniable that it’s ilya’s (very few orange lamborghinis in the area) so shane is like “wow way to go. another few of those and your license is finally going to get revoked” and ilya is like “no. look closer.”

and shane leans in to look at the photo and tiny, just barely perceptible on the grainy photo, is ilya’s hand with a handful of dark hair in his lap

He watches a highlight reel of Ilya celebrating with his line and realizes he's just going to have to accept it.