Posts by a lurking lurker who lurks

It is key to my personal #myshane that he does not have an autism diagnosis. As a kid he was maybe brought to a specialist, and they looked at him and diagnosed him with Rambunctious Little Boy, because it was the 90s and he wasn't experiencing any significant delays! He was just throwing himself in puddles constantly, and he never stopped wiggling, and his favorite game was Toddler Rave Chamber, in which he shut himself in the bathroom and flickered the lights off and on for as long as it took for his parents to find and stop him.  

Wrapping small child Shane in heavy, sweaty hockey gear was an unexpected lifeline in the ongoing battle he's been waging against his body. Gear is heavy. It pressed him into himself. Any sweaty feeling was a bonus, because wet fabric against skin is A Distinct Feeling and that feeling also helped him get the minimum sensory input needed to function effectively. Underarmor would also be a favorite. 

(For context: my brother is an autistic sensory seeker. Aside from the ongoing sensory stuff he has very low support needs at this point in his life. I am pulling from Life Experience living with him, I am not spouting autism stereotypes out my ass)

I don't know if monkey bars were a playground staple for Canadian kids in the 90s, but the proprioceptive input from them is GREAT for baby Shane. He's too socially aware to do any visible repetitive motion stims, but sports and playground equipment that involve flinging himself around in space are the best. If there's a convenient puddle on that playground, you'd better believe be is sticking his feet in it. Wet shoes are heavy and heavy things on his body Feel Nice.  

They shared a single, brief, stilted conversation and Ilya was staring at Shane in the rafters while he was actively involved with a practice with his team at the International Prospect Cup.

At the draft, Ilya stares down at Shane from above and corners him in a public hotel gym to flirt with him.

At the CCM photoshoot, Ilya calls Shane pretty and cannot stop himself from giggling at his proximity to the cute boy who’s been consuming his thoughts since their first meeting. Afterward, in the shower, he touches himself next to Shane and they end up hooking up.

At the Nashville All-Star game, Ilya taps his foot against Shane’s in a room full of people, moves across the bench to flirt with him, and pointedly tells him his hotel room number as he skates by him in front of everyone. A few hours later, Ilya is throwing himself between Shane’s legs and begging to fuck him.

On the Vegas rooftop, which is accessible to anyone, they argue yet Ilya can’t help but push Shane against a wall and kiss him passionately.

At the Vegas award show, he holds Shane’s neck in the crowded room and sensually trails his hand down his back. In the bathroom, which is, again, public and accessible to everyone, Ilya can’t help but cross the small space to touch Shane, caress him, and kiss him, then text him in the middle of a crowded party his hotel room number.

In the episode 4 montage, Ilya doesn’t even make it to the bedroom in Shane’s apartment before he bends Shane over the couch, and in the same montage refuses to part his lips from Shane’s as the ascend the stairs in Shane’s apartment. When Shane comes to Ilya’s house, it’s barely a minute before Ilya’s mouth is on Shane’s and he has Shane up on the counter.

Contrast this to Sasha in the Russian bathroom in episode 2, someone who Ilya has been intimate with. He allows Sasha to crowd into his space, unaffected, and rejects him with ease because it’s disinterest motivating his rejection here more than fear.

Ilya does not trust himself around Shane because he knows he can’t resist being close to him, touching him, kissing him, holding him. Ilya tries to come off as cool and unaffected, which can lead to the shallow interpretation that he’s manipulating or using Shane, but the fact of the matter is he knows he can’t resist Shane. When Shane approaches him in Russia, Ilya barely looks at him because he knows there’s a chance he’ll crumble if he does, and that’s dangerous.

yuna shows up at the cottage because shane isn’t replying to her emails or texts or calls, all while she basically has samsung and in the palm of her hand ready to sign a deal with shane

she locks herself in and very nearly gets an eyesore of something she definitely shouldn’t see - but thankfully shane was able to stop her in time (barely dressed)

“what the fuck are you doing here?!”

“well you’ve been ignoring me all week! no answers, no word, nothing - and meanwhile i’ve almost secured the next big sponsorship for you with samsung”

“mum! you know these are the only two weeks of the year ilya and i get to be completely alone and safe in our own home…with no one interrupting us or fucking up our peace”

“and i’m so sorry the world is so unfair to you baby, but really it would’ve only taken you an hour or two to read over the new potential contract with samsung and reply — (interrupted)”

“i’m on vacation! im not gonna read any contracts or spend any amount of time away from my man. we get two precious weeks out of the year just to our selves, where we can finally fucking breathe!…also samsung? i’ve never owned a samsung product ever in my life?”

“well it would be a good opportunity for you! all they want is a photoshoot over the weekend, one or two sponsored instagram posts and photops where you use the new phone — (interrupted again)”

“do you even hear yourself?! this weekend? the last one ilya and i have together before we’re separated again and have to pretend the other doesn’t exist? actually no, im not explaining anymore. get out and give me your fucking key”

“wha- what?”

“your emergency key. clearly you don’t know what qualifies as an emergency. had i not heard your car pull in you would’ve seen your son in a very compromising position. i’ll only trust dad with the key form now on.”

“but what about samsung? shall i tell them you require some additional time to consider —”

“no! i’m not signing with any new sponsors. i’ll keep rolex and ccm but once my other contracts expire i will not resign. i’m a hockey player, not a model.” (takes a deep breath)

“but these sponsors help give you a better image, a broader reach and — ”

“i’m the most famous man in hockey. i already have fans outside of hockey just because of my looks. i do not need any more, i do not want any more. i just want to play hockey”

(deafening silence)

“you’ve worked so hard for so long for me. you’ve done incredible work — fuck, you even got me a rolex sponsorship before i even set foot on mlh ice…but i think we’ve reached the point where i don’t need all this anymore. you’d do much better working with rookies or players like hayden who really need your help. i don’t.”

“but shane, honey - i love supporting you”

“and i want your support mom. but not as my manager, because clearly you’ve forgotten where the fucking line is.”

“so what - this is it, you’re firing me?” (tearful but composed)

“maybe. or maybe we should mtually decide to end our professional partnership. because as my manager you might be right to check up on a client not responding to any calls…but as my mom you should’ve fucking known what our silent retreat means, you should’ve never come here to berate me about a sponsorship you should know i’d never want”

(yuna nodding in quiet acceptance)

“now hand over the key and please leave. we’ll see you both on saturday for dads pasta. until then i don’t want to be near any other person”

“i’ll …i’ll do as you say. and i’ll find a way out of this samsung deal, i promise”

“thanks mom” (still barely dressed, drool dried on his chin) “i appreciate it”

“and, maybe…maybe you’re right, even though it will fucking hurt not helping your career. but we can figure all this out after your vacation.

“you will still be there for me mom, just from the stands and not from behind the camera”

(quick hug and kiss on the cheek) “well, dad and i look forward to seeing you both on saturday. kiss ilya for me, honey”

“i will. say hi to dad, ilya will have a thousand new questions about mcgill for him so he better be ready…now you have about five seconds to leave before ilya comes out here naked and — ”

And Ilya telling Shane "You don't like me" and Shane immediately responding "Yeah, I do. I like you maybe a little too much".

keep fighting the good fight 🫡

YESSSS fuck yes he's a SADIST. It's there in the text for those with eyes to see. I'm going to relate this back to the look on his face when Shane says no to him immediately before the phone call blowjob. The way his eyes are working, the expression on his face...the man is a sadist. He loves causing Shane distress and embarrassment. And Shane CANONICALLY loves taking all of it and being rewarded afterwards.

I go back and forth on whether I think Rachel completely understood the kind of gas she was cooking with. Currently my theory is that she knew these things were HOT, and maybe specifically hot TO HER, but that maybe she didn't entirely understand the context of the tropes. Some things are SO OBVIOUS while other things she says in the narration are like. Okay well that's very clearly kink but it's being couched in a weird way. Maybe it's a consequence of the editorial process or maybe it's Rachel herself, it's genuinely hard to tell.

On his real estate career:

“i had to buy a whole other house i pretended to live in just so people wouldn’t guess we were secretly together. imagine if you had to do that with jackie”

On why it’s so important everyone knows they’re married:

“i’m almost thirty and my whole career i couldn’t have my parter being my next of kin, emergency contact, or power of attorney. instead it was my mum like i’m still a child”

On why he loves spending his time with ilya:

“did you know that in the ten years we’ve been together we’ve never even had breakfast together. everything we had was rushed, clandestine, kept under wraps so we didn’t loose our livelihoods and reputation”

Bonus Ilya explaining the russia of it all