Jules of Nature

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trying on a metaphor

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@piolhyna

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i will never be over the fact that during first contact a human offered their hand to a vulcan and the vulcan was just like āwow humans are fucking wildā and took it
Humanityās first contact with Vulcans was some guy goingĀ āIām down to fuck.ā
Vulcansā first contact with Humans was an emphaticĀ āSure.ā
@sineala
#iiiiiiiiiiiiii mean vulcans had been watching humans for a long time#they knew the significance of a handshake but still#they had to find some fast and loose ambassador#willing to fuckin make out with a human for the sake of not offending them on first contact#lmao#star trek give me the story of this fast and loose vulcan
āsirā¦theseā¦these humansā¦they greet each other byā¦ā *glances around before furtively whispering* āby clasping handsā¦ā
*prolonged silence*Ā āoh myā¦ā
āsirā¦sir how will we make first contact with them? surely weā¦we cannot refuse this handclasping ritual, they will take it as an insult, but what vulcan would agree to such a distasteful and uncomfortable ritual??ā
*several pensive moments later*Ā ācontact the vulcan high command and tell them to send us kuvak. i once saw that crazy son of a bitch arm wrestle a klingon, heāll put his hands on anythingā
Elsewhere, w/ kuvak: āā¦.my day has come.ā
The vulcanĀ who made first contact with humans is named Solkar guys. Yāall just be makinā up names for characters that already have names.
Bonus: hereās a screencap of Solkar doing the āmy body is readyā pose right before he shakes Zefram Cochraneās hand:
I swear Vulcans only come in two types and they areĀ ādistant xenophobesā orĀ āhorny on main for humanityā. Also apparently this guy is Spockās great-grandfather and frankly that explains everything.
Hey so I looked into this at one point and that handshake literally created a lifelong telepathic bond between the two of them, and basically all of Solkarās descendants were later obsessed with humans, including freaking SPOCK, so Iām not saying that handshake was so gay and good that it created an intergenerational telepathic bond between Solkarās descendants and humans, but Iām also notā¦.notā¦.saying that.
actual footage of first contact makeouts
The slow deliberation with which Solkar takes CockraneāsāIām sorry, Cochraneāsāhand⦠The sheer sensuality witch which Solkar infuses an otherwise borderline impersonal social ritual⦠It clearly shows a very conscious knowledge, on Solkarās part, of what the significance of the handshake is in Vulcan terms and of how affected he is by it.
Thatās why heās so slow in doing it, andĀ so sensual. A part of Solkar canāt believe this is happening, despite it being a perfectly logical thing to expect from a human, and the rest of him canāt believe how good it is.
I bet that if the camera zoomed in any further we would see the dilation of Solkarās pupils and a quickly-repressed shiver of delight. Cochraneās firm, businesslike clasp is probably (in sexual terms) being perceived as a deliciously carnal display of dominance.
No wonder Solkar is all like,Ā āTAKE ME, YOU WILD-MANNERED BARBARIAN WITH ENTICINGLY ROUGH CALLUSES.ā
And so we find out that yes, there is such a thing as bottoming in Pon-farr.
Every time this post comes round my dash, it just gets better.
#somehow the idea of vulcans being Horny On Main always gives me the giggles#like literally all they had to do#was be like actually#hand contact is very intimate for our species#and im p sure humanity as a whole would not find that insurmountably weird#there are human cultures that dont shake hands#vulcans are logical enough to think that through on their own#so clearly that vulcan was just down to fuck#down to fuck in a public#professional diplomatic situation no less#and he did not fucking care who knew itĀ (via kittykatthetacodemon)
Some Vulcan: we could probably just explain that handshakes are intimate in our culture
Solkar, rubbing lip gloss on his hand: donāt tell me how to do my jobĀ
This is my favourite Star Trek post, complete with headcanons, corrections, the truth coming out of her well to shame Spock even. Seriously perfect fandom work.
They could have explained none of it and responded to the offered hand with a polite bow. First contact was gonna be with the guy who proved they were technologically ready for it but any human aware of Japan and China would recognise that
Tragedy alignment chart. Feel free to use, but please reblog if you do.
And of course the second part of the tragedy, which is: which quadrant did you think you were in vs. which one you were really in
theres too many pokemon games where you play as a kid whos full of life and full of potential. there needs to be a pokemon game where you play as a college dropout who lives in a shitty apartment
your starter pokemon are trubbish, rattata and glameow. which symbolise the trash you keep forgetting to take out, the rats living in your walls and the stray cat you keep trying to befriend but it keeps hissing at you.
you guys dont get it its not supposed to be dark and edgy its supposed to be living in a mundane setting and slowly rediscovering the wonder in the world by going on a journey with a magical trash bag that is your friend, its about love and recovery and coping with the stress of your adult life with your friend who is made of sentient garbage
Iāve never been so attached to literal trash before
I am similarly attached to the sentient trash. Can't wait to take him on little adventures
Wasnāt this Detective Pikachu the film?

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Tryna cleanly peel off the price sticker from your new book
Just watched Adam Conover (of Adam Ruins Everything) make such a solid point that I think we should spread far and wide. Yes, having AI write your emails is lazy, sure, but people love being lazy. We need to really emphasize that sending AI emails (or using AI responses on social media, or publishing AI flyers, or or or) is rude.
It's rude. You're making someone take their time to read something you couldn't bother to write. You're telling them they were so unimportant you couldn't be bothered to actually take the time to say something yourself. And frankly, you're lying about it while you're at it.
It's rude.
A while back my pharmacist saw my deadname on my profile and accidentially called it out, he corrected and deleted my deadname from the system so only my preferred name shows up now. There was a crowd of people behind me, so as he hands over the pills he apologized, in equal tone and volume as when he called my deadname and lied saying it's been a long day and he didn't mean to call out -his own- name. I quietly told him it was fine and he didn't need to do that for my sake.
His response: "No, it's my name now."
I went to the pharmacist yesterday, his nametag is my deadname. He informed me he's immigrating and in the process he's changed his first name to my deadname to have an English sounding name. That's why he's now able to get a reprint of his nametag to be my deadname. And repeated, with the intense seriousness of someone who is going to die on this hill: "It's mine now. Not yours. I'm taking." His tone indicated that decision is final.
Bro literally deadnamed me once, and has committed to flat out stealing my deadname. It's his now. Legally. Officially. I over heard his co-workers call him by the name.
this is an example of a symbiotic relationship
iām obsessed with the mum from ponyo. driving single lane on a cliff edge? drift those turns in your nissan cube. husband has to work an extra shift? tell him to fuck off in morse code. pet fish turned into a child on your driveway? adopt her. town drowned in a tsunami? leave your 5 year old in charge, heās the man of the house now
ideal woman to me and i am not kidding
SHE SHOULD BE AT THE CLUB
I donāt think the club could handle her
WAIT IS IT??
LMAO YES

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My friend really changed once she became a vegetarianĀ
its like ive never seen herbivore
i sighed so loud my mom asked me if i was okay and sheās two rooms away
sorry to be a broken record every month but christ menstruation is a stupid concept. oooooh excuse me for not getting pregnant, why the fuck is there goo falling out of me about it? grow the fuck up and reabsorb that shit for nutrients.
GUYS READ ALL OF THIS PLEASE PLEASE PLā
some IMPORTANT UPDATES
stay tuned for the resolution
THIS IS WHAT I WAS TELLING EARLIER
A.FUCKI G.REAL LIFE LWJ. A fkn modern wangxian au this is crazy
PLEASE GO ON REDDIT AND CHECK THE UPDATES!!!!
THEREāS MOOOORE
This is a hell of a ride but this is the Queer romance of arranged Marraige actually turning romance and ahhh i love it so much
GOOD FOR THEM!
this is adorable but iām still just stuck onĀ āhe keeps crawling into my lap and cuddling and nuzzling me, but i canāt tell if he LIKES ME-likes me, please helpā
dude
get in loser weāre gonna try again despite it all
Everything I read about recovering from burnout is like āit takes months or even years to fully recoverā and itās like okayā¦. I have a weekend before I gotta clock in on Monday

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med people are so annoying "This family's 8 year old child who was about to go through a major surgery and kept crying that she was hungry so they pitied her and gave her food, she then had a heart attack in the surgery. They're so stupid š" girl they didn't know that could happen or why it happens. it takes so little time to explain to them that will happen instead of telling them "no food" with no explanation 10 times
"Before surgery, your bodyās reflexes that protect your airway are relaxed by anesthesia. If thereās food or liquid in your stomach, it will near certainly come back up and go into your lungs, which can cause choking, a severe lung / heart infection or even a heart attack. Thatās called aspiration, and it is life-threatening. It's hard, but it's only a single day to prevent near certain death. Not eating or drinking beforehand massively lowers the risk and helps prevent these life threatening situations under anesthesia." <- TIP: patients have brains which allows them to receive information just like you
I have four kids. Iāve had one or another of them need some kind of surgical procedure that requires anesthesia four or five times over the past 15 years.
This Tumblr post is the first time someone has explained to me *why* I couldnāt feed them before those instances.
Iām not stupid. I understood that just fine. Hell, my kids would have understood that just fine. But no one bothered to tell us.
i did know this before having kids (i have six). we have a kid that's needed multiple procedures requiring anesthesia. and every single time, i am asked multiple times if i'm sure he was not given any food or water after a certain point.
every single time i have had to say, "i understand that if he had food or water, he could aspirate it into his lungs under anesthesia. i am not lying to you." THEN someone would make a little note and i would stop being repeatedly asked.
not a single time was that risk explained to me. the only reason it came up was because i already knew. i still don't understand why it isn't standard pre-op counseling or pre-op check information, when me as a parent acknowledging the actual risk also put THE MEDICAL STAFF at ease because i conveyed that i had informed understanding as reason to not lie about giving my kid food.
"maybe some people will get nervous and refuse surgery" okay so they need more counseling about risks and anxiety, not less information in a way that actually does endanger their child or themselves!
Reblogging to save a life and teach medical professionals basic communication skills
As a trans woman I can confirm that they indeed found an ancient forest inside a 630ft deep sinkhole in China
cis people can reblog this but keep it on subject, please
Happy pride month everyone always remember that the sinkhole has an ecosystem large enough to house not only insects but likely several species of small birds or mammals