Ana @phoenixinfullcolor - Tumblr Blog

my body knows something that i don’t and i can’t get her to talk to me

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tessasilverswan

you'd think it'd be hard to lose the glasses you wear on your head but um. apparently not

homunculus-argument

I'm not a "will help, no questions asked" kind of friend. Because I will ask questions. I'm just not gonna question your answers. Like yeah if we're friends I can help you get rid of a body, no problem, but I still want to know who it was and what happened. Not because I don't trust that you'd kill someone who didn't need killing or would help someone you shouldn't be helping - we wouldn't be friends in the first place if I didn't know you well enough to trust your judgement. I'm just curious as hell and I want to know things.

thegoliathbeetle

every day i wake up and wonder what fuckin protein i will eat today. endless hassle.

Another update! I had a follicle study yesterday (a vaginal ultrasound where they looked at my follicles and measured the big ones). The good news is that the clomid seems to be working in that I'm actually developing a dominant follicle and it's probably three or four days away from being big enough for ovulation.

They also took a vial of blood to test my estrogen levels.

I have a follow up in a few days to see if I've actually ovulated and they'll take more blood to check my estrogen again. So, good news!

In other news, I think I might have pots too. Thankfully, it's pretty mild but I've never been good at standing and I feel like absolute garbage after that blood draw. I've kind of had it in the back of my mind for the past week ever since my husband said I should look into why I feel so gross when I stand and that popped up.

Earlier today, I did the active standing test (or poor man's tilt table test) where you take your heart rate lying down still for ten minutes and then at a few different points while standing. If it goes up over 30 bpm between lying down and standing, you likely have pots. Preferably you also do this while measuring blood pressure but I don't have that equipment so apple watch and bpm it was. Anyway it went from 70 to 118 immediately upon standing, to 95 at minute 2, 90 at minute 5, and then 105 at minute 10. So, likely pots.

Will I do anything with this info? Probably not yet, not until it's actually a problem in my daily life. I've never fainted and for the most part I'm fine if I'm moving. It's just the standing, like in a line or something, that really makes me feel gross. And blood draws. I will definitely keep up on my hydration and sodium, though. That's an easy way to help myself feel better.

#infertility #pcos #pmos #health update #let me know if you want me to tag anything else in the future!

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awesomebutunpractical

As one of eight kids, I don't think I can describe just how it comes across when you play the shocked-and-judgemental "she had HOW many kids??" card. There's this weird calculation to it that I don't think anyone intends, but reads emotionally as an intrinsic threat. Like, okay, hi I'm number five. Am I too many? Do you want me to Not Exist?

#I’m the oldest of seven and I totally get this #I hate when people freak out about that #like it’s only seven #and it’s not like we lived in squalor #so why shouldn’t my parents have a bunch of kids running around bringing joy to the world #do you want my youngest brother gone?#what about number six? number five?#should I not have my sister?#hurts even more now that I’m struggling with infertility too #like these people have the incredible blessing of a bunch of kids and you’re shitting on that?!

thememedaddy

anarchopuppy

I, a hearing person who likes subtitles just as a preference, shouldn't have to read a subtitle that's obvious nonsense, go back a couple seconds, and listen again in order to figure out what's going on. An accessibility feature should not be the most half-assed part of a professionally made production. Scripted media has absolutely no excuse for not having subtitles or having subtitles that aren't perfectly verbatim. Professional captioning services should be ashamed of the shoddy work that they put out. Captions should be treated as a part of the production, just like filming, editing, audio balancing, etc - and anything that releases with missing or bad captions should be seen as unfinished

estrogenesis-eeveeangelion

as humiliating as it is to repost myself from a light-mode-user's reddit screenshot, i cannot allow this year's zenquish to go uncelebrated.

celebrate my favorite holiday with me, my friends.

estrogenesis-eeveeangelion

if the emperors of rome can add extra months that actually fuck the calendar up i'm allowed to add a new month that lasts 0.0000 picoseconds

estrogenesis-eeveeangelion

the last holiday that hasn't been commercialized

estrogenesis-eeveeangelion

i made this up when i was a little kid and nothing would make me happier than to see people celebrating it for years to come

estrogenesis-vaporeongelion

zenquish approaches. prepare to rejoice! briefly!

warcrimesimulator

#it’s scary to me that it took infertility to realize that my hormones are so messed up #what if I’d never gotten married and wanted to have kids?#I’d probably have developed diabetes and not seen it coming #I’d be tired all the time #I’d be eating a relatively healthy diet and wondering why I can’t lose weight #or even gaining weight #I’ve lost about 10 pounds in the two months I’ve stopped eating as much sugar and as many simple carbs as I can #that’s the only change I’ve made #and it feels like I’m returning back to where my baseline was before my hormones went super haywire #but my pcos/pmos affects all of my life #not just my fertility

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killowave

supremeshogunrj

The longer it takes for this to come across your dash the funnier it is

libraryogre

Which will fade first? Memories of the Area 51 "raid", or memories of Internet Explorer?

str8aura-no-not-that-one

Oh my god....

#I think of the Area 51 raid every time I see someone Naruto run

imsobadatnicknames2

Does anyone else get pissed off when you wake up just as you were making significant progress in some bullshit task you had to do in a dream? Like great now I did all that shit for nothing

All I want to do right now is crochet

#im starting clomid today and im really nervous about it #plus I just signed up for a two day craft fair in September #between the two I have a lot of nervous energy and work is not the way to get rid of it #I should have brought a ball of yarn with me today

kosmogrl

we got august this week

your-did-it-official

Every Saturday is coelacanth Saturday

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My sister in law announced yesterday that she’s pregnant with her fourth child. I’m super excited and happy for them but at the same time I can’t help being a little sad too.

#infertility sucks

aw-tysm

"We're not supposed to be honest when people ask us how we are?"

Uhm.. Actually, you can be. There's a lot of people who are honest when answering that question. They just do it in ways that don't come across so upsetting or depressing.

Many people sugarcoat their answers to be more palatable for a greeting, or for a start of a conversation. It can also just be a polite way of giving others an out for a potential depressing conversation they may not want to be a part of.

These responses usually come in forms like, - "How are you?/How's it going?" - "Could be better." "It's definitely going." "I'm still alive." "I'm getting there." "New day, new problems." "Well, I'm still here." "Same old." "It's not all sunshine." "It's moving along". "It is what it is." "Not great but I'll survive." "Hoping tomorrow comes quickly." And many more responses like this. These are all ways of basically saying "Things are kinda/very shit at the moment for me". But they just don't go into detail about it. They are being honest, without the extra information.

If the other person doesn't want to go further into this then they may just responed with something like "I feel you", or "That's relatable", or "Yeh, that's life". Which are basically ways of saying "I acknowledge things aren't easy right now", without having to go into a conversation about it. Not everyone has the emotional energy to deal with conversations like that in that moment and that's okay.

Honesty doesn't need to come with the extra information. A lot of people won't give the extra information and that's the difference.

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