i lost the plot

I've seen quite a lot of discussion on the way Qifrey reacts to this hug, which is understandable, because it's devastating - he practically melts into a total stranger because he was "saved". He seems to be actually quite amenable and starved for gentle touch, it's the stupid tree that's the problem. But I haven't seen much discussion on Olly's face here. Dear god this poor kid looks almost manic. Look at him scrunch his face into Qifrey's shoulder. He’s okay! He’s okay because Qifrey’s okay! :(

Yet, when Qifrey yanks himself back out of the hug, neither of them are making anything close to these expressions.

All Olruggio sees is Qifrey's brief panic and then him throwing up walls again. All Qifrey sees is Olruggio's bright smile. And this colours the way they think of each other. Due to the repeated loss of his memories, Olruggio is under the impression that Qifrey will always pull away from him, that he is forever chasing his past. Olruggio has no context for why Qifrey does this, and he is forced to find roundabout ways to support him. Qifrey, meanwhile, thinks of Olruggio as the kindest person he knows - and yes, he is very kind! But Qifrey, too, is missing important context here as to Olruggio's safety-oriented and conscientious mindset. Qifrey is forever questioning Olruggio's steadfastness towards him and never getting a clear answer.

Slipping into slight theory time: due to the nature of Olruggio's backstory being shown thus far only through a vague nightmare sequence and not one, but two other character's backstories, it is my current belief that he never actually did talk about what happened in Noz to Qifrey, or anyone really, in any direct way. I find it hard to believe that Qifrey wouldn't at least know of the incident, but Olruggio's attitude, both as a child and adult, strikes me as someone who decided "well, it's in the past, so why bring it up?" mostly because he just really doesn't want to think about it, and would rather work on never "failing" people ever again. [In this way, it would be interesting if this was confirmed because Qifrey is insistent on laying his past to rest to allow himself to move forwards, whereas Olruggio is just like. Okay. I'm just gonna tuck that into a dark corner somewhere. I am a fine and normal witch.]

The thing is, it's not like either of them are entirely unaware of these hidden sides of each other. They're too close, too observant, and they care about each other too much not to. We know Olruggio watches Qifrey carefully, tries to help him in the ways that he can. He knows when something's up, he just doesn't know what he's allowed to do, or what he's allowed to ask. This is made clear as early as the snugstone introduction - he doesn't know why Qifrey isn't resting well, but he sure does notice that he isn't. Olruggio has become increasingly indirect as they age in his attempts to provide support.

But even young Qifrey, who had to relearn social interaction basically from the ground up, pauses and stares when Olruggio has these non-sequiturs like "it's really easy to die out there" or "there are lots of things that can kill you", etc. Now, Qifrey also had very little context on what's normal and what isn't, but all the same, he clearly noticed that some of the things his new friend said were a little odd. It's very likely that he just, again, didn't know what he should or shouldn't ask, and when he finally does try to ask why Olruggio is helping him, he never actually gets much in the way of elaboration (perhaps Olruggio believes it should be obvious? perhaps he sees nothing special about what he does for him - that it's just what he ought to do for a friend. perhaps there's more to it we've yet to understand ourselves as readers.). As an adult, Qifrey continues to question why Olruggio goes so far for him; downplays the net positive effect he's had on Olruggio's life because he's so wrapped up in his own guilt and perceived selfishness.

Neither of them would want to overstep after all. They just want to keep holding onto each other - but the nature of the curse necessitates secrets between them. It's because they're close, because they love each other, that they cannot see each other clearly.