"I have cats at home. Come over."

One way of black and white thinking I see a lot is when autistics try to sort things into specific boxes. Often an "us" vs "them" box. Especially with neurotypicals.

However, the things they end up putting in these boxes actually end up being things that even other autistics do. Meaning that in creating an "us vs them", other autistics are going to be pre-judged and their actions deemed "not autistic" because it doesn't align with the black and white beliefs an autistic person has already created about people.

Falling into this kind of thinking about others can then make mental health issues worse and create unrealistic expectations of others. Especially creating unrealistic expectations for how other autistic people should be behaving, and spreading misinformation about what autism is. It's hard to move past mental health issues when you believe everything is someone else's problem.

But the fact that there are many autistics who think things like this just goes to show how much our community is taking over and talking over other disability spaces.

I know that my disability is prone to developing more fatigue than the regular person. I know that some of my fatigue is due to autism.

But I'm not attributing it all to autism because I genuinely don't believe my life is supposed to be this exhausting.

So I've been pushing and pushing. Test after test. Some things have come up to explain some of the fatigue, so I get that fixed. Yet, I'm still so tired.

I try to fix my iron deficiency. I fix my b12 deficiency. I fix my vitamin D deficiency. I'm still tired. Nothing has improved.

I've done the whole exercise thing. I'm still tired.

But I learn that with trying to fix my iron levels that I'm not absorbing my iron tablets. I try things, and I learn where something isn't working properly and keep digging. I learn where things are working properly but there's still problems happening.

I feel like I'm finally starting to get on the right track. I've done some other tests, ruled things out, did more tests. Now it looks like I might have some issues with my liver. That can cause fatigue. Who knew? No one would have thought at my age that anything would be wrong with it. It's one of those things that nobody really looks at until it's all bad.

I've seen a specialist for another issue which can also cause fatigue. We're digging into that further now, too.

All in all, it's easy to blame the easy choice. It's easy to watch your health decline and blame it on the easy choice.

Health isn't always that simple. Sometimes there's usually a lot more happening.

It was actually a big "aha!" moment my mum had when I got diagnosed with autism. I'd been doing that my whole life, correcting people, especially my dad. I'd also call him out infront of all his friends and family.

None of it was intentional. I never actually realised I wasn't supposed to do this.

But my mum always loved it when I did, because she felt like I was sending just a little bit of justice towards my father. Apparently I was super entertaining for it and sometimes she would send me to go be around him knowing it would upset my dad. (She also had to keep us apart in many situations because of how much he couldn't handle me).

But I really don't understand why something is considered reasonable for autism and worth accommodating. But it's considered unreasonable for OCD and that person needs to work on it?

Is it purely on the basis of OCD being a mental illness and it having treatments to "cure" it which makes the requests unreasonable?

Hyperfixation = Short term intense interest.

Special Interest = Long term intense interest.

Hyperfixation isn't the "bad" verion of special interest. It doesn't mean it's more intense than a special interest. It doesn't mean it causes harm where a special interest "doesn't". It doesn't mean that only negative things happen with a hyperfixation and not a special interest.

Hyperfixation and Special Interest are also not interchangable terms.

My hyperfixation on greek gods when I was like 12, is not the same as my special interest in watching media.

Do I still like greek gods? Sure. But the interest was short lived. It only lasted like 6 months, if that.

My special interest in watching media? Years. Years and years and years. I still do it to this day.

Both are intense. Both you can hyperfocus or hyperfixate in them. Both are things that occupy your mind. Both are things that can control your life. Both can cause impairments/deficits in your daily life.

One is not inherently better than the other. One is not healthier than the other. One is not superior to the other. One is not more impacting than the other.

I know that my thoughts are reasonable. I know that my feelings are valid. I know that I'm not imagining things. I know that what I'm seeing is the truth.

But this one person is just twisting my entire reality and I have no idea how to handle that.

They make me second guess myself. They make me feel bad about myself. They make me feel like I've done something wrong. They make me feel like I can't trust myself.

I feel like I'm being punished for not bending to this person. I don't bend for anyone, though. I don't break for anyone. I don't know how to.

And I think that's probably the problem?

How do you fight off someone who makes you feel like your entire reality is wrong? How do you fight off someone who makes you feel like you're wrong?

I don't have the words to fight back. I don't have the ability to process what's happening in the situation as it arises. I don't have anyone there in the moment to advocate for me when I can't. I'm just alone and confused, and I have to just take it all on in the moment.