"I have cats at home. Come over."

I know that we love things being black and white, but that's just not how the world works.

There's so much nuance, so much grey. We can't possibly apply everything in such a black and white way.

A lot of us that are going through therapies are actively trying to get better with being in the grey. That's why we do the therapies we do.

When you understand that everyone understands things differently, learns things differently, then you go into conversations with more patience and acceptance when communication differences arise.

It also means that you can take a step back and try to understand where the disconnect is happening. You are able to ask questions to help find where the issues are. Then you are able to try and take it from a different approach.

If someone has learned something to have a different meaning than what you have, then it is not their fault if they misunderstand you. It's also not your fault that they misunderstood you as you also learned something to have a certain meaning.

I also think there's this weird idea that just because someone isn't diagnosed with any kind of communication difficulties then that must mean that they don't have any? But there are also many people that are underpriveleged/let down in their learning that don't have any kind of condition to explains their difficulties. They are just let down by the systems in place. Yet, we still hold the expectations that they should be able to communicate just as well, if not better, than us.

Please don't. This kind of advice can be potentially harmful to people.

Just because autism is ruled out, doesn't mean you should stop looking and decide you have it anyways.

So many things have overlapping looking symptoms. But so many things also have actual treatments.

Which means you can no longer learn what the actual definition/meaning of a term is, purely because people had been using it wrong for so long that everyone coming in then thinks that's actually what it means.

Good example - Please see Hyperfixation vs Special Interest.

And this is a really good example at why we shouldn't be gatekeeping terms because our community can't even use the ones we do have correctly either.

If we were diagnosing based on how we "feel" then a lot us would either not be diagnosed at all or we'd all be level 3.

I guess that I find it frustrating because your internalised experience vs your externalised experience isn't the same thing at all.

You being able to do something and internally feeling anxious or whatever about it, is still not the same as someone who can't do it at all or needs support to do it.

And I don't mean this in the typical sense that I see other autistic people talk about. About how we're "good at picking out bad people" or whatever bullshit that is.

But I mean in the sense that I know my autism can be difficult to be around. I know how I can sometimes come across to people.

So my second guessing isn't necessarily about not trusting myself, but it's about how I always need to give people the benefit of the doubt due to my disability.

My second guessing is about asking myself whether a person is treating me the way they are as a reaction to how my autism presents, in which they do not know me well enough to be able to understand what parts are my autism. They do not know at face value what my autism looks like enough to be able to react with understanding and consideration.

Or are they treating me the way they are because they are genuine assholes.

I always have to talk it out with someone who knows me and who doesn't have autism. They are the one's I trust to tell me whether it was something I did (out of my control), or whether my vibes are right and that they are just an asshole.

And please don't come at me with any kind of response of "oh it doesn't matter, they're assholes regardless" or anything of the sort.

I know how my autism affects people. The difference between people who know me and people who don't, is that the people who know me know to give me grace, patience, understanding and consideration. They know not to make immediate judgements, they know to ask me to clarify, or they just understand how my brain works.

It also tells me that you don't want to be associated with those with disorders as you think there's something wrong with them. It tells me that you're okay with othering them as long as no one is assuming there's "something wrong with you".

"Condition" is an umbrella term. At the end of the day, autism still falls under being a developmental disorder. Diseases, illnesses, disorders, syndromes, all fall under "condition".

It can definitely be comorbid, but it's not the same thing. They're separate things that we can experience together.

I'm constantly seeing so many autistics saying things that are very clearly anxiety or trauma things but claiming them to be autism things instead.

People spread around that autism can't be cured, which is true. But trauma and anxiety can be effectively treated.

I often see people say "If they didn't want to know, then why ask?"

And honestly? They didn't ask. They didn't say "Can you please tell me how you are and then explain to me why you feel the way that you do?"

They only asked "How are you?" or "How's it going?". That's it. There's no request in there to further explain why any of that is happening.

"How's it going?" is no different to "How's the project going?". It's going "good" or "bad" or "okay". Any extra information you put in, was never requested in that question. (I do agree that "it" can be vague, but you're always welcome to ask people what they mean when they ask.)

Adding in extra information is an assumption that that's what the other person wanted when asking. Do some people want it? Sure. Does everyone want it? No.

If they want to know more then they can and will ask. That's what follow up questions are for. "How are you?" - "Oh, not well." - "Sorry to hear that. What's been happening?" - " ~gives extra information here~" .

Follow up questions are basically creating a conversational map. It's giving people choices to where they want a conversation to head.

We talk about how people try to force autistics to suppress themselves.

But I don't think we talk enough about how society in many places tends to expect this from all adults.

I don't think many people even realise how many adults don't know how to emotionally regulate, don't know how to effectively communicate, don't know how to express their needs, and more.

What's even worse is when you realise that this always starts in childhood. From childhood, all these people are taught to be a specific way. They're taught this idea of "maturity" and "adulthood", and if you don't fit that idea then you're essentially othered.

It is quite obvious to see this being done in those with disabilities, but for the rest of society? It's a quiet process. Everyone looks past it because everyone is given this idea that that's what people are supposed to grow into.

Some parts of it do get touched on when we look at gender stereotyping, but it doesn't get spoken about enough.