Phenomenal Asterisk

Have you guys seen that clip

Game Geralt and Dandelion? 100% platonic but its so much worse.

They have gotten married because they were both drunk, Dandelion just got dumped and Geralt was consoling him. He promised he'd marry Dandelion if he was a girl. So they drunkenly went and got married to prove it. They didnt get it annulled bc if something happened to Geralt, theyd contact Dandelion.

Yennefer: so they won't contact me?

Geralt: I'm pretty sure you have me microchipped anyway

They're the friends who give each other handjobs bc one of them broke his arm. "What did you want me to do Yen, he broke his ARM" This has happened to both of them multiple times.

Dandelion definitely asked Geralt to check his penis bc some girl commented on it. He needed his besties opinion.

Priscilla and Yennefer just accepted their boyfriends were like that. They know its 100% platonic and some weird form of bonding they both require to thrive

Zoltan: no that's not normal male bonding, Dandelion

their (live!) young gestate for. wait for it. eight to eighteen (??) YEARS. can have up to 10 at a time. good grief.

longest lifespan of any vertebrate, up to five hundred years

toxic flesh

has giant eyes but is usually blind because of a weird little crustacean that's evolved to live on and eat their eyes. this doesn't seem to bother them much.

lives in deep cold water and has the lowest swim speed and tail-beat frequency for its size across all fish species. just generally lives life in extreme slow motion

largest genome of any shark

eats everything including moose and polar bears

I love you Safety Wizard.