Hot Chastity Blog

I saw this commentary by "jillags" (who has a wonderful Tumblr page) in a post in which the photo got censored and deleted by Tumblr, and I didn't want for her words to fade away. She said:

"I was drinking coffee with my best friend the other day, she is the only one in this world, that roughly knows of the D/s lifestyle That I lead with my husband.

She asked me two questions that caught me off guard for a minute.

The first was, if I don’t feel guilty or awkward at times, dominating my husband? and the second was, how a soft and gentle woman as she regarded me to be, can tease and withhold orgasms from her husband and how I can bring myself to inflict pain and/or punish him, even if they were funishments rather than punishments?

Well, to that I responded, that the short answer is, that one should take a step back and think about the fact that it was him that was asking me to do that. It is his arousal factor and safe space and not doing it will deny him his arousal and self content.

The more elaborate answer is,

1. I love my husband and I want him to be happy and content. I probably wouldn’t come across this lifestyle if it wasn’t for hubby, but once I did I learned and still learning the benefits it bestow upon us both.

That dynamics feed us both, hubby is aroused and in turn he is attentive to my needs, eager to please and pleasure me.

My benefits are beyond anything I ever expected, with the huge benefit, that controlling hubby’s cock and orgasms are apparently a great motivator to whatever I desire (time is always on my side)….., while I always remember and repeatedly write and remind here in my blog, that I have my responsibilities as well.

- Hubby made a huge sacrifice, entrusting me with his cock, especially now when he no longer have access to it…..

Therefore, it is my responsibility to tease and edge him and to fully understand the difference between denial and neglect/ignore/abandonment. ( tease and denial has to do with constant arousal and positive frustration, the later has to do with resentment and distrust).

- Always follow through on your demands, threats and your promises, it deepens your dominance and control.

- Show him respect and appreciation, he will be putty in your hand.

2. One important thing I’ve learnt is, give hubby what he wants, but not necessarily in the way he wants or expect it. And for sure, never let him top from the bottom, that should be punishable. He wants me to lead dominate and control? He doesn’t get to tell me how (he may bring up ideas, when I let him, but I get to decide).

3. In the beginning of my quest in this lifestyle,

I felt that teasing is a task, it took me time to understand I was doing it wrong.

Remember, hubby’s mind is his main and largest sex organ(not to insult my cock). You are missing the point if you think that teasing is all about his cock.

Fuck with his mind, it will both deepen his love for you and your dominance and control upon him.

- You can flash for him, when he least expect it.

- whisper something naughty in his ear.

- tell him in the morning, or while at work, of something you will do to him in the evening, believe me, it will be on his mind throughout the day, he will be fully aroused by the time he gets home.

But, don’t you dare to forget whatever you promised, follow through, remember?

It doesn’t mean, that you necessarily have to do what you promised (remember, give hubby what he wants, but not necessarily in the way he wants or expect it). Improvise, use something he did to postpone your promise (Oh honey,I so wanted to let you cum today, but did you_____what I asked you to? - fill in the blanks - you will do it tomorrow, and we’ll see….), Remember, follow through!!

4. Last (for now) but not least, the hardest of all

( At least for me and at least at the beginning), are to bare consequences, funishments/punishments.

I know, it seems awkward, (“but I love him”, “what am I, his mother/teacher” “what gives me the right?”) But you’ll see, it will boost your confidence, it will make your dominance real and above all, he expects it, he wants it, he even craves it.

Because if he has done wrong he knows it, it burdens him, he feels he disappointed you and he wants to fix it.

More often than not, he doesn’t know how, this way you give him a way out, he craves for you to tell him he’s a good boy.

Sit with him, communicate, set some agreed consequences and carry on from there.

5. (Ooops, almost last), And in my eyes, the most important thing, communication! Talk, hear him, let him know what you think, what you struggle with.

Believe me, he doesn’t have a clue, he is afraid he might offend you or that you might undervalue or criticise his preferences.