Filthy Phantom Ellie

Golden Age of Piracy Series:

These are stand-alone fics that take place in the OFMD canon universe.

Temet Nosce (#ellie tn): Summary: A Stede Bonnet character study/reunion fic that explores the frequent references in the show to Stede being someone less than human. Stream of consciousness writing with a surrealist bent. 7 chapters, 14k words, complete. Content Warnings: The same kind/level of language and violence as seen on the show, no more or less.

The Man who has Never Felt Anything (#ellie mwnfa): Summary: Stream of consciousness Stede POV of being stabbed in episode 3 and episode 4. Created for #Whumptober2022 and #ofmdskeletoncrew. 4 chapters, 2.5k words. Content Warnings: The same kind/level of language and violence as seen on the show, no more or less.

The Man who Forgot (#ellie mwf): Summary: Ed POV Stream of Consciousness about forgetting to get Stede down from the mast, and the aftermath. A close to a portrayal about thinking with ADHD as I can get. Content Warnings: The same kind/level of language and violence as seen on the show, no more or less.

The Full Experience: Summary: Based on a post by @snake-snack-stede,​ Black Pete learns what Blackbeard did to Lucius and does not react as expected. Content Warnings: The same kind/level of language and violence as seen on the show, no more or less.

To Wit: Macarena!: Summary: Crack one-shot. Ed teaches Stede the Macarena. Things go exactly as planned. 1.6k words. Content Warnings: The same kind/level of language and violence as seen on the show, no more or less.

Modern AU Series:

These are my stand-alone fics that take place in a Modern AU.

Apologetics: Summary: Based on the pina coladas SMAU by @faeeebaeee. Takes place in 1987 after Stede chose Mary. Stede POV. 1k words. Content Warnings: None

The Art of (Smashing) Crockery (#ellie aosc): Summary: Modern AU where Ed owns a rage room and Stede has a lot to rage about. 30 chapters, 58k words, complete. Content Warnings: Homophobia/Bullying/Slurs (from Badmintons/Stede's father), Depression, Suicidal Ideation, Alcohol Abuse, Hospitalisation, Mental Illness

Slowvember 2022: Black Pandather: WaPandas Forever: Pandas (The Art of Smashing Crockery) Voicemail Fail: Lazy River (Doubt Thou the Stars) Stede's Friends Make Better Floral Choices Challenge: Flowers (a little louder) Room People: Lazy Sunday (The Vacation) Pick your Own Fruit (As long as it's Stede): Pick Your Own Fruit (Mismatched) the tastiest of nuts: Farmer’s Market (The Camera Loves You, Baby) If the Kraken aint happy, aint Nobody’s Happy - Beach Day (The Legend of Blackbeard) Emergency Contact: Sickfic/Nursing a Boo-Boo (like ghosts to trouble heaven)

Let Me Solo Him!

An adaptation of the Scott Pilgrim comics. Stede returns to the Revenge and discovers that he must defeat each of Ed's pirate ex-boyfriends in order to be with him forever. 6 parts.

Full Series List Volume 1: Stede Bonnet's Precious Little Life Volume 2: Stede Bonnet vs the World Volume 3: Stede Bonnet & the Infinite Sadness Volume 4: Stede Bonnet Gets it Together Volume 5: Stede Bonnet vs the Universe Volume 6: Stede Bonnet's Finest Hour Tag: ellie lmsh

Our Flag Means Stupid Bad Sex:

This series of ficlets take kinks from prompt lists and makes them as unsexy/stupid as possible.

Our Flag Means Stupid Bad Sex - Thread with list of all chapters, kinks, and pairings. Tag: #ellie stupid bad sex

OFMD Poetry:

I like to experiment with poetry. Here are all of my poems:

This post covers general information on this fic as well as chapters 1 & 2. I will reblog it with further posts covering the different chapters.

What you need to know is that this is a Victorian AU based on the novels of Jules Verne, H. G. Wells, and other similar authors of that era. The author of this novel is Jonathan “Calcut Jack” Rackham, and is told entirely from his perspective. He is a highly unreliable narrator due to his tendency to focus on his own selfish needs and desires rather than to truly pay attention to what is going on around him. However, I hope that I succeeded in making him a bit nuanced and interesting throughout this work.

I would like to give the biggest thank you and credit to TheQueenHasNoLife (on Twitter), who is the artist for this RBB as well as the one who came up with the, frankly, brilliant prompt idea for this fic. Every single idea and suggestion they had made this work twice as interesting and complex as it had been before. I have always admired them since I first stumbled across their own fanfiction last October, and am beyond honored to have helped to bring their vision to light here. I hope there will be future collaborations in store for us!

I would also like to credit the following users: @Ghost_Deb_ on Twitter and DeathStranded who were my beta readers for this fic and gave incredible feedback and insight on how it read, @Tiny_Book_Worm on Twitter who was kind enough to answer my questions on the transmasc experience while writing for Izzy, as well as Mod Jay (mortenavida) who answered endless stupid questions from me throughout this process and helped to determined Jack’s fate in the final chapter with their deep knowledge of Floridian lore.

Despite strenuous efforts I was unable to obtain a beta or a sensitivity reader for the sections of the fic that deal with Maori language and culture, for which I apologize. If I have gotten anything wrong on this subject, feel free to DM me on Twitter or Tumblr, and I will make the changes necessary. I am open to criticism and safe to DM on this matter.

Last note on the art in this fic: In addition to the absolutely stunning and detailed art by TheQueenHasNoLife, I have peppered this work with several authentic drawings/documents from the 1800s. I have credited my source for each under the image.

On the Narrator/"Calicut Jack":

This fic is told in the form of an adventure novel written in the style of Jules Verne and H. G. Wells. Only this time, its author is Jonathan "Calicut Jack" Rackham. This is the bit that interested me the most about this prompt. If you've read these kinds of novels before from this time period, you've probably noticed that the narrators are all assholes. They are sexist, racist, and disgusted by everyone who isn't 100% exactly like they are (and also enamored/obsessed with/totally gay for men who are 100% exactly like they are). I wanted to write this novel from Jack's perspective in the most loquacious, verbose manner humanly possible to give him the illusion of respectability while showing through his actions that he's actually a total trash bag. He's an incredibly unreliable narrator. There are massive plotlines and character arcs going on throughout this story that he barely touches on or mentions because he doesn't notice them. He is completely self-absorbed and has absolutely no capacity for emotional depth. That being said, that doesn't mean I intend for him to be 100% villainous and evil. He's pathetic and sad, while not quite sympathetic. What you need to know about Jack is he fears change more than anything. He is still the same drunken fratboy he was 15-20 years ago, he hasn't changed at all, and he's terrified that his friends and the people he knows will grow up and move on without him. He doesn't understand that this is his fear because he has no self-awareness. The fear is just there. And he will jump through whatever mental hoops he has to to convince himself that everyone would be happier if they were like him: stagnant and unmoving.

Story Setting/Background:

This fic is set in 1872 in an alternate Victorian universe which is not exactly the same as the one we know of and are familiar with. Homophobia and transphobia are at this time seen as terribly gauche and passé, and people are more or less allowed to love who they want and be who they are without facing societal backlash or institutional discrimination. In addition, while unfortunately colonialism and imperialism still exist, in this universe they are much less of a thing, and public approval for either has been waning for some time at the start of the story. Because I am a loser, I attempted to create a loose historical justification for these changes. It all started during the reign of Louis XIV. This super gay dude (actual footage, 100% real) (don't watch the rest of that musical it is heinously bad) was the brother of the king. His name was Philippe. He would be very open about his relationships with men, and would also dress as a woman whenever the opportunity presented him (so it's possible he wasn't a dude at all). Surprisingly, most people at the time accepted it and were totally on board, because a gay man wasn't seen as a threat to his brother's throne. They encouraged the fuck out of that shit. In this particular alternate universe, Philippe's sexuality and gender expression became en vogue among the French noblesse during Louis XIV's reign. Cavorting with members of your own sex was suddenly seen as desirable and fashionable, regardless of whether there was actually any attraction there. Louis XIV encouraged this trend, for it allowed him to more easily control and steer French nobility (especially when they were bearing fewer children and were caught up in all sorts of dalliances with one another). This was, after all, the main objective of the grandiose lifestyle which he promoted: to keep the nobles poor and distracted so he could rule as he wished. Eventually, the acceptance of same-sex partnerships grew and spread through the courts of many European countries which sought to mimic France's, and this acceptance eventually permeated the general culture shared by everyone. Though acceptance of same-sex relationships (as well as transgender people) was not immediate and took several generations to really take hold in these societies, by the mid to late 1800s the general trend was to be accepting of same-sex relationships. Being homophobic and transphobic is seen as really fucking gauche. Therefore, in this universe there is little to no discrimination of anyone based on their sexuality or gender. It's just plain allowed. This open-mindedness lead to other kinds of acceptance as well. Judeo-Christian religion had a much weaker stranglehold on the populace and the ruling classes of these countries. The weakening of religious dogma made it more palatable for humans to seek out positive cultural exchange with others rather than antagonizing them with forced conversion attempts or flooding indigenous lands with missionaries. While nations did engage in attempts in empire-building (Britain most of all), there was less public will for it due to the populace not really minding if the indigenous people from these areas were "heathens," and it was easier for them to be viewed as people. As for the money to be made from colonization, well, acceptance of gay people may have "trickled down" from the nobility, but the money they were making overseas sure wasn't. This world is in no way intended to be read as utopian, because it just isn't. It still sucks. It just sucks a little less. I wanted to be able to write a world in the 1800s where Edward Teach could become a famous and respected man of science, and where men loving men wasn't a scandal or disgusting or unacceptable. The effects of colonialism have still made their mark in this world which will show throughout the story... it's just that in this universe, people like Ed have more power to actually do something about it.

Chapter 1 Notes:

I wrote this chapter with "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" open in another tab in order to mimic the beginning of both stories and let me tell you, this chapter has NOTHING on that wordy overdescriptive mess. I toned down the descriptions and asides a bit later on in the fic.

Nigel’s ship is called the Disraeli because Benjamin Disraeli was an imperialist asshole and you know they’d be all over that.

Source for Jack’s Cloak Tent and other Stupid Victorian Inventions

Tawhiri a Utu - This means (roughly) “Tawhiri’s Revenge,” although the word ‘Utu’ is more similar to balance/making whole than revenge. Tawhiri is a Maori wind deity.

Edward’s nickname “Man-eater” was given to him by Jack, who was impressed by his skills with his tongue when it comes to, well, eating out men. Like the show version’s nickname of “Blackie,” this nickname is intended to be a rather uncomfortable one due to the racist views Western colonizers have had towards the practices of Indigenous cultures (despite the fact that white Europeans themselves engaged in cannibalism through the early 20th century, believing that certain human body parts could cure diseases, though they would never admit to cannibalism because their ‘medicine’ came in neatly-labeled bottles). Jack, however, lacks the emotional intelligence to determine if Edward is happy with this nickname. Perhaps he will find out.

I spent way too much time researching stupid crap like available ports in 1872 and authentic sailing routes/passenger ships. Like, 2 or 3 whole days just for that, and honestly it was so useless and a waste of time.

I can't allow any more children to be in this fic because I used up every single Victorian-era word for them in this one.

The language Ed speaks with the kid at the end of the chapter is not intended to be Maori, but Rarotongan (because that is the island where they landed). I used the internet's lone Rarotongan dictionary and my decade-old linguistics degree for this and future sections. As far as I can tell there are no Rarotongan betas in existence, sorry about that!

Chapter 2 Notes:

Aquatic Tripod Image Source

I wanted to draw a diagram of the system that holds the Oceanid captive, but I'm not that talented. I tried to think of as many plot holes with it as possible, but my betas thought of a couple I didn't, such as how the weight of hauling an Oceanid in and out of the ocean would probably cause the ship to tilt or even capsize. Whoops! Honestly, it's a really stupid contraption, but Nigel Badminton designed it, what do you want? He's an idiot.

I didn't include a translation for the language spoken between Ed and the Oceanid (which was again Rarotongan) because Jack doesn't know what the words mean and isn't going to bother to find out. However, I've provided them here (again, I did my very best to construct these phrases in a language I don't speak, I hope I got it right). I did not use a translating service for any of these, just studied the crap out of grammar and different examples of sentences and tried to figure it out.

Edward: Ae! Ae… ‘oa… (Hey! Hey… friend…)

Edward: É ’akamoe’au, é taku ‘oa… ‘akamoe’au… (Be at peace, my friend, be at peace)

Edward: Mãrie… meitaki… (Slowly… safe…)

Mystery Oceanid: E tauturu… (Help…)