many days fell away

Diane, clear my schedule. I’m attempting a recipe that says “prep time: 15 minutes.”

"You snooze you lose" anti nap propaganda, changing it to "you snooze yaaaaayyyyyy yippeeeee"

i hate it when the ball is in my court get that shit out of here

always get a large sized drink. you don’t know what life has in store

do you even like your blorbo if you don’t like them pathetic and half dead

giggled at something and my coworker comes out of the break room and goes "I just heard like, a haunted child laugh... so weird." and I'm like okay so it was a normal regular alive adult laugh actually

"next time, log in faster with fingerprint/face/iris recognition!" how about i keep typing my password like i have for the past 25 years and you fuck off

Sometimes my little cat will approach me all "what if there was a little cat now" and it's always an excellent idea I love when there's a little cat

crazy how much i could get done if i didn't have "doesn't want to do things" disorder

music was made to be listened to at night in a moving vehicle

fool me once that’s not very nice why would you do that to me