ooooo you wanna block me so bad @clayforge - Tumblr Blog

this is a blog about my eating disorder. i am having a bad time and coping with it even worse.

in my 20s, minors block me or be blocked.

i don't encourage anything, i don't give "tips," i only ever complain about how much i hate having an eating disorder and how badly it continues to ruin my life. if for some odd reason that makes you want to stop eating too then i really think you should leave this place and seek help. the block button literally loves it when you press her <3

interaction comes from @digital-earth-archives

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okay no more average no more squish no more thighs touching we lock in TODAY i need all my bones back and i need them asap >:(

#i miss my chest bones especially like nobody's business #and the way you used to be able to see my collar bones protruding from my shoulders #i am choosing violence! violence against my own body! i will fix all of this!!!#looking in the mirror feels bad bad bad lately

just occurred to me, as i have a strong desire to purge at this very moment, that my angel fangs now prevent me from doing that. like at all. and that's fine. i'm so fine with that. that's. yeah. that's fine

#i will not harm myself i am not carrying a weapon i am literally fine with this ._.

love being small while driving an oversized cargo van for work but right now i'm just so average sized. very normal. it's harshing my vibes a bit :|

#i miss being small enough for people to comment on it now i'm just “”healthy“”#i need to lock the fuck in ☹️

0hwyatt

Sexy skinny is never my goal. I need to be horrible creature thin.

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park is empty so in what might just be a new low i think i am going to purge in a trashcan

#just don't mind the gremlin hunched over the trashcan barely covered from the pouring rain by an old gazebo

clayforge

gonna eat about it cause of course i am lol. omw to zaxbys for a chicken sandwich and strawberry lemonade.

clayforge

i'm straight up not even enjoying this ._.

#the texture of the chicken is like plastic in my mouth #i want to throw it up so bad but i'm sitting in a public park #“but clay can't you just not finish it?” well you see the thing about that is‚

gonna eat about it cause of course i am lol. omw to zaxbys for a chicken sandwich and strawberry lemonade.

#unmake me!!!

i hate being perceived in the grocery store it should be illegal to witness me grocery shopping

was eating pasta and enjoying it and a few bites in i suddenly became hyper-aware of the sound of my own chewing and the feeling of the food in my mouth and stomach and now i'm really grossed out by the thought of eating more but i want. my pasta :(

#i can finish my food and hate myself the whole time or i can stop now and hate myself the whole time #the illusion of free choice

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binged didn't purge they're gonna have me killed for this

#i feel so full i crave a swift and merciful end

always kind of fascinating to me when i see people say "once i live by myself i'll be able to restrict all the time and lose so much weight" because like. if i'm being really honest with myself. the only factor in the way of me and eating an entire tin of mini muffins right now is the fact that i do not live by myself and everything in the kitchen is meant to be shared, and even aside from that the fact that someone else could see and perceive exactly how much i've eaten of certain foods at any given time. and there have been many such cases as this. all my worst binge impulses are inherently more likely to come to fruition when i'm on my own

maintained >:( i mean i guess it's better than gaining but >:/

#suicide postponed i GUESS

freshmanyearhaterx

#and solid foods >:|

if i gain tomorrow as punishment for my hubris i will never eat again and that is because i will be dead and in the ground

#hubris being sushi :(#i ate too much for someone just coming off a fast #AND i had a full sugar drink. why did i do that. why did i do that ._.

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having acid reflux i think. stomach feels tight and weird and awful from what i figure is trapped gas. this is what i get man 🫩

#maybe i can just survive off liquids forever ._.

breaking my liquid fast with discount grocery store sushi tonight yay

#it's $5 on wednesdays ^_^#and sushi is a very very safe food to me <3

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ooooo you wanna block me so bad