Authorized Homomachina Only

the problem with writing fantasy is that i have to constantly stop myself from having people say "jesus fucking christ." jesus didn't exist here dammit. i need a fake swear that means the same thing i think

gonna be honest i don’t know how many more ‘enter the 6 digit code we sent to your phone’s i got left in me

Bastille was right. How am I gonna be an optimist about this. Also right about eh eho eho.

Please never forget that ēheu, what the background chorus is repeating in Pompeii, just means ‘alas’ or ‘oh no’ or perhaps ‘shucks’ in Latin, which is of course the correct response to realizing you’re right next to where a volcano is exploding.

sometimes your distress does indicate you should stop and respect your limitations. at other times it's more of a baby aquatic mammal being introduced to water for the first time thing. Too bad the difference is so hard to tell.

Pulitzer Prize type shit

Why's this dude built like crash bandicoot

Everything about this damn post is so funny to me. The lighting of the arm from the flash. The posing of the arm like a dramatic death from a novella. The fact the photo somehow got taken still and looks this good. The subreddit name. The fact this guy really is built like crash bandicoot

i dont know what love island is but from what ive heard its like danganronpa for people that use snapchat

mutuals if you were a video game character I would do every step of your questline and get your good ending

What would you do with non mutuals? Cause speedrunners are always killing me for my crystal scythe before doing my quest

Well now that I know you have a crystal scythe I'm definitely killing you for your crystal scythe