indie.ninja

“why don’t they teleport back” because they’re not on the planet where everyone can teleport anymore. try to keep up dumbass

im working the "girls bringing their boyfriends" checkpoint at the pride parade, sending most of the boyfriends to an overpriced bar with optimised number of leaning-with-a-beer points like youd send kids at a wedding to their table and letting the girlfriends in with a special ticket to an adjoining room with glass that lets them look at the boyfriends distinctly not talking to one another the rest of the boyfriends i press a little button under my desk and some tgirls in dark trenchcoats come and bundle them away, waving the girlfriend into the lesbian section, and with various mechanical grinding and whirring noises the new girls pop out of the room with an estrogen vial, a new outfit and a black lipstick stain on their cheek im clearly bored out of my mind sat at this desk, but im vital because ive got a 100% accuracy rate and i get paid in vodka to keep my interest in the world alive

i also get paid in all the first panty shot polaroids they take before they shove the new girls out but dont tell anyone cuz if the chasers union finds out ill never hear the end of it, and i already dont hear the end of them cuz i refuse to tell them how big it is, i tell them its a data protection thing and they never listen

the chasers union keeps asking for a float at pride but we have to keep rejecting it cuz they refuse to not have a banner that says "haha youre so cute have you had bottom surgery" and thatd fuck up our obligations to the forcefem union, who i am not taking bribes from stop asking

mr evrart is helping me find my dick

Worst journey in the world my ass mr. Cherry you clearly havent experienced a short walk to the store in a 40°C heatwave in europe

turns out i am gay

holy shit how’d this alpaca learn how to type

Diversity win! The alpaca is gay!

he was a llama

a llama?! he’s supposed to be dead!

I think going too deep into anything should warrant a balrog. You scroll too far down on your phone when you should've gotten up an hour ago, you've spent all afternoon sleuthing to figure out why your mom's former neighbour whom you haven't seen since you were 15 and don't give a fuck about got a divorce, you've been ruminating the same situation over and over and over, and a big fuckass beast thing shows up to stop you because you have delved too deep and now you have to fight the balrog.

Seeing a post like "contains filtered tags: #nsfw" and clicking through and seeing something ostensibly nonsexual and trying to figure out what kind of fetish material it is

Some of you are making me consider the latent eroticism of things I never would have thought about in my life unprompted and honestly? Work

I think the biggest effect Sense8 had on my life is me saying "I see you, villain" whenever I am dealing with anything that mildly inconveniences me