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narrator: but he was very much in danger

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1five1two

decadent-hag

stupidpetface

latedawnsandearlysunsets

thelovingend-deactivated2025073

No one tells you that one day you will get older and look around and notice that 95% of ppl who own a dog should not own a dog

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makingtrouble

It's my cat's birthday (anniversary of me getting him) so I told him the story of his life while petting him real good

Highlights include:

For your first two years (when you were small) you lived in a foster home with people who raised you into a very polite young man. Two is like you plus me, that's what two is.

Some people adopted you before me and they called you Timmy (which is a stupid name) and they returned your ass almost immediately because you were so annoying at that age.

Like think about how annoying you are right now at seven years old, but way worse.

I'm better than them though, I don't call you Timmy and I wore earplugs to bed for three years because you love to scream at bedtime. Earplugs are like when I roll over and go back to sleep even when you are yelling so so so loud.

I got you at a time in my life when I was really sick (being sick is like when I'm up late because I'm throwing up and you are a very handsome good boy who sits with me) and they had to put me asleep for a procedure. A procedure is like what happened to you when they put you asleep and took your balls away.

Now you've lived with me for five years. Five is like the number of toe beans on one of your feet. When I clip your nails five is when we're halfway done. But we're hopefully not even halfway done with how long we get to be together. I'm gonna have to figure out new ways to help you count.

makingtrouble

Actually I've decided this is a poem

ecrivainsolitaire

Does your cat think they took your balls away

makingtrouble

He doesn't think much at all <3

teathattast

maja-paja

random-brushstrokes

Paul Hey (German, 1867 - 1952) - Moonlit night

tomb-mold

you literally have shitty hide armor and a dull ass shortsword. let me guess. your loot is 6 gold coins too? 🙄

vodka-and-fedoras

friendly fucking reminder do NOT post about your lootdrops publicly!!! this post is a great example of "table baiting" to get you to reveal what valuables you drop on death WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY PUTTING YOU AT RISK OF FARMING!!! think for a second and be safe out there!!

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innerchildabortionclinic

interesting kink assortment on the dash

ferricsailor

no you dont masaru

tvandfilm

BIG EDEN (2000) dir. thomas bezucha

camo375

Whatever

hetaari-deactivated20230325

Mama Mia it’s-a Wednesday

hetaari-deactivated20230325

WRONG FUCKING IMAGE

its-your-mind

HAPPY MAMA MIA ITS-A WEDNESDAY WRONG FUCKING IMAGE WEDNESDAY

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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cheerfullycatholic

When medicine is holding the migraine back but you can still kinda feel it in the distance waiting to return

draconym

Getting dumped really puts children's cartoon villains into perspective. Like dude you're SO right, love and caring ARE disgusting and we SHOULD cast a spell to drain all human emotion into your amulet.

draconym

Friend breakups are how you get lines like "Your friends? You think your friends are coming to save you? Don't make me laugh."

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