if I cannot find the good in life, I will make it

I'm not responding gently to my terrible grandmother's passive aggressive bids for attention because it's kind and she deserves it. I'm doing it because responding gently to her passive aggressive bids for attention is the more effective method of getting the outcome I want in my interactions with her in the future. 🤷 I know sometimes I make this sound like supervillain shit, but like honest to god. we HAVE to admit that sometimes the emotional impulse IS TO PUNISH, bc punishment feels good. it feels good to pretend I have no idea what she means and watch her dig herself into a deeper and deeper hole getting more and more frustrated trying to escalate her passive aggression until she gets a reaction! but it's not effective at accomplishing anything. I don't want to have visits with her wherein I spend hours pretending I am unable to pick up on her increasingly angry bullshit. that's the nightmare scenario. if I can cut it off and redirect her by politely inquiring clarification about what she is trying to say to me, I vastly prefer the outcome of that option. it has the additional benefit of her interpreting it as a kindness that I am showing her. this makes her feel positively towards me and decreases chances of antagonist behavior at future visits.

process, notes, and more pics under the read more🌱

No parts of it extended beyond the lines, and the paper ticket was clearly displayed, impaled on a horn.

The art of mindless embroidery.

The art of mindless embroidery.

welcome everyone! a little while ago I reblogged a post about reading queer litfic and expressed that I think the people yearn for well-written, non-genre romantic queer books, so I wanted to share some of my favorites here! to clarify, these are books I would say are romantic but are not traditional capital-R "Romances" as in they won't follow classic rom-com structure, there is little-to-no smut, and they may not have traditional happy endings (although some of them definitely do).

I've tried to explain a little about them and give insight into why they're on my rec list. hopefully someone discovers their new favorite book here :)

gay as in happy

Less, Andrew Sean Greer (p. 2017, 263 pages): this book won the pulitzer. the writing is gorgeous. it's wonderful. it's a love story. read it now

Tipping the Velvet, Sarah Waters (p. 1998, 481 pages): how can I get everyone in the world talking about sarah waters. PLEASE. READ THIS LESBIAN BOOK PLEASEEE. also if you like this one you should also read fingersmith also by sarah waters which inspired the handmaiden dir. park chan-wook one of the most important lesbian movies OAT

The Vanishing Half, Brit Bennett (p. 2020, 343 pages): the queer storyline isn't the main one in this book, but it's really beautiful and moved me a lot. the main plot of the book is about Black twin sisters and one of them can pass for white and how they navigate that from the 50s to the 90s. excellent book

The Dove in the Belly, Jim Grimsley (p. 2022, 336 pages): we should all be talking about grimsley more. this book is incredible and he also has one from 1993 called comfort and joy that made my heart explode with love

Whiskey When We're Dry, John Larison (p. 2018, 400 pages): a western! gender gender gender and then it gets gay

Detransition, Baby, Torrey Peters (p. 221, 337 pages): complex maybe to put it in the happy category because it's definitely hard to read sometimes, but it's NOT a tragedy. definitely read a little bit about it and see what you're up for but god. it's so good

A Language of Limbs, Dylin Hardcastle (p. 2025, 300 pages): one of my favorite books from last year, swerved on me harder than I've ever been swerved on, I cried real tears but the ending is so, so beautiful

Almost Like Being in Love, Steve Kluger (p. 2004, 354 pages): the reason I made this rec list. definitely the most traditional romance I've posted here but it's completely epistolary so very unlike a lot of other books of its ilk. it's about sports. it's about musical theatre. it's about best friends. it's about falling in love with multiple people in your life. it's about being gay and insane. I love it so, so, so much. I want to mail a copy to every person I've ever known

gay tragedy

As Meat Loves Salt, Maria McCann (p. 2001, 565 pages): I think a lot of people know about this one but just in case you want your gays historical and fucked up. enjoy jacob cullen and his toxic evil ass

The Great Believers, Rebecca Makkai (p. 2018, 421 pages): really beautiful and sad historical fiction about the AIDS crisis in chicago. hits real hard as a chicagoan but is still one of the most gorgeous books I've ever read

More Than This, Patrick Ness (p. 2013, 480 pages): this is probably somewhere between happy and tragic, but I'm putting it here to be safe. I loved this so, so, so much and I'll never move on

The Heart's Invisible Furies, John Boyne (p. 2017, 582 pages): yes, the john boyne who wrote boy in the striped pajamas and is an idiot. HOWEVER, this book made me cry approx. eight million tears. it's too sad and tragic to put in the happy list, but the ending is hopeful and moving and it's one of my all-time favorites

The Power of the Dog, Thomas Savage (p. 1967, 293 pages): firmly believe we all should have read this in school. absolutely gutting but incredible. lgbt but at what cost

Swimming in the Dark, Tomasz Jędrowski (p. 2020, 191 pages): sad polish boys :( so fucking good though

Lie With Me, Phillippe Besson (p. 2017, 150 pages): a probably autobiographical story about being gay in the 80s in france. also so, so sad but gorgeous. and molly ringwald translated it to english. yes, that molly ringwald

The Silver Book, Olivia Laing (p. 2025, 256 pages): another immediate favorite from last year. a gay love story at the heart of one of film's most infamous time periods in history. very sad but very beautiful and we should all be reading olivia laing

All Them Dogs, Djamel White (p. 2026, 256 pages): new fave. vibes couldn't be worse. atrocities committed. bon appetit