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what's this 'wife' business? nobody calls him Prince-Consort Mario

if Bowser kidnapped my plumbing client, I would be saying “wahoo” as long as those hours were billable

Why don't they make stained glass fish tanks? Give those fish Catholic guilt

fascinated by the implication that it's the stained glass that gives catholics the guilt

I've been put in the tank 😔

Thinking about the parks intern today who, mid tour, asked me if i created dashcon

*world where freud is astrology* oh im an anal sadist moon

(USAmerican trying to imagine a societal environment) Okay, so picture a highway,

inability to correctly perceive 3d objects is in fact far more dangerous when someone is driving a car next to you then when they're like, sending emails to you.

can we focus on the gnome for a second

wait sorry i was not wearing my glasses. that is a cat

these are the people i have to share a highway with

everyone talks about how strong and great Aragorn was for refusing the ring when Frodo offered it to him as if this man has not spent his entire life dodging leadership and responsibilities like bullets in the matrix 🙄

i should mention that my roommate was on a video call with nasa while i was making this in the background

i see ass nasa is making the rounds again so might be a good time to add on that last semester, one of my precalc classmates pulled this post up on their phone to show me and i had to sit there and pretend that i wasnt the idiot who made it. cheers

I need to stop replying to “how do you make friends in your 30s?” threads because all my answers boil down to “you have to want to know people instead of have friends” and I don’t think people wanna hear that

@diseases-for-center-control

can't believe the only options are 30 minutes early or 10 minutes late. if only there were some other way. but what can you do

This program had its funding cut during the DOGE cuts last year and now the parasitic worm they were trying to slow the spread of has officially arrived in the United States.

whats that story about this dude that really wanted to have sex with a clown and get a pie to the face while climaxing

I heard every time he bounced on it, it squeaked.

LOVE WINS 🥳🤡🥧

sure this is a funny story because clowns but also this really is a beautiful moment of human connection

this girl was showing all the signs of being a secret mermaid so i pushed her into the pool and she turned into a forty foot long mosasaurus which is tbh way cooler

not really sure how to get her out though

for those of you asking why i pushed her into the pool in the first place: i work for a duplicitous small town aquarium and i'm trying to kidnap mermaids to jump through hoops and shit to entertain tourists and make money. fucking obviously. now that i know she's actually a mosasaurus though i Have fallen in pure-hearted love with her