the devil made me do it, but i also kinda wanted to

So many idiots have masters degrees maybe I could be the next

i hear a good lyric and start mentally holding up blorbos like im in the home depot paint aisle comparing swatches

the thing about having snacks is if you buy any snack you’d think that’d be enough. but no. if you don’t have the right kind of snack when you want a snack then you’re fucked

Something really fun you can do is accidentally click #txt wrong and just search all of tumblr for Textposts sorted by most recent & just see what the people are saying. It's mostly bad

Lets dissect uncle to find his wish gland

Where do you think the comma goes

"Whats your favorite genre" i just Listen to music i like man I dont kno w

Has anyone thought of putting 80s music in a movie

sometimes a bug lands in my drink and I say "bro is in my drink" which evolved into "there is a brother in my drink" but that feels vaguely assumptive so now I on occasion say "there is a sister in my drink" whenever a very confused fly decides to take a dip. you too can practice feminism in everyday life

How did that evolve into there is a brother in my drink

brother is a nicholasname for bro

there's a LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER in my drink

the problem is i really do love staying up until one billion o'clock. it just cant be helped

I think some of y'all would really benefit from learning the scope of power of various political offices.

Are you trying to tell me my local schoolboard doesn't have the ability to declare a unilateral ceasefire with iran?

If they try hard enough and are pure of heart... still no.

@kittybroker

Slimed up slob up and friends with the snail world! Get this slimeball for only $21.45!

was at a bar and a 50+ year old drunk white woman complimented me and my friend's outfits, told us there was a campsite up in northern maryland where a lot of gay bears go to have sex in the woods. we asked her how she knew about this and she very aggressively said "because i'm a FAG HAG!!! but i'm not allowed to say that anymore I GUESS!!!"

wuh oh guys! Set thrusters to bedtime because I just got a signal from planet Sleepy: they are going to kill us with lasers

I'm sorry guys I know no one is going to want to hear this but I just got resuscitated after being dead for 5 minutes and it turns out hazbin hotel is true

honestly an incredibly disrespectful and tasteless comment to make on my post about my very real experience of dying and going to hazbin hotel