Welcome to my OnlyTrowels

see him sing

now see him thrushin

Lumberjacks, like most megafauna species generally require more space than the average hardware store, even a big box store could provide. The misconception is that Lumberjacks are a social species because of how they often work and live together.

This is a matter of necessity, not preference, and a survival technique for thriving under the LogBoss.

A “pack” of Lumberjacks, if not under the environmental pressure of a LogBoss will naturally disperse until they each have a wide territory.

Lumberjacks rarely fight for territory.

One on one, a Lumberjack could drive out a Dad or Lesbian, however the latter tend to travel in social packs.

Lumberjacks will passively retreat on the presence of large numbers of people. Kind of like Sasquatch.

Getting a “pack” of Lumberjacks assembled would be hard enough unless they were forced into a Hardware Store by a LogBoss. In that case, they would already be in a heightened and potentially agitated state far above their natural behavior. This artificial scenario can be likened to a circus animal running amok. If it had been in the wild, the incident would not have occurred.

Free-roaming Lumberjacks are the cryptids of the Hardware ecosystem. They are surprisingly quiet and unobtrusive.

Only experienced silverbacks or the boldest young Dads dare venture into a craft store for long without his mate or offspring to keep roving Craft Ladies at bay and guide him in this strange ecosystem. If a Dad enters with his mate and is separated from her, he will often scuttle for the seeming familiarity of Woodcrafts, Models, or Paints (the latter not to be confused with Fine Arts, unquestioned territory of art students), but he eyes Scrapbooking and Jewelry with trepidation and will usually venture into those exotic areas only in the company of females of his pack.

Lumberjacks are rarely spotted entering craft stores of their own volition, for while they do not fear it as Dads do, they know it is an environment unsuited for megafauna such as themselves.

Hardware store Lesbians generally adapt more easily to craft stores, although they may enlist another Lesbian of a subspecies more adapted to that environment to guide them until they find their niche. Lesbians have even been known to seek the aid of a Craft Lady, a native fauna that share similarities with Lesbians but are usually smaller and nimbler to suit their chosen habitat. Dads who witness this are often awed by the Lesbians’ temerity, for although larger, Dads are generally wary of the cunning and dexterous Craft Ladies and may mistake their enthusiastic pack greetings as predatory swarming.

Craft Ladies, secure in their ecological niche, have no fear of interlopers and take the presence of non-native beings in stride, although they may become territorial about scarcer resources.

With particular regard to the Sewist species, after the loss of the JoAnn habitat, a major effort was made to conserve certain resources and relocate them to the Michaels ecosystem, in the hopes that the populations that most need those resources could and would also relocate. Unfortunately this process has not been as simple as it may seem. Namely, the fabric made available to the Sewists is largely Broadcloth and Printed Cotton. While these are basic and nutrient-dense substances, many Sewists are extremely specialized and require resources like Linen, Silk, or Chiffon. Furthermore, there is some tension between the established Craft Store species and the newly-arrived Sewist species. Although embroidery, needlepoint, and cross-stitch have long been established habitats in the ecosystem, sewing was not immediately accepted as a sufficiently familiar habitat despite superficial similarities (it is my opinion that the tension arose more from anxieties about territory size).

Another unusual conservation effort began after the collapse of the Party City habitat. Although the Party City habitat did not host the same specialized species as either hardware stores or fabric stores, it should still be recognized as a significant contributor to the welfare of multiple species, especially in October if the journey to the nearest Spirit Halloween was too long or too arduous. But one particular contribution Party City made was the regular production and harvest of helium balloons.

After the collapse, it is believed that human interference led production and harvest to be formally introduced to the Michaels environment. As has been said: nature abhors a vacuum. But it must be noted that this is an agricultural practice carried out by the Employees within the existing ecosystem and is not a natural behavior for either the Employees or the local fauna–indeed, the local fauna often find the sound of the helium tanks distressing. However it is not regarded as exceptionally dangerous to any local fauna. Recent species observed in and around the Balloon Bar have been identified as Busy Moms and Best Friends. These species rarely venture any deeper into the Michaels ecosystem and they are not believed to be invasive.

However, this begs the question as to how many subsystems the Michaels ecosystem can reasonably support. The slow arrival of Home Decor into certain areas was barely noticeable until recently (one can speculate that this phenomena is related to the presence of HomeGoods and/or T.J. Maxx). But at present, one of the main areas of traverse for all craft store species is experiencing a home decor “superbloom” in addition to one new natural habitat (fabric/notions) and one new agricultural practice (balloons).

My overarching concern relates to available territory for specific species. With these newly introduced areas, existing areas may become more crowded, driving out some portion of local fauna–but to where? Likewise, how probable is the collapse of the last large Craft Store ecosystem? And if it does collapse, what will become of its native wildlife? While I am pleased to see some Sewists adapting to the area, the lack of alternative feeding grounds does concern me. Have we, to use the old adage, put all our eggs in one basket?

I intend to continue my observations while I am in this environment.

Lumberjacks, like most megafauna species generally require more space than the average hardware store, even a big box store could provide. The misconception is that Lumberjacks are a social species because of how they often work and live together.

This is a matter of necessity, not preference, and a survival technique for thriving under the LogBoss.

A “pack” of Lumberjacks, if not under the environmental pressure of a LogBoss will naturally disperse until they each have a wide territory.

Lumberjacks rarely fight for territory.

One on one, a Lumberjack could drive out a Dad or Lesbian, however the latter tend to travel in social packs.

Lumberjacks will passively retreat on the presence of large numbers of people. Kind of like Sasquatch.

Getting a “pack” of Lumberjacks assembled would be hard enough unless they were forced into a Hardware Store by a LogBoss. In that case, they would already be in a heightened and potentially agitated state far above their natural behavior. This artificial scenario can be likened to a circus animal running amok. If it had been in the wild, the incident would not have occurred.

Free-roaming Lumberjacks are the cryptids of the Hardware ecosystem. They are surprisingly quiet and unobtrusive.

Only experienced silverbacks or the boldest young Dads dare venture into a craft store for long without his mate or offspring to keep roving Craft Ladies at bay and guide him in this strange ecosystem. If a Dad enters with his mate and is separated from her, he will often scuttle for the seeming familiarity of Woodcrafts, Models, or Paints (the latter not to be confused with Fine Arts, unquestioned territory of art students), but he eyes Scrapbooking and Jewelry with trepidation and will usually venture into those exotic areas only in the company of females of his pack.

Lumberjacks are rarely spotted entering craft stores of their own volition, for while they do not fear it as Dads do, they know it is an environment unsuited for megafauna such as themselves.

Hardware store Lesbians generally adapt more easily to craft stores, although they may enlist another Lesbian of a subspecies more adapted to that environment to guide them until they find their niche. Lesbians have even been known to seek the aid of a Craft Lady, a native fauna that share similarities with Lesbians but are usually smaller and nimbler to suit their chosen habitat. Dads who witness this are often awed by the Lesbians’ temerity, for although larger, Dads are generally wary of the cunning and dexterous Craft Ladies and may mistake their enthusiastic pack greetings as predatory swarming.

Craft Ladies, secure in their ecological niche, have no fear of interlopers and take the presence of non-native beings in stride, although they may become territorial about scarcer resources.

With particular regard to the Sewist species, after the loss of the JoAnn habitat, a major effort was made to conserve certain resources and relocate them to the Michaels ecosystem, in the hopes that the populations that most need those resources could and would also relocate. Unfortunately this process has not been as simple as it may seem. Namely, the fabric made available to the Sewists is largely Broadcloth and Printed Cotton. While these are basic and nutrient-dense substances, many Sewists are extremely specialized and require resources like Linen, Silk, or Chiffon. Furthermore, there is some tension between the established Craft Store species and the newly-arrived Sewist species. Although embroidery, needlepoint, and cross-stitch have long been established habitats in the ecosystem, sewing was not immediately accepted as a sufficiently familiar habitat despite superficial similarities (it is my opinion that the tension arose more from anxieties about territory size).

Another unusual conservation effort began after the collapse of the Party City habitat. Although the Party City habitat did not host the same specialized species as either hardware stores or fabric stores, it should still be recognized as a significant contributor to the welfare of multiple species, especially in October if the journey to the nearest Spirit Halloween was too long or too arduous. But one particular contribution Party City made was the regular production and harvest of helium balloons.

After the collapse, it is believed that human interference led production and harvest to be formally introduced to the Michaels environment. As has been said: nature abhors a vacuum. But it must be noted that this is an agricultural practice carried out by the Employees within the existing ecosystem and is not a natural behavior for either the Employees or the local fauna–indeed, the local fauna often find the sound of the helium tanks distressing. However it is not regarded as exceptionally dangerous to any local fauna. Recent species observed in and around the Balloon Bar have been identified as Busy Moms and Best Friends. These species rarely venture any deeper into the Michaels ecosystem and they are not believed to be invasive.

However, this begs the question as to how many subsystems the Michaels ecosystem can reasonably support. The slow arrival of Home Decor into certain areas was barely noticeable until recently (one can speculate that this phenomena is related to the presence of HomeGoods and/or T.J. Maxx). But at present, one of the main areas of traverse for all craft store species is experiencing a home decor “superbloom” in addition to one new natural habitat (fabric/notions) and one new agricultural practice (balloons).

My overarching concern relates to available territory for specific species. With these newly introduced areas, existing areas may become more crowded, driving out some portion of local fauna–but to where? Likewise, how probable is the collapse of the last large Craft Store ecosystem? And if it does collapse, what will become of its native wildlife? While I am pleased to see some Sewists adapting to the area, the lack of alternative feeding grounds does concern me. Have we, to use the old adage, put all our eggs in one basket?

I intend to continue my observations while I am in this environment.

The owner of the drone was so impressed by the brilliant attack that he suggested organizing a competition for bringing down “dragons” with short spears next year.

On the seventh day of May in the year of 2016 on hither spot the mighty warrior Ulf hath slain a dragon with his spear.

Ball of carbonized thread of linen or nettle dating from the Middle Neolithic (3,900 - 3,300 BC) from the Marin-Epagnier / Préfargier site, France. After Joëlle Bregnard Munier/Romain Pigeaud [2000x1500]