OnBearFeet / Kat Beaufort

and wen theres crime

or wen I am

sent bak in tiem

where men in powr

harm, kill and rob

i uphold the law

And my manager was like no!!!! If that happened, I would drive to find you guys in my truck and we could eat stuff from my wife's garden and I would make sure everyone I know survived!! I would carry you all on my shoulders away from the zombies!!

However, he replied to said email within five minutes, asking a question that required an answer. So I answered and was like "Also, I was going to apologize for answering emails during this call, but I see we're both here at the Devil's Sacrament, so I don't think an apology is necessary."

I watched him read that on screen and try not to laugh. And then at the end of the call as everyone started saying goodbye, he goes, "Hey, MJ, I meant to tell you. I like your shoelaces."

And I looked straight into my camera, stone cold serious, and said, "Thanks. I stole them from the president."

And the rest of the team was like, "What...the fuck...?" before he abruptly ended the call for everyone.

roommate: is there a problem?

cat: RAH!

roommate: oh no, is the door shut? did charlie lock you out of the bathroom?

cat: mweh...

roommate: well you see, i could fix that problem for you—

cat: MYEH!

roommate: —but due to social rules that you probably couldn't understand even if i explained them,

cat: gWAAH... mow..

roommate: yeah, dude, i hear you, but it's not gonna happen.

cat: MRRRR..!

roommate: i know i have opposable thumbs, but my hands are tied, thumbs and all. i'm sorry, i wish it didn't have to be this way.

After Earth receives the Hail Mary logs and everyone sees Grace and Rocky together ... after the sun is saved and everyone knows they have a middle-school science teacher and an alien rock spider to thank ...

What place does Rocky occupy in human culture?

Because he's the only Eridian most humans have seen or ever will see, and he's 50% of why humanity survives. Sure, Grace will be a hero and there will be millions of kids named after him, and there will be humans who try to minimize Rocky in the story (call it the Tenzing Norgay effect) ...

But I'm just imagining all those little baby Rylands and Graces snuggling up to their plush Rockys at night. (Because you don't name your kid after Doctor Captain Ryland Grace and NOT give them a Rocky. Even if you have to make it yourself.) We make bears and tigers cuddly and give them to children to help them sleep; why not an Eridian?

And when those children grow up and some of them become scientists, those threadbare Rocky plushies will occupy places of honor in their labs and offices. Imagine the movement to reclaim Rocky as a co-savior of the stars. Imagine angsty tweens creating Eridiansonas. Adults getting Rocky tattoos. Songs being written that incorporate clips of Rocky's audio. And always, always, the children hugging their Rockys. Rocky keeps them safe, after all. Love is shaped like Rocky.

And then the Eridians show up, however many generations later, and find a planet full of people who have seen exactly one (1) Eridian and decided, as a species, to make him soft so they can hug him forever.