I dreamed that love would never die...

Don't get into a dick measuring contest with a cannibal. You may be hung, but he hunger.

how come they make you reinvent the concept of dinner every evening. I have to make dinner come true every evening like some kind of unpaid genie intern

the sunk cost fallacy has been my favorite fallacy for as long as I can remember. so at this point it's probably too late to pick a different one

very funny that an older woman living alone with a bunch of cats was always such a negative stereotype. god forbid women experience peace

yesterday i ate two yogurts normally (remembers we're on tumblr) i mean if i were a bee i'd fetishize the idea of a beekeeper clipping my tiny wings so i can't escape

*bravely* i think more things should be about women

why do ducklings travel in such an obviously chain-lightning-able formation? are they stupid?

You don’t wanna know what happens when your kidneys are idiot bitches.

Appendix: the Unabomber

Aborted Descartes voice: I would've thought...if I was.