The Nier Cookbook zine is finally open for preorders! I was a page artist, spot artist, and chef for this project and I'm so excited to finally share a bit of my work here! You can get your copies and merch here: https://timetocook.bigcartel.com/
Peter Solarz
Xuebing Du
tumblr dot com
Misplaced Lens Cap
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
wallacepolsom

Discoholic 🪩

Janaina Medeiros
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
hello vonnie
Not today Justin
Today's Document
YOU ARE THE REASON
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
Stranger Things

PR's Tumblrdome
cherry valley forever

we're not kids anymore.

seen from South Korea

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@nycroshears
The Nier Cookbook zine is finally open for preorders! I was a page artist, spot artist, and chef for this project and I'm so excited to finally share a bit of my work here! You can get your copies and merch here: https://timetocook.bigcartel.com/

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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I took my little brother (autistic, mostly non verbal) out and he was using his voice keyboard to tell me something, and this little boy (maybe 4 or 5?) heard him and asked me "Is he a robot??" I tried to explain to him that no, he isn't a robot, he just communicates differently, but my darling brother was in the background max volume "I am robot I am robot I am robot I am robot"
My little brother insisted if I was going to post about him, he wanted a cut of the "profits". When I explained to him that Tumblr isn't monetized, and is pretty pointless, he and my older brother pointed out that he'd still be bringing me "fame and notoriety" if the post got "big". So we agreed, if the post hit 10k notes, which seemed extremely farfetched and silly at the time, I'd take my little brother out for sushi (his favorite food) and let him eat as much as he wants.
I guess God wanted the little robot to enjoy some sushi 🍣 🥲
As your little brother's self-appointed tumblr-famous union bargaining negotiator (Local 42069), I think he should get one (1) sushi lunch *per* ten thousand (10,000) notes, as well as a commemorative wall hanging of some kind should one hundred thousand (100,000) notes be achieved.
guy who scrolls through tf2 fanart and silently shakes his head in disapproval every time he sees a drawing of poor gun safety
Strict Adherents of Gun Safety: Engineer, Spy, Sniper. If one of those three mercs is seen dropping their gun or even holding it weird, the other two will ruthlessly mock him for weeks.
Perfectly In-Character For: Scout, Pyro, Medic. Pyro and Medic are untrained with firearms and Scout’s mother thought a high shelf was a safe enough place to keep loaded guns.
Secret Third Category: Heavy and Demoman refuse to believe their weapons, in their hands, could do *anything* accidentally. They will absentmindedly muzzle-flag you and give you a look if you get upset.
Super-Secret Fourth Category: The Soldier read a book on forklift safety and got it confused for gun safety. If he has to cross railroad tracks while holding a gun, he will do so at a slight diagonal angle.
Distinct from fine art, it’s also about avoiding developing the skill of written composition (forget vocab, spelling, grammar, appropriate word choice, proof-reading), it’s about avoiding developing any ability to express yourself, and failing to develop reading comprehension (if you plug something into it, asking for a summary). It’s just about being lazy and incompetent, and insisting that laziness and incompetence is fine, actually.
I hadn’t connected AI use with the recent surge in anti-intellectualism, but this makes me think it pretty neatly links that with the capitalist disrespect for art and writing as meaningful pursuits.
Back when i worked i spent 8 hours packaging chicken skewers and the first day i was so exhausted that i couldn't stop shaking and whenever i closed my eyes to sleep i kept seeing chicken skewers and i couldn't get the smell out of my clothes so i did my best to picture images of The Beatles instesd but they kept fading & turned into chicken skewers like in some horrible nightmare and i was miserable
This is what it was like

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went to an elementaryschool musical production and they started the show with the director saying: "Now there's some very small viewers here today, so just so you know. There will be a scary character later in the show. This is her," and a girl in a kinda scary ghost outfit did a creepy walk across the stage, the stood up straight and did a cheery wave, "but remember, it's just Nina. She's pretending to be scary."
Aaaand i would very much like for horror movies to have that as a little bonus feature you can chose. Let me start a movie with Guillermo del Toro showing me a scary ghost that might jump at me, but don't worry, thats just Doug!
been repeating this in my head all day
honest to god fill my uterus with these, how many will fit? how many until its noticeable? lets make a game out of it! get them big ass balls into me
hi
You should all be beaten like piñatas
dont do that bro the fucking boba r gonna shoot out
They killed mr inedible with this shit
String identified: gat a gt t g a a t a atg t a a a t t g t t t, a t? a t t tca? t a a ga t t! gt t g a a t
a at ñata t tat t cg a ga t t T t t t
Closest match: Noctua pronuba genome assembly, chromosome: 27 Common name: Large Yellow Underwing
(image source)
Mama cat gargoyle
Cat with a kitten statue on the roof of the castle of Château de Pierrefonds, France. It was built between 1393-1407.
lets endure for 618-632 years with mama…
people are always like "Oh a vampire wouldn't get horny while drinking someone's blood, that's like getting horny while eating a sandwich" and like man have you never had a really good fucking sandwich?
The sandwich i had for lunch didnt moan and scream and squirm against my body and then become limp and pliable when i was done now did it
(Via @morganpdf )
I can’t stop thinking about crocodiles for some reason so here’s some cool pictures I found of probably the second largest one in captivity, his name is Utan:
isn’t he beautiful
listen to the SOUND when he bites
and that’s not even a real power bite, that’s mostly just heavy bone falling on heavy bone from his jaws and the air rushing out from between them
2000 pounds of Good Boy
you get me
I honestly expected like 5 notes, what HAPPENED here
More tags on this ridiculous post:
Wait, thats the 2nd biggest crocodile? Then what does the biggest one look like?
That would be Cassius, a very old Saltwater crocodile who is estimated to be around 114 years old and lives at Marineland Melanesia in Green Island, Australia. His official measurement is 5.48 meters, which makes him the largest in captivity currently. Because Utan is only slightly smaller and much younger, (only in his 50s), he will likely break Cassius’ record eventually. But for now, Cassius holds the title:
He is NOT, however, either the largest crocodile ever captured in Australia OR the largest ever in captivity.
A slightly larger crocodile has been reported (though not yet comfirmed) to have been captured at 5.58 meters.
And while the famous Brutus of the Adelaide River was estimated to be just slightly larger than Cassius at 5.5m, he was driven out of his territory by a younger and even larger crocodile, who as a result has been given the name, The Dominator. He is estimated to be just over 6m.
This is Brutus, with an appropriate caption:
It is believed that he lost that arm in a fight with a Bull Shark.
The Bull Shark lost.
THIS is the crocodile who kicked him out. The Dominator:
And that’s STILL not the biggest.
The largest living crocodile ever reliably measured was Lolong, who for the 1.5 years between his capture and his death was the largest crocodile ever held in captivity, at a whopping 6.17 meters (20 feet 3 inches) and 1075 kg (2,370 lbs). He had been feeding on both humans and very large livestock in the Bunawan creek in Agusan del Sur in the Philippines. It took 100 people all night to drag him to shore during his capture.
And here’s why:
Also, to prevent credit from getting buried on a separate reblog, I have been informed that the above image of the crocodile with the cartoon eyes and halo was made by @rashkah! (And it is wonderful and I would like to thank him for its existence, because it perfectly captures my feelings about terrifying giant primordial reptiles.)
@theonewhocheeps
Holy fuck
As far as Brutus is concerned I was led to believe that he lost that arm when relatively young.
Since then Brutus developed a habit of hunting and eating Bull Sharks.
Here’s him with a prey.
And if you thought that you’ll be safe if you just stay out of Australia then think again!
Meet Gustave the Nile Croc.
This crocodile became almost legendary for both it’s size and the habit of hunting both livestock AND humans.
So how big is Gustave?
No one is sure. Since he was NEVER captured.
His estimated size is of at least 5,5m but some give him over 6m.
The terrifying parts are:
1) He is still growing having only about 60 years.
2) Adult crocodiles often perform a gesture of submission to him - something usually done by young crocodiles toward adults - Gustave is just THAT BIG.
3) His sheer size makes it difficult for him to catch agile prey Nile crocs tend to feed on - hence why he developed a habit of hunting either larger prey like Hippopotamus or creatures which are not good at spotting danger in the first place like livestock and humans.
And this is NOT ALL.
Gustave actually has a noticeable scars on his body - he was shot at east 3 times and stabbed with a spear or something similar at one occasion.
He lived to tell the tale - my question is:
What happened to that one dude who attacked Gustave with a spear?
*Crocodile Dundee voice* Mate, that’s not Gustave:
THIS is Gustave:
And he is the PERFECT CROCODILE. He is the perfect example of what I mean when I talk about (as I do) how the morphology of extremely large crocodiles adapts to the changing physics of their bite.
This is a typical adult Nile Crocodile:
And THIS is a god among his kind:
This is it, folks. The Final Form. THIS is what peak performance looks like.
Crocodiles and physics have an interesting relationship. Crocodiles have, by a CONSIDERABLE MARGIN, the strongest bite of any animal on Earth. EVER. Scaled up estimates (based on Nile and Saltwater crocodiles) give the extinct Deinosuchus an estimated bite force MORE THAN DOUBLE the recently updated Tyrannosaurus bite estimates. Living crocodiles have bite forces measured in the range of 5000 pounds per square inch, for an individual around 15-16 feet. It is estimated that modern crocodiles in the range of 18-20 feet would have bit forces around 7-8000 psi or more.
That’s a problem.
Because a crocodile’s skull is only designed to handle so much pressure. Go beyond that limit and the force of impact when those jaws snap shut could literally shatter their own skulls.
But evolution has spent hundreds of millions of years perfecting crocodiles, so PHYSICS ISN’T GOING TO STOP THEM. What ends up happening in the skulls of these extremely large crocodiles is they will increase dramatically in mass to compensate for the increased forces. A crocodile’s skull is almost exclusively solid bone, with only minimal space for nasal passages, a surprisingly advanced brain, and some slightly porous looking framework that helps the bone distribute the force over a larger area. The effect is by far the most pronounced in Nile crocodiles, which most regularly feed on larger prey and need to make use of all that power.
Compare, 26 inch skull:
vs 29 inch skull:
Both of those are Nile crocodile skulls (or rather, replicas thereof).
And just for fun, here are the skulls of completely different (and very extinct species), Deinosuchus:
and Purussaurus:
The bigger the crocodile (within a given species), the more massive the skull needs to be to compensate for that UNBELIEVABLE bit pressure. This is one way to see from a distance whether you are looking at a normal sized crocodile:
and a truly extraordinary individual:
One of the things about Gustave that’s so impressive is how healthy his teeth look. A lot of large crocodiles, in their old age, have very worn down and often missing teeth. They do replace them many times over a lifetime, but when they get very old this slows down. Gustave, at least in every picture taken of him, had teeth that were in very good condition.
Even crocodiles much smaller than Gustave’s reported size (probably similar in size to Dominator or Lolong) tend to have smaller or more worn teeth:
than the pinnacle of his kind:
Lolong! It means Gramps or Grandpa, because he’s a relic of an ancient world where crocs more massive than he was walked the earth. His body is on display somewhere right now though I forgot where.
Every time I see this post there’s more crocodiles. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

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googling shit like "why do i feel bad after hanging out with my friends" and all of the answers are either "you need better friends" (i don't; my friends are wonderful) or "your social battery is drained, you need to rest and regain your energy levels" (i don't; i've got tons of energy, it's just manifesting as over-the-top neurotic mania). why is this even happening. it's like some stupid toll i have to pay as a punishment for enjoying myself too much
I actually, genuinely think social event aftercare would fix me. I need someone to put me to bed and say "you were fun today and no one hated you"
#theres a thing called 'larp drop' thats essentially this#esp since when having a great time you might be more inclined to disregard your limits and ignore discomfort#(and forget to eat/drink if its larp whoops)#and then once you have a moment to yourself it all comes crashing in#source: once forgot to eat at larp and had a sobbing fit in my car that ended the instant i bit into a chicken nugget - @queerfarmgremlin
this is also true of festivals, conventions, pride parades, concerts, and any situation where you have a lot of fun with other people!
man, undertale ran on a weird game engine
* you open the hood
* there's a little white dog on a treadmill
MY OVARIES!!!!!!
Our*
THEYRE COMMUNIZING MY FUCKING OVARIES!!!!!!!!
Our*
GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY FUCKING OVARIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Our*
I DO NOT CONSENT TO YOU COMMUNIZING MY FUCKING OVARIES!!!!!!
Our*
yeah no i dont care if i have 121 followers youre not doing that to me
You get a Common Clownfish
Amphiprion ocellaris
you know what. i may be getting jumped by tumblrians but at least i have my clownfish. its me and you against the world buddy
Our clownfish
I CANT HAVE ANYTHING IN THIS FUCKIBG WORLD
Magical Item: The Communal Ovaries! Somehow everyone shares them! Now with a communal clownfish!
Vivipary - when seeds sprout while still being attached to its mother fruit
Inspired by this!!
no one does body horror quite like Mother Nature~

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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A picture a friend sent me from Erewhon
(tags from @gnollhide)
Item: Organic Single Berry
autistic experience simulator