Hello

Mistook the couch as your palm and thought this was the tiniest sweater in the world

sideways

*sigh* fine, fine, i'll be the new doctor who showrunner. bring me two twinks, britain's tallest woman, and 1000 pounds worth of alumininamian foil

They won't bring it to you, they will deliver it to a quarry in Cardiff and you have to meet them there for it.

If your boyfriend tells you he’s looking into buying podcast equipment, and you do nothing to stop him, when I’m president and I sign an executive order to finally prosecute men with podcasts, you will be charged as an accessory to a crime. Just some food for thought

Its been five years of it’s august and the flow of time still haunts me

Look, I understand that you're going through some shit, and you know I'll always support you, but I just had to fight your shadow-self in the kitchen. Yeah, I was getting breakfast and the enfleshed eidolon of your existential alienation was shooting, I don't know, some sort of beam.

It banished the Froot Loops to a far and sunless realm. I really wanted those.

one time i was making potato soup and i needed broth for it but i was out of broth. but in my dog food cabinet there was a carton of chicken broth that i had bought for my dog. now the box did say HUMAN GRADE and the ingredients were just bog standard chicken broth. it did say something about joint health for dogs on there. but the ingredients were normal. i even compared the ingredients list to some normal person broth and they were the same. so i did put dog broth in that soup and it did taste completely normal. but i did use the dog broth.

does anyone have the one where he falls down only to get schlorped up into another slide

thank god

digital selfharm is real. do NOT check up on that ex-partner/ex-friend. do NOT reread those old messages/conversations that you know will hurt your feelings all over again or that will otherwise make you feel like shit. do NOT block evade to see if you’re being talked about. inhale. exhale. let it pass and you’ll be better for it.

what do you mean my disability disables my abilities? what the fuck

wake up! on that thang

i dont think you hawk. in. my. self-righteous tuahcide