"why is my mental health so bad" -> oh yeah I haven't gazed fondly at a large body of water in a month

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"why is my mental health so bad" -> oh yeah I haven't gazed fondly at a large body of water in a month

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ok so write that down
when someone calls me their friend my heart skips a beat it’s like i won at being myself
Last year, I befriended a Catholic seminarian. We've gotten to be pretty decent friends. Seeing as he was staying in town for the summer and I wasn't, I entrusted him with caring for my plant.
He did a wonderful job, but as he was returning my plant to my custody, he explained "I watered her every other day, I gave her new dirt, moved her into the sunshine, prayed the rosary-"
"What?"
He looked at me, confused. "Isn't she a plant you pray with?"
"No," I said slowly. "She's a prayer plant. That's the... colloquial name of the plant."
Upon seeing his stricken face, I realized something went wrong. Turns out, this entire time, he's been including my plant in on his prayers and leaving her near icons.
Listen, totally cool. My plant becoming Catholic is a great deal for her not dying over the summer. But now I must navigate this interfaith household. Keep me in your thoughts.
ive never been able to take "climb him like a tree" as a sexual innuendo seriously because i picture climbing a tree in my mind and then i picture a tall man in my mind and when i put those two things together im not seeing anything sexual. im seeing like. circus tricks.

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love this site
teach me youre ability
another objectively hilarious thing from gtn was that Harrow and Gideon were freaking out that someome will realise that Gideon isn't a real cavalier, that she has to use the rapier perfectly and not even think about her sword, that she has to be 100% obedient and loyal to Harrow and blah blah blah.
meanwhile Camilla also used the rapier only for show, Naberius and the twins were inches away from calling eachother stupid cunts and Protesilaus was literally a zombie
Confession time; while I may have started making my girlfriend lunches purely because I love her there’s now a little bit of gay spite involved as well. I want the straight girls she works with to see what they’re missing and hold their men to higher standards.
Operation Gay Spite has claimed its first straight relationship! I’m not sure I’ve ever been prouder of anything in my life!
If making lunch broke them up it was never a good one in the first place
He gets it.
I’m genuinely curious how the lunches caused the breakup to happen, and I fully support the Gay Spite lunches
Literally since my bf saw this he’s started doing other things to model relationship goals for other guys. He’s always been lovely to me, but he’s made more of a point to show off the things we do for each other and raise people’s standards. He told his friend that we make dinner for each other every night and that guy went home and made his gf enchiladas. He posted about doing my laundry while I was at work (he does stuff like that all the time but usually isn’t public about it) and 2 other guys cleaned stuff up before their ladies came home.
Basically what I’m saying is that @solarpunkarchivist has started a chain reaction of straight people doing better and setting better examples and we appreciate it.
My dad has always sung to my mom on their birthday*, their anniversay, and the winter solstice because that’s her least favorite day of the year. He did this well before they got married, and he kept doing it after they started working in the same office building, walking over to her cubicle a few times a year with a dozen roses and singing a love song from broadway or an operetta. More often, he came over with a hot takeout lunch, or fresh salad or a dessert and would double-check who was picking me up today and what Mom wanted him to make for dinner if he was getting home first.
Some men gave him shit about doing that, bitching and moaning about “Maaaaaan you’re raising the bar!” or “Isn’t picking up the kids your wife’s job?” and so on.
But more men- many more men- came to him for advice. “Where did you learn to sing?” “My wife’s allergic to flowers and doesn’t like chocolate. What should I get her for her birthday?” “How did you get time off to pick up your kids early?” “I wanna do something nice for our anniversary, but it’s right before tax day and I never remember and I feel like an ass. How do you remember?” Net, he thinks setting a good example like that ended two relationships and saved five.
Setting a good example is a good idea to inspire people to realize they deserve better, but even better is that there are lots of people out there who want to do better and will glady take notes from you.
*they have the same birthday 4 years apart.

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Bruh this coffee I bought is so good I'm so fuckin alert rn I could probably do a math problem
I don't know
Suddenly struck with a need to explain to you how boat pronouns work (I work in the marine industry).
When you're talking about the design of the boat, you say "it".
When the boat is still being built, your say "it".
When the boat is nearing completion, you can say "it" or "she".
When the boat is floating in the water you probably say "she", unless there is still a lot of work to be done (e.g. no engine yet) then you say "it".
When the boat is officially launched and operating, you say "she". If you continue to say "it" at this point you are not incorrect but suspiciously untraditional. You are not playing the game.
If you are referring to a boat you don't really know anything about you may say "it" ("there's a big boat, it's coming this way"). But if you know its name, it's probably "she" ("there's the Waverley, she's on her way to Greenock").
If you are talking about boats in general, you say "it" ("when a boat is hit by a wave it heels over")
If you speak about a boat in complimentary terms, it's "she" ("she's a grand boat"). If you are being disparaging it may be it, but not necessarily ("it's as ugly as sin", "she's a grotty old tub").
If she has a boy's name, she's still she. "Boy James", "King Edward", "Sir David Attenborough"? The pronoun is she.
If it's a dumb barge (no engine), you say it. But if it's a rowing boat (no engine), you say she.
I hope this has cleared things up so that you may not be in danger of misgendering floating objects.
Hit "view post" and lost it
it must be so freeing to be as stupid as a ceo. not a single thought echoing through that hollowed out skull. you get paid more money in 20 minutes than a handful of small countries make in a year combined to say the biggest number you can think of and if your company doesn’t hit that number you get to fire all of them
we want to entertain one billion people a day and to achieve that goal we’re going to fire every single game developer we’ve ever hired 😍😍😍
I like the wording of PCGamer
https://www.pcgamer.com/gaming-industry/xboxs-ceo-wants-its-games-to-cater-to-more-than-a-billion-people-each-day-or-24-times-more-than-the-peak-population-of-steam-which-is-delusional/
“what time is it” you ask, i pull out my 2.7 metric ton granite sundial and immediately crush both of your feet, I loudly announce “it is cloudy”
if christopher nolan was really the visionary and ground-breaking director everyone claims he is he would have cast ben affleck as penelope

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god i love hadestown so much and this recording is next level. oh my god. oh my GOD.
So, my mother has a weather guy on, and he mentioned he'd never had a root beer float, and that people had to be exaggerating how common/popular they are. (It's root beer with a scoop of vanilla ice cream in it, for those unfamiliar.)
So now I'm curious.
Have you ever had a root beer float?
Yes, and I like them (usamerican)
Yes, and I don't like them (usamerican)
No (usamerican)
Yes and I like them (not usamerican)
Yes, and I don't like them (not usamerican)
No (not usamerican)
No and that sounds terrible (usamerican)
No and that sounds terrible (not usamerican)