poetry and reblogs by e.l.t

If we're not gonna make it to the other side

Because I have given up on hoping

And you're the only one I'm thinking about

I could tell there's something wrong

And to hell's with your “nothing at all”

I guess it was me

Bet you don't want to hear me say sorry

And now that the world's getting better

Here's to getting left behind again

But its fine cause I don't wanna be good

For I know I will never be enough

So don't get your hopes up darling

Cause I won't be the same anymore

Too bad it’s not even a close call

I still wish I'm the guy who sees you till your front door

I closed my eyes with the thought of you here

Clutching my pillow and it felt so real

But chasing feeling's never been my friend

I'll pack my bags and embrace the bitter end

Maybe I don't really wish to disappear

Maybe it's just that my lungs don't fit the air in this atmosphere

And now I feel a little selfish

Keeping you here in my memories

Knowing it’s not mine

Still prevailing just to “be fine”

I know it is me

And the title is my life story

It's a close call

“I've been here before”

A close call

“I think this is the fall”

Not even a close call

“Still not enough”

Why am I here at all?

“To make through it all”

—

For the world, an oasis contains a break in the heat, a dip in a pool and shade to bask in

Surrounded by skin damaging sun and feet scorching sand

My oasis is a prick of happiness amongst depression, a feeling of lightness beneath the weight of my sheets

A shower melting away a week's worth of sweat

Crying on my mother's shoulder after days of scratching skin and punching myself

Holding an icecube when my mind is shattered

My life is a desert, my oasis is rare

But it exists.

The dogs are locked into cages

That are too small

Cold, harsh

Unloved, unattended

They bark

They howl

They cry

They whine

Loudly.

They are all I can hear.

They want to escape

Into the real world

Into reality,

Where they can be noticed

Be alive.

Because this isn’t living

I stare into their eyes

There are no irises,

No pupils.

Instead, they are filled with a small flame

That turns into a massive fire

All they see is this fire

All they hear is this fire

All they are is this fire.

I get burned.

Still, I remain silent

Still, I remain afraid of the consequences

I become the fire.

Everything I touch burns with me,

My world is consumed with this flame

Flesh is melting.

I become disfigured

As my world dies

I finally have had enough.

I open the cages

And I am afraid.

But at this point the fire scares me more

As they are let out, no longer are they on fire,

No longer is there any fire.

They are free and so am I.

I am still left disfigured,

But my skin begins to heal overtime.

It will always be scarred, though

These scars are not only physical

by Mary Oliver

I am become sludge, 

The corrosive compulsions

That tackled the weak and the helpless.

I am become fumes,

The destroyer of worlds,

Eat the lungs of the lost and the selfish.

But yet, through the smogscreen,

Somehow I see embers,

Like crackling fire pits

During December-

So warm and inviting,

But I cannot budge,

For I'm buried,

Right up to my waist,

In the sludge.

Viceroy and Vicodin,

Chasing the dragonfly.

I'm a nice boy, but the vices win,

So sorry but say goodbye.

Alcohol and Ativan,

Mindset like dragon fruit.

All will fall, and man will stand,

Or speak up,

but I'm rendered mute,

Immobilized-

Up to my thighs.

I can't hold a grudge,

Against anyone,

Or anything.

For I am become sludge.

Don't come near my corpse,

Don't donate my organs,

They're worthless-

Worse than their heirs.

They're old and diluted,

Tylenol and Dilaudid

Made sure they're no good to share.

As I've said, I'm addicted,

Go ahead and scorn.

Go ahead and push me,

Try your best to reform.

Try all that you can,

I bet you won't get much done.

I bet I won't hear a word that you say,

Even “love.”

I bet you'll give up

after one failed nudge.

I bet you'll soon join

all the people who judge.

I bet I won't even notice,

My glasses all smudged.

I am become nothing,