The problem I keep running into is that I feel like I am using tumblr as a substitute for actually living my life in a fulfilling way. I genuinely do like it here and I like talking to all of you. I just feel like my actual life feels empty and I can’t keep relying on internet friends to feel something (don’t get me wrong I love my internet friends!) I’m living vicariously through everyone else on here. I need to actually go do something real. And my screen time is kind of atrocious so I need to stop using my phone so much.

If anyone has any advice or just… thoughts about what I’m experiencing / if you’ve had a similar struggle I would love to hear about it. I kind of don’t know how to compel myself to do more than just survive day to day. There are so many things that I WANT to do and yet I just don’t do them. Coming back to tumblr and checking my notes is almost like a self-soothing mechanism at this point. I just want to have some kind of healthy balance

@greatchest told me in order to have self esteem you have to do esteemable things. I’ve been wondering why I have no self esteem when I’m not even doing anything that would warrant it. I think I will come back here if I can manage to get to a more stable mindset and I feel like I’ve earned it.