When I was 19, I had friends my age, but I also had a close friend who was in her early 40s. We were all in a fandom space together, and we spent a lot of time talking about Harry Potter, and she was kind of the Chat Mom. she had life experience we didnât, and a real job, and we all looked up to her as proof that we could be successful adults one day without losing our senses of humor and our love of fandom and dumb in-jokes. I stayed in touch with her for years and deeply treasure her friendship even though Iâm no longer in touch with her.
When I was 16, one of my dearest friends was a 35 year old woman who was on my Lord of the Rings forum of choice. She was encouraging and caring, gave me advice when I was struggling with my parents and had no other adults to turn to, and generally was a key player in the foundation of the person who I would grow up to be.
when I was 14 and 15, probably my best friend was one of my momâs friends, who had a kid my age and twins who Iâd sometimes babysit for. She was basically a big sister - taking me to movies and being a refuge and a person to vent to about issues I was having, and always supporting me and even sometimes making my case for me with my mom when I struggled to. She was very dear to me and I will always remember her fondly.
As a 30-year-old, at the game store we played dnd at, there was a guy who brought his 12-year-old daughter to play sometimes. The very first time she came, she played at our table, and we all did our best to rein in our less family-friendly game instincts, but also encouraged and requested her input into party stuff. By the end of the session sheâd gone from shy and nearly silent to loud and invested and having a TON of fun. Every time we saw her after that she tried to play at our table, and always would race over to give us hugs, and I would absolutely consider her a friend.
cross-generational friendships have been common throughout my life, throughout my parentsâ lives, throughout the lives of the older friends that I had. The important thing is that the older party remembers that they are older and that there are ways they shouldnât be interacting with teens, but that doesnât mean they canât interact and be friends. The weird obsession on tumblr with making sure adults never interact with teens is bizarre and, frankly, harmful. Like, no if a teen doesnât want the interaction (or the adult doesnât want it) that should be respected, but the idea that itâs weird and bad for a 28-year-old and a 15-year-old to have a friendship based on a common interest is just⌠bizarre.
Not to mention, if these teens are hardly ever interacting with adults in a non-authority-figure way, it becomes a lot harder for them to recognize when an adult is being inappropriate with them, because the majority of adults are not going to be inappropriate with teens and that would provide them a crucially needed baseline for being able to say âthis is not rightâ and keep themselves safe.