Mainly Dad Jokes

You built a plane with a set of opening jaws that spits fire, that's metal as F***

⚠️Users are advised not to stand near, stare into, or open the aperture without immediate supervision. Your local manufacturer of the Mechbuster Supreme is not liable for loss of vision, hearing, or burns caused by standing near the front of the aerospace fighter.

got a crick in my neck and a frog in my throat and a chip on my shoulder and a stick up my ass and now you're gonna stand there puttin words in my mouth? haven't I been through enough?

WHAT?!

I study graphic design and my tutor recommended and used this in his classes at art college last year, it’s so good it has SO many features for free, I really recommend it, even if you’re just trying to learn the basics of PS, such a wonderful thing <3

I use this and it’s fucken great. No bullshit. Really works. Sometimes the world is kind.

"Die vier Hansa-Völker lebten in Harmonie zusammen. Doch dann änderte sich alles, als die Feuer-Hansa angriff."

This is the same family I was afraid to come out to and accidentally did it by becoming a bestselling author, and now there's an entire call center on the northside of the Glasgow Quay that has to clock in every day listening to the wee auld guy on the front desk shilling his daughter's queer vampire porn and I think that's beautiful lmao

Whatb is the name of that book!??!!

Who wants to hear a DIY tiling pro tip that the experts won't tell you

Yes!

Do not drop your phone into the bucket of tile adhesive. This step is actually completely unnecessary and massively complicates the tiling process.

You say this but my uncle is a tiler and he swears by the “drop phone in putty bucket” technique. I think you’re just posting this for clout

Your uncle is caught up in a tradition that he was taught as an apprentice that he never questioned. Modern putty doesn't require phone, the formula has changed.

MY uncle says some customers still demand the phone putty technique because it "doesn't look right otherwise"

Drop an empty phone case in and those customers can't tell the fucking difference because there is no fucking difference.

My mum renovated houses for thirty years, she says “you’re half right, but in some cases - particularly in houses built before 1930 - the phone does add some benefit. Could be a tablet too if you’ve an old one in the garage. And anyone who says it’s got to be a particular model is just being precious about it, whatever the forums say.”

IPhones and tablets where invented in 1898, what did they do before then?

Nothing, tiles were invented in 1899.

To be totally fair to Willy Wonka, at least a couple of those candy factory casualties involved kids deliberately circumventing reasonable safeguards, sometimes aided and abetted by the parents who were supposed to be supervising them. What happened is at most 60% his fault.

@theneighborhoodchronicles-blog I am saving this to show to Cal. :D

This is humanity

Happy Birthday, Curiousity.

Happy birthday, Curiosity.

Happy birthday, Curiosity!

getting followed by porn bots is weird and that’s coming from a guy with multiple 🥵 concubines

step aside you old cut-sleeve, i shall court these maidens!

the marquis of homo WISHES he had a fraction of my imperial glory!

right so i’m one of the most well regarded emperors in the history of china and you’re the guy who had to put “shut up about the mercury” in his bio

the Terracotta Army guy?

🙄 you build ONE funerary complex with 8000 life-sized statues of soldiers, horses and generals and suddenly you’re “the terracotta army guy.” 🙄 execution.

Stumbling across this makes me feel like a dad whos walked into their kids room beer in hand and seeing them roleplay starwars fights i do not belong here but god its entertaining

to be clear in this scenario im the jedi and im winning

This is so beautiful you’re going to have to change your user name.