Gee, It Sure Is A Thing

listen i consider myself an empathic person but after a certain point i get sick of other people’s problems. my friend is always talking about how the jewel-eyed skull on their mantlepiece is tormenting them w its sinister beauty and im over it. like dude i don’t want to talk about this anymore. get rid of the fucking skull

you’ are biased against my skull

i’m not having this argument again man

lets have phone sex over walkie talkies

“bend over” “bend what? over”

I hate this place

they want you to make fried rice

who is "they"

the wok left

how am I supposed to make fried rice if the wok left

“scientists don’t want you know” is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know

This post is ancient and stupid but I still laugh whenever I see it

i was feeling silly at the gas station today so i said to the cashier that i’ll take my gas “to go” and i could see her imagining what it would be like to jump over the counter and strangle me to death

@randomitemdrop

Spell: Wall of Astigmatism

me to the accursed whispering amulet: hey can you speak up please i have an audio processing disorder

Just tried to play an ancient flute and it started filling the room with this awful miasma that wont go away

I didn't realize that this was about Project Hail Mary at first I just accepted that this was Ryan Gosling's fault and we have to kill him