Eat Your Teeth, Brush Your Vegetables

Please take my white ass to anor londo

*grabs you with my long gargoyle-like arms and flies off witj you*

Oh thank god hold me tight you scary motherfucker

#she was watching the penguins with what I will anthropomorphically project as skepticism

the maneaters in demons souls aren't hard you're just not a good person and they recognize that

I saw an otter briefly hop on top of a babirusa at the zoo and when the stranger standing next to me heard my camera shutter click he turned to me with this look of immense relief, put his hand to his chest, and said in a dead serious tone “oh thank christ someone caught that on film”

Do you have anything with that kind of texture that he can safely play with? This sounds like an understimulation issue.

Not guilty by reason of deficiency of other people’s stuff

Narratively speaking, ending this saga with the reveal that his name is Orange Sherbert was a masterstroke.

... how many hearts are in the vet office

He just stole mine <3

[record scratch] [freeze frame]: yeah that's me. that's me in the corner. that's me in the spotlight, losing my religion.

the replacement of websites with apps sounds so backwards when you actually describe it. like hmm you have to download an entire program onto your device each time you want access to a portal, where it takes up storage indefinitely. somebody should invent an app where you can "browse" any portal just by typing in its address... 🥴

working with kids and one of them says “you know you eat 8 spiders a night on average right?” and another goes “no no no those statistics are actually skewed by people who like eat spiders recreationally for fun and stuff” and my head snapped up like a fucking sleeper agent