simp for madara

years ago i watched this p/orn and the girl was screaming ‘oh god!! oh god!!!’ and the dude was like ‘there are no gods here’ and to this day it haunts me wtf was he talking about

cis people will say “I found out I’m having a baby girl at my anatomy scan and I’m experiencing gender disappointment” but be mad when you say “who knows? maybe you’ll end up with a son anyway”

they found this post and they’re very very in their feelings about it

Cis people will basically just sag “I’m sexist” and you say “maybe you don’t have to be” and they say “well now I’m gonna be transphobic too”

Sometimes I think that I’m moderately intelligent and then I realize how frequently I’m deceived by things meant to fool wild animals

being mildly nearsighted keeps me humble

I am whatever gender has the shortest line at the bathroom

​I see this one going places

Yeah. The bathroom

ah but which bathroom

the one with the shortest line did you not read the post

i hate you shein i hate you temu i hate you amazon i hate you microtrends i hate you fomo culture i hate you aesthetic restocking videos i hate you constantly on the grind mindset i hate you overconsumption i hate you fast fashion i hate you tiktok influencers i hate you i hate you i hate you

Being an adult in this recession and being like wow I am totally "splurging" on 3 new sets of cotton underwear and 3 pairs of socks like whoaaaaa hold your horses duke of the land where's all this money gonna come from

i fucking hate being an adult with a slowly increasing number of responsibilities its like one day you wake up and youre like aw fuck when was the last time i descaled the coffee machine

"theres gonna be a power outage tomorrow welp i better boil some water in advance!" "oh gee looks like its time to vacuum the carpet!" GET REAL?????? YOU SOUND INSANE

someday youre gonna be out of baking soda when it matters most and its gonna destroy you

Counter point, those machines can make me a peach sprite.

guys did you know the tech in that nefangled machine revolutionized preemie healthcare

Hey bro on a scale of nothingburger to everythingbagel how would you rate our gay sex last night

hey quick PSA but “reading before bed to wind down” only works if you’re normal about books btw. if you aren’t you are going to end up awake at 2:52am after finishing the whole book just trust me on this one

i have hidden a golden ticket in one of my posts, and whoever finds it will get to go on a Marvelous Tour of my Whimsical Tower in which I Will Not Kill You and You Will Not Be Killed .

you will Not be chopped up and used for spell components, let me make that clear

ignore the Doompa Loompas

could you guys shut tf up for once